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  1. #1
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    Default ENTJ + ENTP = _________

    First met this ENTJ online and became internet friends. He's retired military, mid-30s, runs a non-profit, and began a start-up this year. Also, he loves to make people feel included/appreciated, his humor is dark, and he really is the "bully's bully." Everyone love him. He is notoriously known for being kind. Our personalities (on the surface) are similar, but there are obvious differences which intrigued me.

    During this time I began to understand how much he works: Twice a week he'll go 36 hours without sleep, sleep for 4 hours, and then start all over again. Why? Because his startup is his baby. It takes up all of his time. Because he's a perfectionist, he wears a lot of hats and add way too much to his plate. Ultimately this leads him to being extremely stressed (Hello shadow functions!!). Basically, his work ethic is insane, but I admire his passion/ambition and I love the work he is doing.

    Eventually we meet up, and we did make out, but things felt "off." I was surprised because I really thought we'd click. I confessed this to him and he understood. He reasoned that we pushed a romantic agenda and we should just be friends. I agreed. Rather than dropping the subject and moving on, he continued, "I think you're looking for a serious relationship and right now at this point in my life I cannot commit to anything." I understood why; He was investing all of his time in his company. Furthermore, he had started a relationship around the same time he started his start-up, but because he didn't have the time to put into his relationship, it fell a part.

    About a week later, I started thinking maybe a FWB relationship wouldn't be bad. We both liked each other, but I needed to spend a little bit more time with him to make sure this was a good idea. He was onboard, but things quickly went downhill.

    We argued about our expectations.

    He was expecting something easy. I was expecting to hang out once or twice more before hitting a home run.
    At one point he said it was "unfair of (me) to be asking that (i.e. quality time) of (him)," but at the same time he wanted to do FWB dates with me. I was like, If he has time to do FWB dates, why not hang out as friends so that they will lead into FWB dates?

    This odd potential FWB relationship continued for 4 more weeks. Not even kidding. Twice he invited me over last minute and I couldn't go. Then whenever I suggested hanging out, he wouldn't make plans because he didn't want to cancel in case his work wasn't done on time. When we would argue, he would flip flop on whether or not he wanted to start a FWB relationship. In the heat of the moment, he would said, "We're not having sex. We're just going to be friends," and then the next day we're talking about being FWB again. Eventually, I wanted to know if this thing was going down or not. We got into a fight and haven't spoken for the last few days, but we're still friends on social media.

    After some reflection I believe he was upset and lost interest because it wasn't efficient. He wanted more of a booty call and I wanted more of an actual friend plus benefits. Also, I think both of us felt lead on. Plus, I did get a girl crazy with him. Like he said, "You're not the girl for me," and I snapped back, "Of course I'm not! I knew that as soon as you said you couldn't/wouldn't commit."

    I'm thinking about reaching out to him in a few weeks. I think a revival is possible, but I don’t want a repeat of this situation. So if anyone has any advice on how to understand him and/or have him understand me, I'm all ears!
    Last edited by AlexHam; 11-18-2017 at 08:16 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by AlexHam View Post
    About a week later, I started thinking maybe a FWB relationship wouldn't be bad.
    That was your idea?

    Quote Originally Posted by AlexHam View Post
    I needed to spend a little bit more time with him to make sure this was a good idea. He was onboard, but things quickly went downhill.

    We argued about our expectations.

    He was expecting something easy. I was expecting to hang out once or twice more before hitting a home run.
    At one point he said it was "unfair of (me) to be asking that (i.e. quality time) of (him)," but at the same time he wanted to do FWB dates with me. I was like, If he has time to do FWB dates, why not hang out as friends so that they will lead into FWB dates?
    If he doesn't want to be friends, how are you going to be friends? This reasoning applies whether you have sex or not.

    Flashback to earlier in the OP:

    Quote Originally Posted by AlexHam View Post
    He reasoned that we pushed a romantic agenda and we should just be friends.
    It sounds like he was just being polite by saying you two should be friends. He didn't necessarily mean that he wanted to be friends.

    Quote Originally Posted by AlexHam View Post
    This odd potential FWB relationship continued for 4 more weeks. Not even kidding. Twice he invited me over last minute and I couldn't go. Then whenever I suggested hanging out, he wouldn't make plans because he didn't want to cancel in case his work wasn't done on time.
    You're wasting your time.

    Quote Originally Posted by AlexHam View Post
    When we would argue, he would flip flop on whether or not he wanted to start a FWB relationship. In the heat of the moment, he would said, "We're not having sex. We're just going to be friends," and then the next day we're talking about being FWB again. Eventually, I wanted to know if this thing was going down or not. We got into a fight and haven't spoken for the last few days, but we're still friends on social media.
    Are you sure this guy is even an ENTJ? Maybe he's a different type who picked up some ENTJ-ish characteristics and, especially, image, while in the military. Maybe he's a wannabe ENTJ.

    Quote Originally Posted by AlexHam View Post
    After some reflection I believe he was upset and lost interest because it wasn't efficient. He wanted more of a booty call and I wanted more of an actual friend plus benefits. Also, I think both of us felt lead on. Plus, I did get a girl crazy with him. Like he said, "You're not the girl for me," and I snapped back, "Of course I'm not! I knew that as soon as you said you couldn't/wouldn't commit."
    I'm not sure how you see that as girl crazy, but it sounds like he's not looking for you to be "efficient" so much as "Yeah, I'll take sex if you're offering it to me, but it has to be by my rules, and you must know I'm not into you."

    Hey, it's possible that he views your attempts at friendship as a way to manipulate him into a relationship he doesn't want with you.

    Quote Originally Posted by AlexHam View Post
    I'm thinking about reaching out to him in a few weeks.
    Huh?

    Quote Originally Posted by AlexHam View Post
    I think a revival is possible, but I don’t want a repeat of this situation. So if anyone has any advice on how to understand him and/or have him understand me, I'm all ears!
    He's not interested. Your time is valuable too. No less than his. If he were more direct, he would hopefully say, "AlexHam, you're wasting your time. I'm not interested. Find someone else."

    Leave him alone. Find someone who actually wants you. Why would you put yourself through all of that?



    See how that panda gets ambushed by infatuation, and draws its sword and slays the infatuation? Be like that panda. When the need to chase this guy gets on your mind, SLAY THAT NEED. Leave the dude alone.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    What the hell is FWB? Friends with benefits? If so, sounds like superficial horse shit to me.

  4. #4
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AlexHam View Post
    I'm thinking about reaching out to him in a few weeks. I think a revival is possible, but I don’t want a repeat of this situation. So if anyone has any advice on how to understand him and/or have him understand me, I'm all ears!

    He isn't into you. You are attempting to talk yourself into thinking he is and hoping this thread will reinforce your feelings.

    his startup is his baby. It takes up all of his time
    Find someone who has more time for a relationship and interest in you beyond being a convenient piece of ass to them.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
    Likes Jaguar, senza tema liked this post

  5. #5

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    He wants casual sex and you want more. There's no common ground. Move on.

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