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[MBTI General] NTs/NFs on SJs

Giggly

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NOTE: THIS THREAD IS FOR NTs AND NFs WHO ARE CURRENTLY WITH AN SJ NOT THOSE WHO ARE SEEKING TO BE WITH AN SJ OR OTHERWISE.

What do you like about your SJ?

I am curious because, beyond liking the SJ loyalty and sense of responsibility, it's hard for me to identify how Ns relate to SJs. I can see how SJs could like Ns but I can't see how the opposite works. Please help enlighten me.
 

Habba

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Apparently they don't like us at all. :|

But what I've heard, my NF friend says SJs are nice to work with, but extremely annoying because they are so rigid and restricted.

But I guess he's just annoyed by their lack of self-awareness, rather than the actual SJ features...

We are the sturdy rock beneath the society, all the dreams are build on our wide shoulders, all hail the great SJ! :D
 

BlackCat

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My best friend (INFJ) is currently dating an ISTJ. He really loves her and how she is. I don't know what he sees in her though, besides her physical beauty which doesn't matter all that much to him. I think you guys make great friends but I wouldn't want to get in a serious relationship with one of you.
 

d@v3

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I think the NF's hate us. Well, at least me!:doh:
 

BlackCat

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Just because you have crap luck with ENFPs doesn't mean we all hate you dave. *pats*
 

d@v3

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Just because you have crap luck with ENFPs doesn't mean we all hate you dave. *pats*

Have you seen my profile wall? Like, 4 pages of insulting commentary from xNFP's!:cry:
 

Just another ISTJ

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My best friend (INFJ) is currently dating an ISTJ. He really loves her and how she is. I don't know what he sees in her though, besides her physical beauty which doesn't matter all that much to him. I think you guys make great friends but I wouldn't want to get in a serious relationship with one of you.

Would you care to elaborate?
 

BlackCat

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If you wanted me to elaborate on why I would stick with being a friend here is why:

I feel an almost spiritual connection to other intuitives. Every day I'm fighting to stay in the "norm" of society, to get along with every S person in my life. This includes holding back most of my humor (which I've noticed only intuitives appreciate most of the time), avoiding getting in theoretical discussions because it never feels like you are actually into the discussion and are talking to me because you don't want to offend me, a lot of the time it seems like you misunderstand the way I communicate also.

A good example of why I don't think it's too fulfilling past the friendship level is this (typical conversation with an SJ friend):

Me: So why do you think we are even here? Why are we alive on this planet?
My ISTJ friend: Well we are here to live our human lives and to reproduce.
Me: :doh:

The amount of depth I seek in a relationship I've found only in intuitives really. If there was one of you guys who was as deep as one then that would be fine and dandy for me. But I couldn't tolerate talking about things in this physical world all the time, I get easily bored. I've always had the closest relationships with other Ns, our discussions would be great for me, we would discuss random theories on why things are the way they are and how they could be and lots of other things like that.

I'm not totally against S types at all though. All the S people I know are great "go do something with" friends. I play a good amount of video games as a hobby, I do most of my gaming with my S friends. I also play airsoft with all my S friends, and if there is something I want to talk about that is physical then you make for great people to talk to.

When I'm actually in the real world, being with someone who is in tune with the real world is nice. But when I'm trying to bond on a spiritual level with someone, I need someone imaginative to complete me. I can't complete someone's physical needs as much as someone's spiritual ones.

Keep in mind this is only my opinion, I don't represent everyone. However a lot of intuitives I know have similar opinions on the matter.
 

Lady_X

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NewEra

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A good example of why I don't think it's too fulfilling past the friendship level is this (typical conversation with an SJ friend):

Me: So why do you think we are even here? Why are we alive on this planet?
My ISTJ friend: Well we are here to live our human lives and to reproduce.
Me: :doh:

Funny thing is I always have that question - why are we here?... What is life? I even made a thread about it not long ago. I'm not satisfied with that simple answer your ISTJ friend gave. It's fun to think more in depth with that.
 

Anja

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I luv me my ISTJ cuz, without him, I'd be a bag lady by now.:smile:
 

BlackCat

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Funny thing is I always have that question - why are we here?... What is life? I even made a thread about it not long ago. I'm not satisfied with that simple answer your ISTJ friend gave. It's fun to think more in depth with that.

That was purely an example. The person in mind that I asked doesn't really care for theory, is all about what's here. They think that what's here matters infinitely over what could be. Like I said in the post, it's fine and dandy if you have some depth to you. :)
 

Kasper

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Have you seen my profile wall? Like, 4 pages of insulting commentary from xNFP's!:cry:

There, there. Ignore the cruel, nasty xNFPs, they always like to pick on others, particularly animals and small children :(
 

BlueScreen

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I have a good friend who tested ESTJ bordering with ISTJ. We've never conflicted in our lives.
 

simulatedworld

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I really identify with everything blackcat said.

I've never had a single truly close friend that wasn't N. I like to party/play music/do fun stuff with SFPs, and poker or other gambling with STPs always makes for a fun and adventurous outing. It's rare that I'm able to find even a single common interest with SJs, though. I don't like sports or church retreats or Dane Cook or any of the "default interests", as I call them, that many of you seem so enamored with. I play with an ESFJ guitarist in one band who is very talented and really makes a good effort to listen to/consider other people's views. Overall he's a pretty balanced guy, but he does have a nasty tendency to be a huge buzzkill with his excessive need to have every detail of every show planned to absolute perfection--doesn't often seem to really understand that in reality, and especially in the music business, shit.goes.wrong! I know he means well, but it's so hard to get him to just chill out for a bit that he drags the experience down for the rest of us (ESFP bassist and INTJ drummer) sometimes.

This seems to be a common thread with SJs. I mean, I want to get along with you guys, but it seems like most of the time, in order for that to happen I have to bend a lot more than you do, and often that's just not worth the effort to maintain a good relationship.

The one SJ in my life that I get along with best is my ESFJ mom, who is a pretty intelligent person but both very S and very J, so we've challenged each other a lot in learning about different thinking styles, and I dare say she's really learning to exercise her N and P now that she's in the latter stages of her life (she's 59 this year, I believe.)

She says that, when she was younger, she used to be a lot like my ESTJ older sister--in other words, absolutely insufferable. ;)
 

CrystalViolet

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I had an ESFJ ex-fiancée. He must have been border line though, because I know I generally piss off SJ's to tears. He got me through University. He broke up with me because he got so frustrated with me, and my dreamy ways, but he provided me with safety and security, and place to get away from all the BS. I loved him for that alone. I mean he'd have killed any one who hurt my feelings.
I think in the end though, he was a traditional, and I'm not so much. He couldn't deal with the fact that our roles (defined by sex) were reversed in some respects. We tried though, so hard, both of us, because when we were good together we were brilliant, because we complimented each other well, but both of us sacrificed so much of ourselves.
The best thing and worst thing about SJ's is you are stubborn, and strong in your convictions, but you don't always know how and when to pick your fights.
 

JocktheMotie

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I've been dating an ESTJ for some years now, and I think she's awesome. We don't really conflict much at all, don't have many fights, basically because our internal systems and life expectations are aligned, which she follows to a T, and pushes me through my days. It's funny how it works, as if what she expects is ahead of her and she follows the path she trusts is right, while what motivates me is behind me and pushing me forward. I think because of that alignment it gives us an equal platform on which to share our lives, though I know if our expectations were different, we wouldn't really get along at all.

She is great to me. She is really everything I want in a partner and romantic relationship. She's honestly my best friend and has grown to appreciate my quirky sides and humour. She makes me laugh, and she is the only person I feel safe with. I feel like there is no pressure from me to do anything but be devoted to her and our lives, and I love that. It's very refreshing to feel that someone is that devoted to me, that loyal to me, so much that all of my self-doubt is removed.

I actually like going out to bars with her. I enjoy being out in public with her. She almost acts like my buffer between my guarded internal world and the terrifying social world around me. The strength of her personality is also refreshing. She won't ever pull any punches with me, and I love that honesty with her feelings that I can't really seem to pull off, and makes it easier for me to display. If something is wrong, she tells me [or her demeanor makes it so painfully obvious I ask until she spills], she never hides what she is thinking from me.

She's just the best. Not sure how much of it is type related. I don't really think it's that important to be honest. It helps explain how she thinks sometimes, but it doesn't explain our connection and compatibility. That's all us, I think. I could be delusional, because this is an arena of my feelings that I don't really understand at all. But I don't really care if it's a delusion, because I'm having such a great time and so happy.

I think I've reached my gushiness quota for the year with this post.
 

EcK

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what'd ya mean by 'on' :cheese:

I'd use them as mounts! and we'd travel through paris and the world.

It's like having a poney!!! :wubbie:
 

CrystalViolet

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I just splurted tea all over myself.
 

Just another ISTJ

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<A insightful response>

Thanks for the explanation. I can certainly see where you're coming from. My response to your example would have been the same(barring the reproduction part). That wouldn't stop me from asking what your own thoughts were though out of geniune curiousity.
 
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