[INTJ] SJ in need of some advice for an INTJ

[SJguardian]

Hello all,

I've met this INTJ (female) whom I'm interested in because her values miraculously match mine. However, I have no idea how she feels about me. We also share interests, she's creative and artistic, she wants to save the world but has no idea how to do this yet at her age (she's just graduated high school). At my age I feel like her grandfather lol (I'm 30 years old). Anyway, I believe I have the experience and wherewithal needed to get her where she needs to be. I just have no idea how to approach her about this -- circumstances are a little odd (how do you tell someone you just met that you know what they want, and you can do things for them if they want it?), I don't want to scare her off; any help would be appreciated on how to do this -- I'd really like to get to know her better. I believe she's my dual or activator, so yeah, please help!!

Thanks,

SJGuardian

 

[SurrealisticSlumbers]

I didn't read this explicitly in your post, so please correct me if I am wrong, as I'm just trying to get the facts straight -- you are interested in establishing a romantic relationship with this girl. Therefore, your motives are not entirely altruistic but self-motivated. You mentioned you can "do things" for her and get her "where she needs to be." Does that hinge on her having a relationship with you? Remember, this girl just graduated high school, and is (I am guessing) 18. Really think about what you are trying to do here. Regardless if she thinks you are cute or is attracted to you, her family might not be thrilled that their daughter is dating a 30 year-old guy. Even if the guy (you) is "doing things" for her. (?) IF you typed her correctly, she is an Introverted Intuitive who may not have had much experience in relationships yet, or even been on a date yet. And at this age, it might really affect her negatively if you two get into a relationship and things don't work out. NT people, though they'd be loathe to admit it, experience some strong feelings and are more sensitive, just like NFs. Independent of type, teenage girls just don't have the level of emotional maturity or frame of reference for an adult relationship with a 30 year-old (i.e. moving in together, managing finances and grocery shopping, etc.) This is a LOT to ask of an 18 year-old girl. Sorry, not trying to judge or make you feel like a creep or anything. I'm just trying to explain that even though she may be mature for her age, she's still not fully cooked so to speak.

On a personal note, I'm not too far from 30 myself (I'm 26). Though it might be a gender-related thing, I am not going to help an 18 year-old with the expectation of him being "involved" with me sexually, romantically, etc. (!)Least of all because an 18 year-old, though a legal adult, is still a teenager! In my own life, there's an 18 year-old boy (yes, I said "boy," because that's what he is!) whom I've gotten to know, as he often comes into my mom's coffee shop. Brilliant young guy, who works as a busboy and has plans to further his education. If I had the opportunity, I'd help him in any way I was able, because that's what you do for someone you care about. And, if I was still an 18 year-old girl, I might feel attracted to him, but as a 26 year-old woman, sorry but NO.

 

[LucieCat]

I agree with a lot of what was said. Relationships with a large age gap can be extremely murky territory and are frequently dangerous for all involved.

However, you can still talk to the girl and be a mentor figure to her. There's nothing wrong with expressing that you'd like to offer her advice. I just wouldn't expect a romantic/sexual relationship out of it.