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Thread: Advice needed

  1. #1
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    Default Advice needed

    My INTJ superior and i have a good (working) relationship. In the beginning i was a bit nervous around him because it felt like he could see right through me but we talked and laughed a lot, he teased me and is always looking after me.
    But in the last couple of months things changed. Conversations became more personal and he started texting me after work hours and during the christmas holidays. Now back at work the situation is kind of weird, like a bit more distant but i can see his eyes following me around the office. I'm sorry, it's hard explaining (english is not my first language), i don't understand why the situation is so weird and i hope some of you have an idea and can tell me what i should do.
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  2. #2

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    I wouldn't make any early judgments, if your relationship has really become more person, don't be shy and ask him how he sees the situation. You can't lose anything by asking and at least you'll know where you two stand. Sometimes being open and honest is the best way.
    Likes Madboot liked this post

  3. #3
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    Probably he likes you and is concerned for you.

    Just act normal or just ask him straight up like Fay said. If you can get lunch together, that's an option too. It might shock him.

    Also maybe he doesn't see things your way either, and is really unsure.

  4. #4
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    Maybe i am the unsure one - instead of him - and I think you are definitely right, he will see it in another way. I don't want to shock him so i’m going to follow your advice and act as normal as I can. If the situation doesn’t change or gets worse I can always have a little chat as Fay said.

  5. #5
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    Sounds good! Good luck

  6. #6
    Senior Member xenaprincess's Avatar
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    That is weird, though. To me, it's close to crossing the line.

    How long have you worked there? What were the texts about? Were they totally random and not work related?
    Is he married? (not that it matters much these days)

    I have an INTP boss, and if he were to text me over the holidays about random, non-work-related things...I would think it was strange. He and I get along, but.... Of course, people do wind up in personal romantic relationships with their bosses. Not judging, here.

    ETA: He might be acting out if he's unhappy in a relationship. Sometimes the unhappiness makes someone do stuff, but it might not be intended to lead to anything. It's just a way for him to act out. My conjecture.

  7. #7
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    I had exact same experience started about a year ago. He is 26 years older than me. We had such good work related conversations and really enjoyed working together. He gave me complements and listened when I spoke. He also started with more personal messages and then got weird straring at me and being awkward in my presence (was cinda cute) Then he started with the witty sarcastic jokes and acting extremely Goofy (which I enjoyed) He even hugged me and playfully touched my arms and shoulders I must have done something wrong or hurt him or disappointed him because then he got distant and ignored me completely is very cold, formal and to the point with his communication. It got so bad that I wanted to resign. I did ask to him why and only replied that it is his personality and I should not take anything personally. I even asked him if he wants me to resign an then for a brief moment in his answer that he does not want me to I caught a glimpse of that sweet caring side that I have not seen in a very long time. I suppose he is not aware that my heart got broken because I have started to warm up and open up to him and showed him a side to me not many people get to see, just to be shut out and left alone, without an explanation. It was almost as if he was furious with me or himself but I don't know why. Now 6 months later we are at a point where we are talking again but he avoids being alone with me. We talk but in a formal way. At times he still seems irritated with me and is not so patient with me like in the beginning. Sometimes I think the fact that I am a very hard worker dedicated and loyal employee is the only reason he still tolerates my presence, then there are times he complemens and encourage me but again not in the same way as in the beginning. He does not hug or playfully touch me on my arm anymore. He now once in a blue moon touch my shoulder but only happens when he had something to drink when we attend office functions. Things are awkward still my heart still hurting but in true INFP style I do not show it. I do not know why I developed feelings for him. My point is that I still have hurt feelings things are awkward at work, and I do not know what to do! I am so confused. Don't even know if he still thinks of me or has feelings for me.

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