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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018

    Default Broken ESFJ by INTP


    Three months ago my INTP gf (20yo) broke up with me (21yo).. when she broke up, she told me it was not planned and she hurt me really a lot. She even said: if you dont want to, well we can maybe still try.. but I told her she had to go for me 100%, so she broke up. We had been in a relationship for almost 3 years.

    We were different
    I deserve someone better
    I made mistakes by sometimes being selfish
    I did complain a lot about the small imperfections of her/us
    Pushing her to do things, made her pull away from me
    It was her first relationship and did not know if it all felt right (“not like in the movies”)

    First week of breakup, she wanted me back. After not talking for about 3 weeks, I decided to get things back together, she had realised she felt ok like this, without me, maybe there was a 25% chance we would come back together. I went through a really hard time, skipping uni, crying a lot, staying in bed, thinking about quitting life, missing and loving her more than ever..

    Every Friday we went sporting (boxing) together, so we decided to keep doing that together. I mostly talked about feelings and about us, which she could imagine I liked to, but she disliked it, she just wanted to be friends. After boxing I brought her home and sometimes I went in for a drink and went home at night (after watching a movie or something). Sometimes I texted her, sometimes she snapchatted me.

    3 months later, I really miss her. I really do love her, but I do not know if this is killing me. When I text her nowadays, she mostly replies with ‘yep’ and ‘nope’. Most of my Snapchats stay unreplied.. she does not send anthing to me. On the contrary, she did not remove our picture kissing eachother on FB, replies on this Scrabble app immediately when I play a word, wants to keep boxing, still wants to go to a movie with me, went ice skating with me at my bday because she’d really liked to, and she said she was checking my social media.

    Some things to know:
    Ive already gotten professional help
    She almost never initialized something, it was always me
    She almost never visited my house, I always went to hers
    She hardly goes anywhere, but likes to stay in the house
    Her parents really like me and liked that I was taking her places
    Ive been her first love, first kiss and only guy she ever loved (according to her)
    I went to a Harry Styles concert with her once, because she had no one to go with (I really liked it)
    I really want to understand her and are on mbti forums a lot

    What do you people think? Is this worth waiting/hoping/working for? What steps do I have to make and what will be best for her and for me?


  2. #2


    When an INTP finally concludes, you can't move them. Also, the more you push an INTP, the further away they run.

    Let her go, including friendship, so you can focus on your life and find someone who truly loves and appreciates you. She'll likely contact you in the future when she's feeling lonely but don't break. Keep moving on until apathy is your dominant emotion towards her. Then, maybe a friendship is possible but it will be your choice.
    Likes AddictedOne liked this post

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018


    Thanks Bechimo for the reply.
    Iv been through a horrible time and still feel bad.. I try to move on and to not think about her, but sometimes that is just impossible. The whole story is on another forum (Personalitycafe > INTP > '[INTP] INTP & ESFJ? Need positive feedback. Prepare for emotions'.
    But she found out about it, so I moved.
    What I really cannot understand is that she can just place me out of her life. We've been together for such a long time and did so many funny things. I've done so much for her, going to concerts, boybands etc. These girls there were like: 'omg you have the best bf ever!' Why did she not get that? I find it inhumane to cut someone off after all theyve done. Sometimes I really get pissed when I think about it. But maybe that is how I should feel, to get over her ASAP. But then I am cutting her off too, which I really disgust, at all times.
    I will try not to reach out for her anymore. It is up to her, if she loved me and misses me, I may be there for her. If she doesn't.. well I think it sums up the love she felt for me..

    looking forward to replies.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2018


    She doesn't give a shit about you. You need to accept that and move on. Also, being selfish isn't necessarily a mistake. Focus your negative feelings and use it to improve yourself. Hit the boxing bag as hard as you can. Destroy the fuck out of that boxing bag. It will make you feel better

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