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[ESFJ] The Memorial Service of an ESFJ

INTJMom

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I went to the Memorial Service of an ESFJ yesterday. She died at age 55 after having "journeyed" with breast cancer for 13 years. There were at least 450 people there! In my opinion that speaks of the incredible value that ESFJs can have on their circle of friends.

Every so often I attend a memorial service of someone who was some vivacious outgoing world traveler who loved life and loved everybody and I invariably come away feeling like an epic failure. I am totally convinced no one but my family will notice when I am gone and they won't have the comfort of knowing I was loved and made an impact in other people's lives. I have already forewarned my kids not to expect too many people at my funeral.

Anyway, congrats to the ESFJs in life. You will live well, love well, and end well. That is better than being an N.
 

Bella

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I went to the Memorial Service of an ESFJ yesterday. She died at age 55 after having "journeyed" with breast cancer for 13 years. There were at least 450 people there! In my opinion that speaks of the incredible value that ESFJs can have on their circle of friends.

Every so often I attend a memorial service of someone who was some vivacious outgoing world traveler who loved life and loved everybody and I invariably come away feeling like an epic failure. I am totally convinced no one but my family will notice when I am gone and they won't have the comfort of knowing I was loved and made an impact in other people's lives. I have already forewarned my kids not to expect too many people at my funeral.

Anyway, congrats to the ESFJs in life. You will live well, love well, and end well. That is better than being an N.

I sincerely wonder if it really matters. Some people are born for greatness, some aren't. So what?

I'm sure you're a good mom. And if you are, then it's job well done. The End.
 

proteanmix

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Don't feel bad. Even the cold clammy hands of death couldn't stop the ESFJ from manipulating all of those people into being at her funeral. ;) It's a ruse!
 

Totenkindly

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Don't feel bad. Even the cold clammy hands of death couldn't stop the ESFJ from manipulating all of those people into being at her funeral. ;) It's a ruse!

I KNEW IT! It's a TRAP!!!!

RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

*SHRIEK*

450 people, huh?
Quantity < Quality.

Yeah. As long as Jack comes to my funeral (and doesn't spit on my casket), I will consider my life and death successful.
 

Salomé

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I've never understood why anyone cares about what happens at their funeral....of all the things to care about.....

I hope I die alone in a remote glen unmourned by passing sheep, snacked on by crows, or manure for the worms. I'd rather cause as little suffering as possible, and be of some use, even in corruptibility.


"No longer mourn for me when I am dead
Then you shall hear the surly sullen bell
Give warning to the world that I am fled
From this vile world, with vilest worms to dwell:
Nay, if you read this line, remember not
The hand that writ it; for I love you so
That I in your sweet thoughts would be forgot
If thinking on me then should make you woe.
O, if, I say, you look upon this verse
When I perhaps compounded am with clay,
Do not so much as my poor name rehearse.
But let your love even with my life decay,
Lest the wise world should look into your moan
And mock you with me after I am gone." - the shakester
 

Totenkindly

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As opposed to:

"Bury me in a plain old box
Make sure I look decent
Make sure I've got socks.

And don't let Aunt Susie
jibe at my hair,
or the fact I had nothing
too fancy to wear.

And now that I think of it,
what's best, beyond far
is not having to deal
with the family no more."

? :)

Well I didn't want to be an asshole, but you know most of those people were just there to network.

*grump* case in point.

INTJMom said:
Every so often I attend a memorial service of someone who was some vivacious outgoing world traveler who loved life and loved everybody and I invariably come away feeling like an epic failure. I am totally convinced no one but my family will notice when I am gone and they won't have the comfort of knowing I was loved and made an impact in other people's lives. I have already forewarned my kids not to expect too many people at my funeral.

just to stay on target a moment...

... I think it's a wonderful testament to your friend that she had so many people who felt she had made a meaningful impact on their lives enough for them to come out.

But I wouldn't base my value on how many people show up at the funeral.
 

INTJMom

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...
But I wouldn't base my value on how many people show up at the funeral.
Thanks for getting the thread back on track.
The people who are grieving care about how many people show up.
It's comforting to them.
I still remember my husband commenting how many cars there were in line on the way to the cemetery to bury his mother.
That's just one example.

I don't know Jennifer. I don't see how I can assume my life had any value if nobody notices when I die.
If we don't touch other people's lives in some meaningful way, what in the world are we here for?
(And of course, you understand I'm speaking from a Christian paradigm.)
 

Totenkindly

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Thanks for getting the thread back on track.

Yes, I didn't mean to derail and wanted to make sure we didn't lose it.

The people who are grieving care about how many people show up. It's comforting to them. I still remember my husband commenting how many cars there were in line on the way to the cemetery to bury his mother. That's just one example.

Well, that's true. It would help the grieving family perhaps feel that others had seen what they had seen in terms of their passed love one. And even if we know "numbers don't matter," emotionally it's still reaffirming when many people showed up.

One of the most unexpected highlights of my high school life was when I won the "Most Outstanding Choir Member" award my senior year. Why it meant so much to me seems dumb at times. I won many awards in the music programs but they were all based on competence and were awarded by the directors. This particular award, however was voted on by the entire choir. Yes, in some ways it was just a popularity contest... but I never felt popular at all, anywhere, and to know that many people at core level held me in that much esteem ... ?

It still matters to me, even if intellectually I can dismiss it in some ways. It still chokes me up to think about; maybe I contributed more than I had thought.

I don't know Jennifer. I don't see how I can assume my life had any value if nobody notices when I die. If we don't touch other people's lives in some meaningful way, what in the world are we here for?

It's a good question. Maybe people would like to discuss that, in context of this thread.
 

Salomé

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I don't know Jennifer. I don't see how I can assume my life had any value if nobody notices when I die.
If we don't touch other people's lives in some meaningful way, what in the world are we here for?
(And of course, you understand I'm speaking from a Christian paradigm.)[/I]

That is so illogical.
Do you really believe that?
That doesn't make sense, even from a purely Christian perspective.
 

proteanmix

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Thanks for getting the thread back on track.
The people who are grieving care about how many people show up.
It's comforting to them.
I still remember my husband commenting how many cars there were in line on the way to the cemetery to bury his mother.
That's just one example.

I don't know Jennifer. I don't see how I can assume my life had any value if nobody notices when I die.
If we don't touch other people's lives in some meaningful way, what in the world are we here for?
(And of course, you understand I'm speaking from a Christian paradigm.)

I feel like things like this are difficult to talk about on the forum because so many people here have a disdain for...I don't know how to describe it. Mostly how Jack has responded in this thread is a good way to describe it. People here are very cynical. I'm cynical too but not in this way. When I clicked on this thread I expected to see something different than what you said and I was happy to see what I read. Then I felt like people were going to twist this into something negative like the numbers are meaningless, like it's somehow more noble to have 5 people at your funeral than 450. Even if half of those people were there to genuinely mourn for this woman that's a beautiful thing. Is it more so than if there are five? Of course not!

I don't think the number of people at this woman's funeral is meaningless. God knows how many people where gauche enough to use the funeral as a networking opportunity, but that's on them. Even so, they're riding off the impact this woman made on the lives of a lot of people. I don't find it hard to believe that she was able to form than many genuine connections. Of course I don't know her but I've met people that are able to touch you even in brief contact. Maybe that meant a lot to enough people that they showed up at her funeral. Maybe she had some dirt on them that she threatened to be reveal upon her death.
 

INTJMom

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That is so illogical.
Do you really believe that?
That doesn't make sense, even from a purely Christian perspective.
I'm not a logical person, Blue. While I admire people who can do it, I know it's not my gifting.
 

Jack Flak

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SJs never get my humor. Don't think I wasn't also serious though. I AM ALWAYS SERIOUS. *serious face (very)*
 

INTJMom

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I feel like things like this are difficult to talk about on the forum because so many people here have a disdain for...I don't know how to describe it. Mostly how Jack has responded in this thread is a good way to describe it. People here are very cynical. I'm cynical too but not in this way. When I clicked on this thread I expected to see something different than what you said and I was happy to see what I read. Then I felt like people were going to twist this into something negative like the numbers are meaningless, like it's somehow more noble to have 5 people at your funeral than 450. Even if half of those people were there to genuinely mourn for this woman that's a beautiful thing. Is it more so than if there are five? Of course not!

I don't think the number of people at this woman's funeral is meaningless. God knows how many people where gauche enough to use the funeral as a networking opportunity, but that's on them. Even so, they're riding off the impact this woman made on the lives of a lot of people. I don't find it hard to believe that she was able to form than many genuine connections. Of course I don't know her but I've met people that are able to touch you even in brief contact. Maybe that meant a lot to enough people that they showed up at her funeral.
One book describes the ESFJ type as the "How can I serve you?" type. One deaf person shared how this woman sacrificially sign-languaged an entire Red Sox game for her off the radio.

I decided to post this in the forum because of the historically "bad press" S types seems to get here, especially ES types. EVERY type has it's virtues. It's just harder to see the virtues of the S types in a forum because they are out helping other people in a practical way.
Maybe she had some dirt on them that she threatened to be reveal upon her death.
tee-hee

She wasn't a high-powered woman. I doubt that anyone was there to "network".
 

INTJMom

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Yes, I didn't mean to derail and wanted to make sure we didn't lose it.

Well, that's true. It would help the grieving family perhaps feel that others had seen what they had seen in terms of their passed love one. And even if we know "numbers don't matter," emotionally it's still reaffirming when many people showed up.

One of the most unexpected highlights of my high school life was when I won the "Most Outstanding Choir Member" award my senior year. Why it meant so much to me seems dumb at times. I won many awards in the music programs but they were all based on competence and were awarded by the directors. This particular award, however was voted on by the entire choir. Yes, in some ways it was just a popularity contest... but I never felt popular at all, anywhere, and to know that many people at core level held me in that much esteem ... ?

It still matters to me, even if intellectually I can dismiss it in some ways. It still chokes me up to think about; maybe I contributed more than I had thought.
I understand. I gained a little of that "popular recognition" in high school too, and the comments still mean a lot to me, 30 years later.

It's a good question. Maybe people would like to discuss that, in context of this thread.
No reason why not.
 

INTJMom

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The one thing that gives me hope is that this lady had no idea so many people were going to come to her memorial service.
Originally they had planned to have it in a place that held 50 people.

Realistically speaking (that's my husband's influence on me) it doesn't really matter how many people mourn me when I die. Only God knows how many people I will have impacted in a meaningful way.
And maybe they'll all die before me anyway. :newwink:
 

Jack Flak

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The one thing that gives me hope is that this lady had no idea so many people were going to come to her memorial service.
Originally they had planned to have it in a place that held 50 people.
She died thinking she was unpopular, not liked, and forgotten, and this gives you hope?
 

Grayscale

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i wouldnt mind dying alone in the mountains. many of my companions attended my funeral, you could say. :)
 
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