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View Poll Results: What should I do?

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  1. #1
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    Angry Entp female and ISFJ male

    Hey guys,

    So I recently started talking to an ISFJ. On his profile, he had said he is a humble, down-to-earth and sensitive guy which I found really attractive. He had accounted this to the fact that he had grown up with many sisters. Although, he did boast about his convertible for which I told him that I don’t really care (not particularly materialistic).

    While we were messaging, I felt that something was wrong. I scrolled through the messages and I realised he had only been talking about himself other than when he asked about my day. Not even a comment on what I was saying or a question.

    He had previously been speaking to a girl (for the first time) which ended after a week because her family didn’t approve of him. So I counted it down to nerves. Nonetheless, I told him straight up that he had been talking about himself a lot. He apologised and said he would improve this. He said that normally he wouldn’t be interested in someone as rude and coarse as me (because of me calling him out), I thought that perhaps the way I had said it might have been rude but... isn’t constantly talking about yourself the rude thing though???

    He didn’t. Whenever he asked how my day was going, it was always just “sweet life” (bearing in mind he wasn’t particularly saying interesting things himself.

    I tried to spice it up and tell him a story about when I slipped on ice and rolled down backwards on an icy slope, then immediately got snowballed in the face and chased by the same person (to try and hug me). His reply: “lol, I almost slipped today. I guess my shoe has no grip.”

    Who does he think he is??? I just told him a story with literal twists and turns and his response was to ignore and bore?

    What do you guys think? My family are saying to ditch him but my browsing history is telling me he’s nervous? Are all ISFJ’s like this? I was expecting a male Pam Beasley... this is no Pam.

  2. #2
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    Im not gonna lie I didn't read the comment first so don't listen to first vote...he a guy. Im looking for beasly too though
    don't hurt him

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by dragon21 View Post
    Im not gonna lie I didn't read the comment first so don't listen to first vote...he a guy. Im looking for beasly too though
    don't hurt him
    I know he’s a guy and sometimes they might not... listen. But I feel he’s heavily focused on Si function, absorbed with his own experiences. Plus, I have plenty of guy friends who do actually listen and they don’t make a show of having good manners whereas this guy does but is not demonstrating whatsoever. He is lacking in self-awareness.

    There’s very little of the Fe warmth and adherence to manners (which he himself had said he places much importance on) which I had expected and was the reason that I was attracted in the first place. A genuine Beesly would do that.

    Plus, he literally is seeking a mother in a girlfriend. I have no interests in being that, I want a boyfriend not a son.

  4. #4
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    I know its counter intuitive but i think you should encourage him to use his Ti more I think it'll let see the distinction cause hee'll be like i cant treat her like my mom cause it doesn't make sense from your angle maybe...are you like a female jim halpert though. I don't have Fe so I don't know for sure, maybe get a male relative to hang out with him and kind of give him the game, like have your male cousin and have him have a lowkey talk about girls and how treat them or something like that

  5. #5
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    put a ring on it
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.
    Likes Peter Deadpan liked this post

  6. #6
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    Passive aggressive, likely narc who thinks he can't do any wrong, plus not even interesting.

    Don't even bother, you won't get anywhere with ppl like that, you will just get faux apologies and it will continue, plus you will be bored to tears. Don't bother engaging him or educating him, complete waste of time.

    - ISTJ who was looking for ideal ISFJ bf and had a narc (other type tho) as well
    There's no love in fear.
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    Do we want to remind you of something? Yes: the world is good and we belong here.
    - Richard Siken

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by dragon21 View Post
    I know its counter intuitive but i think you should encourage him to use his Ti more I think it'll let see the distinction cause hee'll be like i cant treat her like my mom cause it doesn't make sense from your angle maybe...are you like a female jim halpert though. I don't have Fe so I don't know for sure, maybe get a male relative to hang out with him and kind of give him the game, like have your male cousin and have him have a lowkey talk about girls and how treat them or something like that
    You seem to have better Fe than him (intp’s usually have better Fe than they think... and are fun too). I think his Fe is quite unhealthy because it’s more a need to obey social norms (well, except for listening), do the custom thing. I just can’t imagine him partnering up for pranks which I love to do because he’d be too worried. My sister is an ESFJ, even with her Fe Dom she partners up for pranks and even manages to make it better. That’s the kind of spirit I was looking for!

    As to speaking to my brothers and male friends... he doesn’t like socialising. At all! I love being around people, the more the merrier. After work he likes to go straight home and be alone which I can understand but that’s just not me. It would be one thing if he was fun then I wouldn’t have minded.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by agentwashington View Post
    Passive aggressive, likely narc who thinks he can't do any wrong, plus not even interesting.

    Don't even bother, you won't get anywhere with ppl like that, you will just get faux apologies and it will continue, plus you will be bored to tears. Don't bother engaging him or educating him, complete waste of time.

    - ISTJ who was looking for ideal ISFJ bf and had a narc (other type tho) as well
    That’s interesting, do you think he could be a covert narc? He tried to make me feel bad for being upset with him talking only about himself, calling me “rude” and “coarse.” I don’t think he even realises his own narcissistic tendencies.

    You’re completely right, I’m bored with tears. He never has anything interesting to say. I’m done! I blocked him on everything. As you said, there’s no need for explanations so I didn’t give him any, he won’t learn.

    -I think there are ISFJ’s out there who have healthy Fe and Si, ISTJ just needs to keep looking! Si can get warped and be so focused on their own experiences and with an unhealthy Fe it can translate into a need for constant validation. Although, I do feel that ISTJS with a ESFP/ENFJ make for a great pair and God knows ISTJ deserves better.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hellomynameis View Post
    That’s interesting, do you think he could be a covert narc? He tried to make me feel bad for being upset with him talking only about himself, calling me “rude” and “coarse.” I don’t think he even realises his own narcissistic tendencies.

    You’re completely right, I’m bored with tears. He never has anything interesting to say. I’m done! I blocked him on everything. As you said, there’s no need for explanations so I didn’t give him any, he won’t learn.

    -I think there are ISFJ’s out there who have healthy Fe and Si, ISTJ just needs to keep looking! Si can get warped and be so focused on their own experiences and with an unhealthy Fe it can translate into a need for constant validation. Although, I do feel that ISTJS with a ESFP/ENFJ make for a great pair and God knows ISTJ deserves better.
    I think so, because narcs have this tendency to only be interested in themselves, and what they want from another person is narc supply. If you respond negatively, he will blame it on you. The bright side is that narcs tend not to be happy, because even though their happiness comes from another's expense, their lack of empathy means that they will be completely empty on the inside and will constantly seek narc supply.

    Though, I think confronting people may be cathartic on some level, but I have never really seen it work. I do think people like that need to be confronted more often, for moral reasons, but also I'm not one of those people who really will confront others, so...

    I'm not really thinking specifically about a type at the moment. But thank you! I've usually read that ESFP and ENFJ can be great partners for ISTJ, but I just... don't tend to meet them, plus they don't tend to find me very interesting. I do have a problem with unhealthy anything really, but unhealthy Fe in particular is very... annoying.
    There's no love in fear.
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  10. #10
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    If you want a slave then they are perfect.

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