[INTJ] Childhood witness to in-home violence

[Usehername]

i notice most of the people who saw violence in their homes on this thread are introverts. I saw some degree of violence throughout my childhood, though I don't feel the need to elaborate, just witnessing that not many extraverts have posted here.

IME, this is the one subject extraverts keep deeply hidden and don't like to talk about. My sister doesn't tell her friends this, and only after sharing my own experiences have I heard similar stories from extraverts. These are all ExFx types, though. Plus, it's hard to say, because though my home isn't all perfect, it's definitely not the worst place, by any means.

 

[Synarch]

I experienced violence and disruption as a child and I am heavily extraverted. Typical overbearing father, but not a cartoon character of wrath or sadism. Just your typical beer-drinking, alpha male ESFJ. He was a police officer and like many ESFJ's it was his way or the highway. This creates quite the ego dilemma.

Nothing to hide nor do I necessarily avoid discussing it, I just realized it is what it is. Whether I decided to imbue the experience with mystical importance was up to me. It did make me rebellious, but as soon as I let the experience go, I was able to develop further and then it just became one small part of my larger story. Most of the dissonance for me was simply not being able to relate to him and simultaneously needing to come up with crafty solutions for avoiding arousing his ire.

 

[booyalab]

i notice most of the people who saw violence in their homes on this thread are introverts.

Most people on the forum are introverts.

I received a few spankings when I was a kid and my mom slapped me once or twice, but I don't think those things are that abnormal and I'm not permanently traumatized or anything.

 

[IlyaK1986]

IME, this is the one subject extraverts keep deeply hidden and don't like to talk about. My sister doesn't tell her friends this, and only after sharing my own experiences have I heard similar stories from extraverts. These are all ExFx types, though. Plus, it's hard to say, because though my home isn't all perfect, it's definitely not the worst place, by any means.

I'm actually pretty fine talking about it...

The thing that's most painful for me about it though is that I have the genetics and blood of the same man that did the kind of bullshit that he did.

My mother's biggest mistake in her life was who she married. That I am certain of.

 

[squibbles]

I experienced slight violence and a good amount of tension growing up, but I don't think this necessarily speaks to type. If anything, I think it's just more likely that this kind of childhood is more prevalent than we would like to think.

(Also, the OP did specifically ask for INTJ/INXX responses...)

 

[EcK]

I did see alot of violence and was put in extremely stressful situations.

just sayin'

 

[sonata]

There are a few "images" that stand out in my memory of my father and mother fighting and getting physical. In the mental picture, I was something like four. I remember very clearly that I was standing behind a vacuum cleaner.

My dad was drunk all the time and kept a load of guns in the house and she ran away from him across the country with me once but came back in a week because "he was all contrite". He was really good at emotional bullshit that's sort of difficult for me to describe --- guilt trips, us vs. them mentality, making you feel like you needed him, and "you're one of the smart people, and I love you, but only if you do what I want".

I'm actually pretty fine talking about it...

The thing that's most painful for me about it though is that I have the genetics and blood of the same man that did the kind of bullshit that he did.

My mother's biggest mistake in her life was who she married. That I am certain of.

I could have written that word for word. I also can't tell if I'm the same personality type, which bugs me, although I know that wouldn't make me him.

Do you guys think that this stuff makes someone more likely to be INTJ or something similar?

And WHY do I announce things on this forum that I very rarely tell my closest friends (because I just, well, don't consider it necessary)?

 

[EcK]

And WHY do I announce things on this forum that I very rarely tell my closest friends (because I just, well, don't consider it necessary)?

All the NFs made you mushy and all trustfull.
It's too late already, I can see your T melting ^^.

I say, keeping it inside of you is just giving the guy more importance than he deserves. Let it out like you'd talk about buying bread. Not like you have to preserve the guy's image or something.

+1 on ""you're one of the smart people, and I love you, but only if you do what I want"."
and then being called an idiot (only with far more exotic words), or something i could only translate as 'u fucking fag' (but the real version is actually way cooler) at 8 for no reason. (like not changing a channel on the tv when you were in another room and he's the one watching)

fun, i know!

 

[sonata]

All the NFs made you mushy and all trustfull.
It's too late already, I can see your T melting ^^.


+1 on ""you're one of the smart people, and I love you, but only if you do what I want"."

No! *grabs T away from NFs and puts it in locked freezer* There we go. No more melting mushiness.

and then being called an idiot (only with far more exotic words), or something i could only translate as 'u fucking fag' (but the real version is actually way worse) at 8 for no reason. (like not changing a channel on the tv when you were in another room and he's the one watching)

Super fun.

For me it was more like "You're not an idiot, THEY are, don't listen to them, they're all trying to poison your opinion of me --- what the hell are you doing with that telephone?"

 

[01011010]

I hate child abuse and I cant guarantee to not be self-righteous and kill someone, who abuses the weak.

This is exactly why I don't want children.

If anyone ever severely damaged (on any level) the kids I'd hypothetically have, I'd probably murder them. Mind you, I'd admit it and go to jail. Yet, that's never a good option or situation to put kids in.

 

[EcK]

No! *grabs T away from NFs and puts it in locked freezer* There we go. No more melting mushiness.



Super fun.

For me it was more like "You're not an idiot, THEY are, don't listen to them, they're all trying to poison your opinion of me --- what the hell are you doing with that telephone?"

ow, the emotional control freak; sweet!
mine was more about 'i'm the king of the world bow before me for no good reason at all because i'm a genius. Why? Because I never question myself of course! (ESTJ with some F)
That's the base, when i was maybe, 5,he went through years of financial hardship , the delusions of grandeur needed a hug I guess.

I suspect I might have gotten my sick sense of humor from there. Now when people argue I'm like, smiling like a kid having fun.

hey, we learn to play with the toys we got.

edit: and I forgot : whenever u do something 'wrong' it has direct repercutions on the rest of the family. To the point your mother gets mad at you for expressing yourself after you just got insulted and howled at by the father.

 

[mbeerti]

Property damage maybe, some aural violence perhaps...lol.

ha!

growing up, my spanked ass experienced some violence...

 

[sonata]

ow, the emotional control freak; sweet!
mine was more about 'i'm the king of the world bow before me for no good reason at all because i'm a genius. Why? Because I never question myself of course! (ESTJ with some F)
That's the base, when i was maybe, 5,he went through years of financial hardship , the delusions of grandeur needed a hug I guess.

I suspect I might have gotten my sick sense of humor from there. Now when people argue I'm like, smiling like a kid having fun.

hey, we learn to play with the toys we got.

hee, yes.
Delusions of grandeur are icky. So is the establishment of authority without a good reason. And I have never gotten along with any ESTJ I have encountered. My neurosis and their neurosis don't mix.

Mine was either an INTJ or misanthropic ENTP. Psychotic unhealthy people can be hard to type.

edit: and I forgot : whenever u do something 'wrong' it has direct repercutions on the rest of the family. To the point your mother gets mad at you for expressing yourself after you just got insulted and howled at by the father.

Ewwww. No one on your side. Luckily, I never had this, they separated when I was five and from then on were always against each other. In his mind, my mother's side of the family, teachers, lawyers, shrinks, friends, were all parts of the Axis of Evil. Add that to my INTJ tendency to distrust people and withdraw from them anyway --- he looked right to me for a while. I was a screwed up little kid. I think I'm not so screwed up anymore. Maybe?

 

[EcK]

Mine was either an INTJ or misanthropic ENTP. Psychotic unhealthy people can be hard to type.

:sad: but we're real teddy bears!!

I think I'm not so screwed up anymore. Maybe?

You seem alright to me, and a bit a fucked up ness keeps things interesting.
Also, when you actually had to fix things in your life, I believe it makes you a more complete\interesting person afterward.
So, cheer the hell up !

 

[sonata]

You seem alright to me, and a bit a fucked up ness keeps things interesting.
Also, when you actually had to fix things in your life, I believe it makes you a more complete\interesting person afterward.
So, cheer the hell up !

Thanks. I'm not sad, persay. Just uncertain. And I agree with that ^.

:sad: but we're real teddy bears!!

Oh, I know. My best friend is ENTP. So are many of the guys I go for and people I find interesting in general.

So you cheer the hell up!

 

[EcK]

Oh, I know. My best friend is ENTP. So are many of the guys I go for and people I find interesting in general.

So you cheer the hell up!

No worries, i was just luring you into hugging me.