[INTJ] confused enfp

[clippityclop]

Yeah I have been following what you've all been saying. It's been a massive help. I haven't messaged in a few days, I'll message eventually but I'm just going to give it some time and space and see what happens with it. It's helped me calm down too, as I was kind of going a little bit mental there for a bit.

Thank you everyone for your insights and your words, it's really helped my perspective on things

 

[eastern_enfp]

I was reading this very interesting thread. An unusual one where the normally very clinically analytical INTJ is acting out of character.
Have you made any progress? INTJs need time... some times lots of it! Patience can be really tested. It is crazy as hell inside an ENFP's head to wait especially when you are anxious. But that's THE ONLY way to not fully blow this up.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

 

[Coriolis]

I was reading this very interesting thread. An unusual one where the normally very clinically analytical INTJ is acting out of character.

Out of character? Yes and no. We all have emotions, sometimes quite strong ones. The sort of behavior the OP's friend displayed is very much in character for an INTJ experiencing a sudden and overwhelming emotional reaction to something. Fortunately that doesn't happen often - which is part of why we are so unprepared for it when it does. If he is anything like me, he is using this time to calm down, get some distance on the situation, assess it rationally (and reassess it, and assess his own actions) and decide what he wants going forward. He may also be beating himself up for letting it get to him, and trying to use the benefit of hindsight to figure out how to avoid similar in future, something of limited value as these situations can be quite singular.


Sounds like the OP is doing the right thing.

 

[eastern_enfp]

Out of character? Yes and no. We all have emotions, sometimes quite strong ones. The sort of behavior the OP's friend displayed is very much in character for an INTJ experiencing a sudden and overwhelming emotional reaction to something. Fortunately that doesn't happen often - which is part of why we are so unprepared for it when it does. If he is anything like me, he is using this time to calm down, get some distance on the situation, assess it rationally (and reassess it, and assess his own actions) and decide what he wants going forward. He may also be beating himself up for letting it get to him, and trying to use the benefit of hindsight to figure out how to avoid similar in future, something of limited value as these situations can be quite singular. Sounds like the OP is doing the right thing.

Ahh no! That's not what I meant, @Coriolis .
The fact that he reneged on his own word and reacted badly to a perfectly rational interpretation of a contract they wilfully entered into - that's what I find unusual. I'd have thought the INTJ would have either quit or stayed - doing unambiguously whichever way. Maybe he'll take some time getting there, but I'd have expected calmer reaction because this, after all, was what he'd bargained for!

The vacillation of the OP's friend is more INTP behaviour, if you ask me. Confused interpretation of details trips up every INTP I know. But INTJs see the "general principle" readily and can resort to "common sense interpretations" any time. Sure, they can unreasonably argue for their (wrong!) PoV too, if convinced internally. But *they know* they are doing it. It's a conscious choice to protect their stance.
Here the OP's reference does not indicate such clarity.

What say?

Btw, I agree that what you've sketched is how I've seen the INTJ react too. Hence the entreaty to the OP to go slow as the only option (however vexing it might be!).