[ISTJ] ISTJ the confusion:the push/pull

[d@v3]

Beat is right! For an ISTJ, exposing yourself seems to be like breaking the ISTJ code of silence! It is very awkward and to do it in person (in public) would be VERY rare.

But if YOU are trying to tell an ISTJ something, are you using VERY obvious (submissive?) body language? If not, then you may come off as not truly meaning what you are saying... If you say you are interested in an ISTJ, that ISTJ needs to see some concrete evidence-look into their eyes when you are talking? If they hesitate to answer your question, give them time- don't back them into a corner and force them to answer because it will probably back-fire on you. (I explained what the response might be like in a previous post)

I'm not sure what to tell you- except that an ISTJ needs evidence of blantant and obvious body language or other means of getting the message across- not just you saying it to them. Oh, and we like boundary's so im not saying go try to violate your ISTJ because that will just push him away and make things A LOT worst. But the closer "friend" you get to the ISTJ, the more and more boundaries/layers come down. Ever seen SHREK? We are like onions- we have layers! And you are trying to get to the core.

Perhaps by writing an e-mail or texting? I know for a fact it would be a cold day in hell before I ever got involved in a conversation like this in person- I would most likely walk away!

Gosh my posts seem long- we need a live chatroom on this website!

 

[Cimarron]

Maybe this board just happens to be full of cowardly ISTJ specimens, I don't know, but I like to be in control of my small world. Not other people's lives, but my own. If I lose that, if someone even tries to mess with it, they're not going to be on my good side. I take risks sometimes, but it's not something I like to do, and not without thinking it through first.

I've seen some ISTJs here say they are good at conversations. Personally, I'm not. Even when I want to talk and hold a conversation with someone, I find it very difficult to do. If it's someone I really want to talk to and get to know, I'll be thinking, "Please say something, and I'll try my best to keep it going." Happens with girls I like, but also with anyone new to me who I want to be friends with. The other person needs to provide a lot of the fuel for conversations, which I know probably seems like an unfair burden. To make up for it, I try to show that I really want to talk, and that their effort is appreciated and wanted.

Hmm...this post didn't directly answer the questions as it was meant to. But I wasn't sure exactly what to say.

 

[PinkIceTD]

Oh, additionally, it's good to keep in mind that ENFP can be a little overwhelming at times... and I get the sense the ISTJ can only take one "bare with our feelings" bout at a time. I can hardly blame them. But that said, I think this could be the lack of interest you pick up on from time-to-time. Lots to process for the ISTJ.

Yeah, I'm learning...

 

[PinkIceTD]

Beat is right! For an ISTJ, exposing yourself seems to be like breaking the ISTJ code of silence! It is very awkward and to do it in person (in public) would be VERY rare.

But if YOU are trying to tell an ISTJ something, are you using VERY obvious (submissive?) body language? If not, then you may come off as not truly meaning what you are saying... If you say you are interested in an ISTJ, that ISTJ needs to see some concrete evidence-look into their eyes when you are talking? If they hesitate to answer your question, give them time- don't back them into a corner and force them to answer because it will probably back-fire on you. (I explained what the response might be like in a previous post)

I'm not sure what to tell you- except that an ISTJ needs evidence of blantant and obvious body language or other means of getting the message across- not just you saying it to them. Oh, and we like boundary's so im not saying go try to violate your ISTJ because that will just push him away and make things A LOT worst. But the closer "friend" you get to the ISTJ, the more and more boundaries/layers come down. Ever seen SHREK? We are like onions- we have layers! And you are trying to get to the core.
Perhaps by writing an e-mail or texting? I know for a fact it would be a cold day in hell before I ever got involved in a conversation like this in person- I would most likely walk away!

Gosh my posts seem long- we need a live chatroom on this website!

In the beginning i made this mistake, man did it backfire. i wanted to cry!

I saw shrek just this weekend, and when I heard him say this I was thinking Shrek might be an ISTJ.

I agree

 

[d@v3]

I agree, Shrek is deffinitley an ISTJ- but I'm not an Ogre

 

[ArbiterDewey]

Lol, I exhausted myself coming up with a non-relevant reply. (not this one)

I agree with the other ISTJ's thus far. I'm glad that there are so many of us on here now.

Sorry I couldn't be helpful.

 

[The Chase]

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/sj-guardhouse/9428-understanding-male-istj-minds-21.html#post424644 <------- from this post


It seems a common theme to be totally confused by the ISTJ in your life that you are working to emotionally attach/bond with........that their words and actions do not match.

The ISTJ's words and actions do match. They tell you once that they care about you and then spend the next 20 years doing things that show it.

What they lack in words, they make up for in action.

 

[d@v3]

I'll second that! You just have to have patience and give the ISTJ time to show you through actions that they care- keep an eye out for little things... for example, I would NEVER let a date pay the bill after our meal... not unless they insisted!