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[NT] Recognizing that one is in love

Norexan

Quetzalcoatl
Joined
Jul 2, 2017
Messages
2,222
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w7
Instinctual Variant
sp
When I trust you with a bottom of my hearth
When I write my songs inspired by you
When I cannot stop thinking about you
When I rather hurt myself then hurting you
When I plan big things for us.
When I use words like Us, We instead I.

Love like love. It is shame that we usually recognize it when everything is gone.
 

Metis

New member
Joined
May 2, 2008
Messages
2,534
I am curious as to how other NTs recognize when they are in love and if it's something one has to ponder over for days, weeks, months, or years or if it's something that one feels immediately and can instantly name?

I have noticed that being "in love" seems very unpleasant for me, although I admit that my understanding of what it means to be "in love" may be skewed by what society & poets say. For me, it causes me to prioritize in very wonky ways. Something I might usually treat as top importance may fall to the back burner, for example. I also equate being "in love" with sleep disturbances such as staying up too late and wanting to spend an unusual amount of time in bed. It can sometimes completely eclipse my thought and muddy my mind.

Or... maybe that's infatuation or a crush or something. Maybe really being in love is to be willing to fully celebrate another's unique characteristics, respect the facets of their personality (even if they're not quite understood), and also to fully embrace the desire to do just about anything to "make" the relationship work.

I've been (more or less) in the same relationship with the father of my kids for the past 15 years.

So what is love for you? And how is it identified?

I'm not certain that I've reached a suitable understanding myself, but I'm interested in what other people have to say.

The dopamine thing, plus a high degree of respect for the person with regard to his character attributes.
 

Shadow Play

New member
Joined
Oct 28, 2018
Messages
236
It's when I catch myself constantly thinking about that person, and I can't get them out of my mind even if I really need the headspace to concentrate on something else.
 
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Froody Blue Gem

Necromancing Scapelamb
Joined
Dec 19, 2018
Messages
1,141
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
954
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I myself struggle with putting my finger on this and being sx last while having a blurred T vs. F preference doesn't help. I have met people and had minor sparks of feelings for them but nothing I would take to the next level. Part of it is fear of rejection and not wanting to get hurt. If I ever did have that experience, I want it to be something special. I know what I want but when I put it into words, it sounds cheesy then when I meet a guy and people think he matches with what I want, he in fact does not...

I do enjoy the "in love" when I finally admit it (that one time) but the process of getting to admitting it is painful for me. The only situation that I would call "being in love" that I ever had crashed and burned and struggle to find connection and am terrible with it. Then there are guys who others say would be great for me and it makes me want to vomit and run away because they are the opposite of the type of person I'd ever want. :/ It's something I want to decide for myself, not a decision I want other people to make for me. And if I do end up a single crazy cat lady, maybe that would be better.
 
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