[NT] Advice about XNTP 13 year old boy??

[~Alissia~]

My younger son is killing me lately. What would you recommend for a newly 13 year old who doesn't realize he also has some responsibilities in the world? I am ENFP and definitely not a micro manager! I am pretty relaxed about chores and usually end up doing most things myself. They get A's and are good kids in general but he has become pretty rude to me when asked to do something. He will argue, insult and do anything to distract. No matter what job his brother is given ( it IS always more since he's older) my NT son will argue that his is harder and want to trade. Most often I let him but then he's complaining about that. He's driving me crazy! What works well for these types of kids?

 

[Nomendei]

Well, I don’t know if I’m allowed to give you an advice, and I don’t know if what I say is true. But I think an opinion more is always beneficent.

So, it looks like your kid is testing your limits. He wants to show you that his is tough and probably don’t mean the half he is saying. The best way is, in my opinion, to sit down and talk to him. It takes a lot of nerves to to so because he will probably argue everything your saying. Not only to make you mad, but rather to test his debating skills, and maybe even to understand your point of you better. But I think he’s a bit too young for this. Your goal during this discussion will be to understand the reasons behind his acts, like for example if he is bullied in school, because it could be that he is redirecting his pain towards you. It is also important to show that you are the boss, but not in violence or aggressiveness, but rather through cleverness, through words. If he is stubborn, he may want to leave or stop thinking rationally. Take yourself half a day, be patient, and close yourself with him in a room so that he has no choice but to speak with you. Take a book and read it if he deosn’t want to speak to you. After a while he will start to be bored and will search interaction with him. Then you can take the discussion further.

Don’t take my advice too seriously. I don’t have kids and are only 18 years on. I wrote this because, I was 13 only five years ago so a can remember how I was thinking at this age, and how my parents should have handled me.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

Enter him into debate class to get it out of his system so you don’t have to bear the brunt of it. Engage him in nightly discussion/debate around the living room or dinner table

 

[Frosty]

Yes looks like hes testing your limits- NTPs in particular tend to do this in a very... blunt and caustic way given the fact their Fe is so immature that it can be sort of grating feeling. They start to realize around this age that there ARE social rules, and the fact that they now understand these exist means that this whole new world that they only somewhat understand has opened up to them.

This can be incredibly frustrating for NTPs because by the time they are understanding that this world even exists- this world is becoming just about the most important thing socially for them. Teenagers social worlds can be awful.

I would say just try to set consistent boundries. Your son is probably frustrated and insecure and looking for a fight- he feels safe with you right now so right now the fighting is with you. Set boundries. Set clear consistent boundries about what is and isnt ok. He might initially throw them back in your face- but keep at it even if he does.

He needs your support more than anything right now. He is probably very confused and very stressed given what I said about his maturing Fe. He needs you there for him. Tell him you are always willing to talk and listen, but that certain thinfs are not ok.

Hold his hands through this- but also be firm. He needs that right now.