[MBTI General] ISTJ-ENFP Relationship Starter (Help!)

[d@v3]

AWWW... Well like you could just do it really subtly.. ask her a bit about her family say how you feel about yours... she may open up a bit about it.. ask her what it's like to be an only child?? Show her that you care just say that you think the relationship between her and them is really important and if she blows you off because of them say that you understand...

Well, I told her that if my mother sold all of her Christmas decorations she could probably reitre.... and that my house looks like the north pole at Christmas. She seemed to like that, and said her mom liked to clean too and decorate...and she said SHE liked to decorate. but the conversation didn't move beyond that. Maybe Iam not trying hard enough.

If she blows me off because of her family... of course I understand. But isn't that implied?

 

[Cimarron]

I Yesterday I was at the gym and I sent her a text saying "I hope you had a good day!" or something like that, and she responds to me that she is under the covers because she is very cold....

I've always kind of thought those comments were the trademark of ENFPs. Someone I knew used to do exactly that. Over time, I got used to it the same way you did: her comment doesn't really make any sense, but just roll with it. Say something pointless and she'll probably think it's funny. (that's how I handled it, anyway)

 

[Tiny Army]

My last boyfriend was an ISTJ and it was a disaster. Granted, this was mostly because he was the dumbest ISTJ I have ever met. I have fielded the advances of quite a few ISTJs and I feel the need to mention that as an ENFP I smile at everyone. I think everyone is special when I first meet them. ENFPs aren't trying to lure you in. We're just... alluring I guess? ENFPs tend to leave the front door of friendship open, but this doesn't automatically mean you're all in.

No offense to any of the ISTJs on this board but a lot of your type have accused me of leading them on when this was never my intention!

 

[Cimarron]

I have fielded the advances of quite a few ISTJs and I feel the need to mention that as an ENFP I smile at everyone. I think everyone is special when I first meet them. ENFPs aren't trying to lure you in. We're just... alluring I guess? ENFPs tend to leave the front door of friendship open, but this doesn't automatically mean you're all in.

No offense to any of the ISTJs on this board but a lot of your type have accused me of leading them on when this was never my intention!

Very good cautionary points. I found all of those things happening with the one ENFP I went out with.

 

[simpleamazement]

ENFPs tend to leave the front door of friendship open, but this doesn't automatically mean you're all in.

Question: Then what DOES mean that you're all in?

 

[Amargith]

Question: Then what DOES mean that you're all in?

That would be physical touching and kissing, aswell as intense eye contact, Justin.

 

[Tiny Army]

Um, I'm going to have to say... nothing. It takes a while. ENFPs are very slow to commit to things. I would say you know you're all in when your ENFP actually says out loud that she is committed to you exclusively.

ENFPs use their Ne to collect all the necessary information and then use their Fi to make the final decision. This often results in ENFPs being indecisive or flaky because we need to know deep down inside that we are making the right decision, and lets face it, this hardly ever happens overnight.

But just because you're not all in yet doesn't mean the potential to be all in isn't always there. When an ENFP closes a door, you'd better believe that somewhere there's an open window with a rope ladder already rigged.

 

[Amargith]

Um, I'm going to have to say... nothing. It takes a while. ENFPs are very slow to commit to things. I would say you know you're all in when your ENFP actually says out loud that she is committed to you exclusively.

ENFPs use their Ne to collect all the necessary information and then use their Fi to make the final decision. This often results in ENFPs being indecisive or flaky because we need to know deep down inside that we are making the right decision, and lets face it, this hardly ever happens overnight.

But just because you're not all in yet doesn't mean the potential to be all in isn't always there. When an ENFP closes a door, you'd better believe that somewhere there's an open window with a rope ladder already rigged.

+1 tiny, you wrote out what I wanted to imply with my post.

You'll know that you're all in when you're already in a relationship with the ENFP. Before that, there is no knowing. However, when we've made up our mind, you're the first to know. Until then, we'll gladly absorb all info we can on you in order to make up our mind, and as stated before, leave the door or window open, just in case there's something we've missed.

 

[raz]

..... and Siegfried, I don't even think Raz has posted on this thread yet? lol

Just saw that. Too busy daydreaming about the ESFJ I have my sights set on.

There aren't really many ENFPs I've dealt with in real life. I don't know. It's just, they're fine on here, but when I interact with them in real life, I just get a little bored. I wouldn't know what to tell you, except keep talking to her. If it goes on for a while though, I'd try confronting her if the signs are showing something more than friends.

 

[Lady_X]

confronting her? odd word choice...whatever do you mean?

 

[Wild horses]

Does sound a little scary Raz! LOL Don't know how I'd handle being confronted by an ISTJ

 

[Mondo]

Just saw that. Too busy daydreaming about the ESFJ I have my sights set on.

There aren't really many ENFPs I've dealt with in real life. I don't know. It's just, they're fine on here, but when I interact with them in real life, I just get a little bored. I wouldn't know what to tell you, except keep talking to her. If it goes on for a while though, I'd try confronting her if the signs are showing something more than friends.

It is just something a man is forced into doing, since if a woman is interested in a man, she will hardly ever let him know in a direct manner... so 'confront' is an appropriate word,

 

[d@v3]

Just saw that. Too busy daydreaming about the ESFJ I have my sights set on.

There aren't really many ENFPs I've dealt with in real life. I don't know. It's just, they're fine on here, but when I interact with them in real life, I just get a little bored. I wouldn't know what to tell you, except keep talking to her. If it goes on for a while though, I'd try confronting her if the signs are showing something more than friends.

I thought about confronting her, but I didn't think she would be the type that would enjoy that. In fact, I think it would scare her away. Furthermore, I wouldn't know how to confront her without making it awkward for either of us.

So there is no way to tell if your "in" or not with an ENFP until your in a relationship?! Now THAT is intimidating, because it could all just be a big waste of time. So how much time should go by before "confronting" her?

 

[Amargith]

I thought about confronting her, but I didn't think she would be the type that would enjoy that. In fact, I think it would scare her away. Furthermore, I wouldn't know how to confront her without making it awkward for either of us.

So there is no way to tell if your "in" or not with an ENFP until your in a relationship?! Now THAT is intimidating, because it could all just be a big waste of time. So how much time should go by before "confronting" her?

You guys are so weird on that...why does everything have to be on a deadline? Why not use the time to just spend time with her and figure out whether or not she's really what you want, what you can live with. Basically, use the time to get the info you need to see if she's right for you. That's what she'll be doing, and why there's no way to tell with her. Usually, when you do grow closer, and you find that she's everything you want, you can tell by the bond you have if she feels the same way. It's why I don't see the point of confronting. If something in the connection is missing, then you'll notice the bond not deepening anymore. That's the cue that things aren't gonna go any further and you'll just be friends.

 

[Lady_X]

I thought about confronting her, but I didn't think she would be the type that would enjoy that. In fact, I think it would scare her away. Furthermore, I wouldn't know how to confront her without making it awkward for either of us.

So there is no way to tell if your "in" or not with an ENFP until your in a relationship?! Now THAT is intimidating, because it could all just be a big waste of time. So how much time should go by before "confronting" her?

i'm going to have to disagree with everyone here. that is not the case for me...this all in business...what?? i've been with the same person forever so...all of this advice from me is coming from before that...but when i liked someone i just liked them...wasn't still open to other people...and i let it be clear i liked them...but we certainly do flirt in a friendly way...or i do at least...i like to be friends with someone while i'm getting to know them...i just don't relate to this ''all in" business.

 

[d@v3]

You guys are so weird on that...why does everything have to be on a deadline? Why not use the time to just spend time with her and figure out whether or not she's really what you want, what you can live with. Basically, use the time to get the info you need to see if she's right for you. That's what she'll be doing, and why there's no way to tell with her. Usually, when you do grow closer, and you find that she's everything you want, you can tell by the bond you have if she feels the same way. It's why I don't see the point of confronting. If something in the connection is missing, then you'll notice the bond not deepening anymore. That's the cue that things aren't gonna go any further and you'll just be friends.

Well.... maybe not a deadline (maybe a timeline?)... but after 3 weeks of "talking/flirting" it would be nice to go out for coffee or a movie or something. Is that too much to ask? If we don't get along or something is missing on that first date, then yes, there is no reason we can't just be friends. It's just getting to that first date that's the hard part. But how do you get to the first date without knowing if she is interested? If we don't go on a date, how will we ever know if we get along or not? Maybe I'm stuck in old school dating methods, but isn't that how it's supposed to work?

And of course, I don't expect to be "all in" after the first date. In fact, that is really the furthest thing from my mind right now. This first date is what is haunting me.

Erin, how did you show that you liked them? I mean, if you don't agree with the definition of "all in" said earlier, then was it in a more subtle way? I didn't realize ENFP's could be subtle. They are always the ones that you can get excited real easily.

 

[Lady_X]

maybe i'm misunderstanding what is meant by that then.

forget my post..maybe it didn't make sense.

 

[d@v3]

maybe i'm misunderstanding what is meant by that then.

forget my post..maybe it didn't make sense.

*sigh* I don't like subtley. I either end up not "getting" it or it confuses me because I take people seriously!
........ but I like to be subtle when I'm joking with other people.

 

[Lady_X]

i'm not subtle...i intended to say the opposite. i said i let it be clear when i liked someone...how did you get subtlety out of that. i'm the girl that will say...i like you. i want to hang out more...i'm not subtle at all.

 

[Amargith]

Dave, I'm not talking about the dates. You're right, in order to figure out the rest, you should be able to spend time together, whether it be casual, or on a date. Just tell her that you enjoy her company and would like to see more of her. And suggest a date and activity..and hopefully she'll accept or otherwise give you a good explanation