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[NT] Do you answer your phone?

Dark Razor

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I dont have my house phone plugged in ever, I do have a cell phone but I mostly use it for SMS, that way I can answer when I want and dont have to interrupt what I am doing. I also tell people to send me email instead of calling me on the phone, most have understood that by now, IM is also great for non-intrusive communications. Generally I feel that if someone calls me on the phone they are invading my privacy because I am expected to just drop anything to answer to them. For the same reason I ususally dont answer the door bell, except when I'm awaiting someone.
 

SolitaryWalker

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No, I don't answer the phone. When I am at home, I usually try to lose myself deep in thought. This is why I always have my cell phone off. And when the house phone rings and interrupts my transe, I am sorely tempted to hit the off button on that one or unplug altogether. But I am usually stuck too far in my head to coordinate that, and low on physical energy as usual. At times I've spent over 10 hours just thinking...my solitary meditations are nearly everything to me and that ringing noise is quite the petulance for that one reason..

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Natrushka

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Sometimes I answer calls I know are from telemarketers - those dinner-time, late, evening calls - with "State your business". It knocks them for a loop.
 

Dark Razor

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Sometimes I answer calls I know are from telemarketers - those dinner-time, late, evening calls - with "State your business". It knocks them for a loop.

:rofl1:

I usually answer the phone with an intimidating "JA?!!"
 

Kyrielle

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Do you answer your phone?

It's a miracle when my cell is on and whoever calls soon learns why answering machines and family exist. I just don't like talking on the phone. I'me a very visual person and I get easily distracted when I only have a voice to listen to. This is why I'm usually the one to call my mother on the weekends when I'm away, and why she knows the phone will NEVER be on unless it's a weekend.

B]And what type are you?[/B]

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Sometimes I answer calls I know are from telemarketers - those dinner-time, late, evening calls - with "State your business". It knocks them for a loop.
I would love for people to answer the phone that way for me.


I answer the phone if I feel like it. INTP
 

substitute

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I guess my earlier post in this thread made me come off more antisocial than I am... I mean, it's not like I take pride in being as awkward and incommunicado as possible. I realise that it's rather selfish of me sometimes to just refuse to pick up the phone because I don't feel like it, even if I'm not doing anything in particular. So sometimes (quite often actually) this thought overrides my tendency to not want to pick up, cos I figure, y'know, that's what friends are for, and if I was feeling down and just wanted to have a chat with a friend to cheer me up, I'd be pissed if my friend wouldn't be there for me just cos they felt like having a little introvert contest with themselves.

But if I pick up, thinking like this, and it turns out to be someone who's just bored and doesn't really need to call me (could call someone else who's more inclined to talk, and I know they have others to call), I'll wrap it up as soon as I can. Sometimes though, I think there's a reason why someone's called me instead of someone else, so it's selfish to turn away. We never know really what's in the mind of the other person, despite their words. They may need us, just to say hello for a minute or two, no big deal to us but might be for them, so why not do it?

Otherwise it's a bit like saying I'll only be someone's friend, only be there for them when I deem it appropriate, and bugger their needs. Nah, I couldn't be like that, man. A lot of you guys seem to sound like you're saying you only want friendship or contact with humans when it suits you and your purposes, and like your routines are so damn important you can't interrupt them for a minute to just give someone the courtesy of speaking to them - even if just to ask them to come back later cos you're not up for it right now - when they've made the effort to come to you. Bit rude, and very selfish, IMO.
 

Geoff

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The phone equates to a noise that is repeating, over and over.. "talk to me now... talk to me now.... talk to me now....". I prefer to control whether I want to talk to someone, so I screen calls through an answerphone, and then phone back if and when I want to.

Of course, the UK has nothing like the phone culture that many of you are used to. Mine might not be used for weeks at a time.

-Geoff
 

Ivy

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Otherwise it's a bit like saying I'll only be someone's friend, only be there for them when I deem it appropriate, and bugger their needs. Nah, I couldn't be like that, man. A lot of you guys seem to sound like you're saying you only want friendship or contact with humans when it suits you and your purposes, and like your routines are so damn important you can't interrupt them for a minute to just give someone the courtesy of speaking to them - even if just to ask them to come back later cos you're not up for it right now - when they've made the effort to come to you. Bit rude, and very selfish, IMO.

I think you're equating being available for telephone calls to being available in a general sense. If I'm not up for it now, I don't see the difference between not answering and blowing them off after I do answer, except one involves actively blowing them off. I'd prefer to avoid that, precisely BECAUSE I do love my friends and family and don't like blowing them off.

Yes, I've got some firm boundaries (in part due to a personal history of not having firm enough boundaries and taking on too much) but if a friend leaves a message and sounds wistful or expresses a desire to get together in person, I'll usually call them right back and invite them over or see if they want to get coffee or something. I'm just not a fan of using the phone for much more than doing business or arranging real, physical, friendly contact. If somebody's too far away or we can't get together for whatever reason, then I'm up for chatting, but I don't think not always being up for phone chats makes me a selfish friend in general.
 

substitute

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The phone equates to a noise that is repeating, over and over.. "talk to me now... talk to me now.... talk to me now....". I prefer to control whether I want to talk to someone, so I screen calls through an answerphone, and then phone back if and when I want to.

Of course, the UK has nothing like the phone culture that many of you are used to. Mine might not be used for weeks at a time.

-Geoff

Indeed - it costs more for us to phone, generally, so I think a higher percentage of personal calls (non sales etc) are actually for a purpose, when someone's likely to need you. Most of the very chatty-feely types I know who like to talk on for hours on the phone, know by now not to call me for that, and they tend to call others more like them if that's what they want. So even if it's their numbers I see, I figure there's gotta be a reason why they're calling me, and there usually is.

I know what you mean with the part I bolded, but I don't often see it as a demanding thing unless it's a business call. If it's a personal one, it seems to be saying more like a hopeful 'Please talk to me... please don't ignore me... be there for me... " I just figure that it's a bit selfish to say I'll only answer when it's something important to me, and I don't care if it might be important to the other person. Least I can do is pick up to find out - after all, there's nothing stopping me saying, after I find out it's not important, "Anyway I've gotta go, I was in the middle of something."

Damn religion, corrupting my T-ness :dry:
 

Natrushka

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I guess my earlier post in this thread made me come off more antisocial than I am... I mean, it's not like I take pride in being as awkward and incommunicado as possible. I realise that it's rather selfish of me sometimes to just refuse to pick up the phone because I don't feel like it, even if I'm not doing anything in particular. So sometimes (quite often actually) this thought overrides my tendency to not want to pick up, cos I figure, y'know, that's what friends are for, and if I was feeling down and just wanted to have a chat with a friend to cheer me up, I'd be pissed if my friend wouldn't be there for me just cos they felt like having a little introvert contest with themselves.
FTR, I didn't think that. A few times I've made the mistake of picking up that ringing phone; no longer. I figure my friends and family would rather speak to me when I'm in a good mood, so I don't put any of us in that situation.

A lot of you guys seem to sound like you're saying you only want friendship or contact with humans when it suits you and your purposes, and like your routines are so damn important you can't interrupt them for a minute to just give someone the courtesy of speaking to them - even if just to ask them to come back later cos you're not up for it right now - when they've made the effort to come to you. Bit rude, and very selfish, IMO.

See above. I don't see it that way. It's not like you never speak to them. My friends and family have also learned that email is a much better way to contact me. As well, I don't expect them to answer my phone calls right then and there; I call, usually, to leave a message.
 

substitute

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I think you're equating being available for telephone calls to being available in a general sense. ...

No, I wasn't equating them, just sorta saying that the sorta unequivocal way some people were talking (didn't name any names and won't, though I didn't mean you lol), sounded like the thought process was no more complicated than "Do I feel like it? Is it important to me? No? Fuck them then."

I was only responding to what people said, I wasn't making assumptions about the things they left unsaid. Like I was saying if that's the way y'all think, then that's selfish, rude and well, a bit pompous really. Like some aristocrat with a butler that fobs people off for his lordship, who is 'not receiving guests today'. But I wasn't assuming that's what you're all like, and if that's not it, then y'know, cool :)

I also prefer e-mail or text simply because I'm actually allergic to the plastic they make phones out of and it gives me really bad skin to use the phone. But I still answer sometimes when I don't have to, and like you say Ivy, try to arrange a face to face chat or ask them over, so I don't have to talk on the phone for longer than I have to.

EDIT - also, a lot of people in the UK and Europe generally don't have answer machines. I dunno, they just never caught on as big here.
 

Ivy

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Seems like maybe some of this is cultural. I'm always fascinated by the little mundane differences between locales. Stuff that wouldn't stick out necessarily (less obvious than "OMG you guys drive on the left!").
 

substitute

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Seems like maybe some of this is cultural. I'm always fascinated by the little mundane differences between locales. Stuff that wouldn't stick out necessarily (less obvious than "OMG you guys drive on the left!").

Well yeah, and also a much higher percentage of people in Europe don't drive or don't have cars, and in the area I live, public transport stops at about 6.30pm to a lot of areas, so it's not as if my friends always have the option of seeing me face to face, and it's kinda no good sometimes to just say 'I'll see you tomorrow', if they need you now.

I mean, suppose a person is calling because they need to talk to you, and they want to come over, and they're checking you're there and stuff? And you don't answer the phone? But they really need a friend so they haul their ass up to see you, and you don't answer the door? And your friend is in tears and feeling alone and stuff, while you're sat in there feeling smug and aloof cos you're so cool for y'know, not answering things. Yeah, very smart, very impressive...
 

Geoff

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Seems like maybe some of this is cultural. I'm always fascinated by the little mundane differences between locales. Stuff that wouldn't stick out necessarily (less obvious than "OMG you guys drive on the left!").

I think you'll find he drives on the right like most of Europe ;)

-Geoff
 

Ivy

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Well yeah, and also a much higher percentage of people in Europe don't drive or don't have cars, and in the area I live, public transport stops at about 6.30pm to a lot of areas, so it's not as if my friends always have the option of seeing me face to face, and it's kinda no good sometimes to just say 'I'll see you tomorrow', if they need you now.

I mean, suppose a person is calling because they need to talk to you, and they want to come over, and they're checking you're there and stuff? And you don't answer the phone? But they really need a friend so they haul their ass up to see you, and you don't answer the door? And your friend is in tears and feeling alone and stuff, while you're sat in there feeling smug and aloof cos you're so cool for y'know, not answering things. Yeah, very smart, very impressive...

I don't know. Part of this seems.. I don't think I'm THAT important to anybody outside of my immediate family, such that if they can't get ahold of me right away they'll be in tears. Or maybe this is why I can't seem to get close to anyone outside of my immediate family and my best friend, who may as well be immediate family. :blush:
 

Ivy

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I think you'll find he drives on the right like most of Europe ;)

-Geoff

Left of the street, though, correct? I started to type "right?" but it confused me. :doh:
 

substitute

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Left of the street, though, correct? I started to type "right?" but it confused me. :doh:

LOL no I live in England, drive on the left. Rest of Europe drives on the right. England can get away with this deviant behaviour, as it's an island and its roads don't have to cooperate with those of other countries!* :)

I don't know. Part of this seems.. I don't think I'm THAT important to anybody outside of my immediate family, such that if they can't get ahold of me right away they'll be in tears. Or maybe this is why I can't seem to get close to anyone outside of my immediate family and my best friend, who may as well be immediate family. :blush:

Well, thing is, some people might feel hurt by your sorta rejection of them (as they might well take it), and be in tears because of that! It's not like the only two alternatives are "Fuck them, ignore them" or "Let them in and let them take over your life and ruin all your quiet times". There is such a thing as the "One cup of tea and then start dropping hints", which says "I like you, I welcome you, but I'm just busy right now".




*And also because some English people actually think they're not in Europe. Beats me, like they think they're a continent in themselves or something...?
 

Geoff

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Left of the street, though, correct? I started to type "right?" but it confused me. :doh:

Most of Europe drives on the same side as the US, the right hand side of the street.

The UK is unusual (within Europe) in driving on the left. Before someone badges it as the "wrong" side, it is used by about 1/3 of the world's population. Let's settle on "different".

-Geoff
 

Ivy

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Well, thing is, some people might feel hurt by your sorta rejection of them (as they might well take it), and be in tears because of that! It's not like the only two alternatives are "Fuck them, ignore them" or "Let them in and let them take over your life and ruin all your quiet times". There is such a thing as the "One cup of tea and then start dropping hints", which says "I like you, I welcome you, but I'm just busy right now".

I have a hard time drawing those lines, so for me (at least right now) it pretty much IS either of those first two options. I know myself well enough to know that I have a hard time telling people that I don't have time or energy to be supportive if I see that they need that, so it's probably best for everyone if they call another friend. This is probably why I have the one close friend and many satellite friends who I can't seem to bump up to that "good friend" level.
 
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