[ISFJ] ISFJ's Inflexibility

[Maverick]

An NT (J, anyway) making a joke for social purposes sometimes can smack of "I AM MAKING A JOKE FOR SOCIAL PURPOSES NOW."

Definitely.

Either that or "I AM MAKING A JOKE BUT REALLY I'M JUST TAKING THE PISS OUT OF YOU AND GETTING AWAY WITH IT SOCIALLY"

Oh yes. I actually flaked on the thread and thought briefly that we were giving advice to Maverick who wanted to know how to better get along with an ISFJ but reading back over it I see that this is not the case.

Hey... you got the MBTI thing wrong. I'm the ENTJ, so I'm the one giving advice to everyone else on this board, right!

 

[wildcat]

Differentation is a difficult art.

The original idea of typology (especially the typology of Jung) was to increase understanding.
Not to decrease it.

The object of arbitration does not exist.

 

[FDG]

Obey proper social protocol.

With enough training, this can be made only optional and circumstantial.

 

[crandolph]

There are two ways to convince an ISFJ:
- either you insist a lot with all the possible logical reasons and they say yes because of exhaustion.
- or you get ANGRY, incredibly ANGRY to the point they understand how their view is going to completely endanger the relationship and they'll agree with you.

Oh wow. I think I just realized that this is exactly what I tend to do with my ISFJ husband, but without the awareness (or manipulative intent). Makes for a short-term win but a grievous long-term loss.

 

[quietgirl]

I agree. I work with ISFJs and I have a number of ISFJ friends. First make them feel appreciated and acknowledged, because that usually settles them down and then they'll help you. I think ISFJs are very easy to satisfy. Once I pulled a Employee of the Hour (!) template of the internet and gave it to one of my ISFJ coworkers in appreciation for helping me with something I really didn't want to do. She still has it hanging up in her cube and was really grateful for it.

I'd first caution you to examine how you approach her as others have already said. You may not be aware of what you're doing that makes her react the way she does, so get yourself straight first. Also, this one time when I wouldn't advocate blunt communication. The ISFJs I know deny that anything is wrong which makes it damn near impossible to get any straight talk from them. Just start doing, make changes on your part first so they can see you're doing some sacrificing, since they so often feel like they sacrifice.

This is so incredibly true for my boyfriend. I find when he's being stubborn about something, it's best for me to figure out why he is being stubborn about a certain issue and then acknowledge him and show him appreciation.

For example, he HATES using the phone. We had to spend a month apart due to work circumstances and the phone was how we had to communicate. It also became a source of disagreement between us. I eventually had to back down on my stubbornness and tell him that I appreciated him making the effort with the phone calls (even if they weren't as often as I would have liked) and I acknowledged that he was making the effort to communicate. This showed him that I appreciated and noticed his effort & the "self sacrificing" stubbornness eased tremendously & he began to work towards a compromise with me - which ended up being a quick phone call during the day to satisfy me & a conversation online at night to show him that he wasn't the only one "sacrificing". It may seem silly, but hey, it works - and more importantly, it works without either of us having to sacrifice something we really do need. As long as he sees that I am making an effort to tend to his needs & that I appreciate what he does for me, then he makes an effort to tend to my needs. Deep down, ISFJs are kind people - you just need to show them that you notice their kindness. It doesn't help that noticing something isn't always an "N" type's strongest suit!