• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[ENTJ] How do ENTJs become likeable and less threatening to others?

Risen

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 19, 2008
Messages
3,185
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
9w8
How do ENTJs become likeable and less threatening to others?

They should all be like You'rewrongim right, JJ, and Saltn'pepper :yes: :hug:.

None of them should be like my mother...
 
T

ThatGirl

Guest
Its been a while since I posted this thread, but yes, that is essentially the conclusion I came to. I think the feeling of having to walk on eggshells to avoid eliciting defensiveness, paranoia, and retaliation from others comes down to more of a demographical issue.

I think, if I were to align myself with people of similar goals and motivations, I would be seen as more of an asset than a liability. To aggressively go against the grain, just leads to opposition. Instead of changing myself, I plan to change the company I keep. Working on it.
 

ajblaise

Minister of Propagandhi
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
7,914
MBTI Type
INTP
They do what YWIR and Metaphors, and a couples other do.

Mistype themselves as ENTJ... or act diff on the internets. :cheese:
 

ajblaise

Minister of Propagandhi
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
7,914
MBTI Type
INTP
See, if I was an ENTJ, I'd be threatened by that (fragile ego, hall monitor syndrome), and probably infract or tempban

Uggh that'd be so unlikable. At least you're not ISTJ.
 

yenom

Alexander the Terrible
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
1,755
No matter how you coat your feces with sugar and cream, it still taste like shit.

The same principle works for ENTJ. The extra sugar and cream just makes it taste that much better.
 
R

Riva

Guest
Use brother or sister at the end of each sentence. It works, believe me. But only a SP could pull of perfectly each time. Or come closer to people one wants to talk to. It would naturally make you sound softer. It works too.
 
F

figsfiggyfigs

Guest
No matter how you coat your feces with sugar and cream, it still taste like shit.

The same principle works for ENTJ. The extra sugar and cream just makes it taste that much better.

YAY!!! Its yenom!!! He loves entjs to death, its all an act. Awwww. We appreciate your kind words sir :wubbie:

I knew you were going to post in here, and I wasn't disappointed. You're a sweetheart.
 

DiscoBiscuit

Meat Tornado
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
14,794
Enneagram
8w9
Learning to get that:

[YOUTUBE="Oz_-VaTHpc8"]Dirt off your shoulder[/YOUTUBE]

cause that's as close as the haters can get.

The way I do it is to focus on my 9 wing. *zen master*
 

Falcon

Permabanned
Joined
Sep 26, 2010
Messages
46
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w7
The truth, is that ENTJ's are not really likeable people.

They tend to be rude, blunt, arrogant, too honest, think they're always right, like being the center of attention, talk too much, excessive in many things, and not good at social niceties. ENTJ's are not people you'd really like to imitate because, to be honest, they're not really good examples. They're not leaders as most people think of what a leader should be: rather, they tend to think that they're the authority.

The reason why they do get away with this is because they are well informed and generally make it so that they are actually right and very competent. Just for this, their social utility cannot be underestimated - even though they are not likeable, they are very important for the well functionning of any system.

Having said this, I like them very much personally, but I'm biased.
 

LunarMoon

New member
Joined
Oct 19, 2007
Messages
309
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
3
The truth, is that ENTJ's are not really likeable people.

They tend to be rude, blunt, arrogant, too honest, think they're always right, like being the center of attention, talk too much, excessive in many things, and not good at social niceties. ENTJ's are not people you'd really like to imitate because, to be honest, they're not really good examples. They're not leaders as most people think of what a leader should be: rather, they tend to think that they're the authority.

The reason why they do get away with this is because they are well informed and generally make it so that they are actually right and very competent. Just for this, their social utility cannot be underestimated - even though they are not likeable, they are very important for the well functionning of any system.

Having said this, I like them very much personally, but I'm biased.

I strongly disagree. If ENTJs weren’t likable they wouldn’t be in any positions of power; that’s why real life psychopaths are less like Hannibal Lector and more like the consistently broke loser who goes in and out of jail while working at Pizza Hut on the side. The (unfortuanate?) truth is that people are far more willing to work with, aid, and promote someone who’s likable but incompetent than someone who’s competent but unlikable. Even the socially awkward computer geeks are likable enough not to fudge an interview. Thus an ENTJ with any hope of doing something other than flipping burgers (all of them) will learn this and will use his or her not too inconsiderable determination to learn some social skills and network with other potential business partners. They aren’t as naturally likable, popular, or socially savvy as ESTPs or ENFJs but they’re a lot more charismatic than INTJs and INTPs.
 

Falcon

Permabanned
Joined
Sep 26, 2010
Messages
46
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w7
I strongly disagree. If ENTJs weren’t likable they wouldn’t be in any positions of power; that’s why real life psychopaths are less like Hannibal Lector and more like the consistently broke loser who goes in and out of jail while working at Pizza Hut on the side. The (unfortuanate?) truth is that people are far more willing to work with, aid, and promote someone who’s likable but incompetent than someone who’s competent but unlikable. Even the socially awkward computer geeks are likable enough not to fudge an interview. Thus an ENTJ with any hope of doing something other than flipping burgers (all of them) will learn this and will use his or her not too inconsiderable determination to learn some social skills and network with other potential business partners. They aren’t as naturally likable, popular, or socially savvy as ESTPs or ENFJs but they’re a lot more charismatic than INTJs and INTPs.

You're not entirely incorrect - it depends how you define "likeable" and "liking". At first, ENTJ's are simply not friendly or likeable people. They are not socially pleasant people and they are not people to whom you feel attracted to especially.

Paradoxically, the fact that they are not inherently likeable at first is also what makes them, in the long term more likeable that anybody else.
 
F

figsfiggyfigs

Guest
The truth, is that ENTJ's are not really likeable people.

They tend to be rude, blunt, arrogant, too honest, think they're always right, like being the center of attention, talk too much, excessive in many things, and not good at social niceties. ENTJ's are not people you'd really like to imitate because, to be honest, they're not really good examples. They're not leaders as most people think of what a leader should be: rather, they tend to think that they're the authority.

The reason why they do get away with this is because they are well informed and generally make it so that they are actually right and very competent. Just for this, their social utility cannot be underestimated - even though they are not likeable, they are very important for the well functionning of any system.

Having said this, I like them very much personally, but I'm biased.

That sounds extremely ESTJ to me.

As an eNTJ...

I don't take shiz from anyone, but that does not mean I can not be nice and proper when I communicate.

I'm a likable and sociable person. When I am meeting someone, esp for the first time, I make sure that I do it with utter manners. I will hold back on the bluntness, which others might see as arrogant, rude, and "too honest".
Having someone like you, appreciate you, and feel comfortable around you is VERY important. Ease them in on the crazy, it makes life so much easier. Especially for a work/school environment; having a good image, can go a long way with getting people to do what they're told to do. People like to please those they look up to, respect, and like.
Socializing is no necessary by any means, it is merely a tool that is justifiable by result.

I don't believe I am the authority if i'm in a group; in fact, half the time, I don't want to take on the position of leader, because a lot of people do associate being a leader with being an authority, and giving them complete control instead of becoming one unit.

I don't turn people's ideas down as I see fit, I work with them, and they associate me with a leader because I help them organize, schedule, and get the tasks-at-hand done the right way, with minimal presentation of issues.

All that said, I don't put up with incompetence, will kick you in the shins; every now and then my hot-tempered side gets the best of me after I see a lot of mistakes being made. I won't yell, but I will burn a whole into your soul.
 
T

ThatGirl

Guest
I strongly disagree. If ENTJs weren’t likable they wouldn’t be in any positions of power; that’s why real life psychopaths are less like Hannibal Lector and more like the consistently broke loser who goes in and out of jail while working at Pizza Hut on the side. The (unfortuanate?) truth is that people are far more willing to work with, aid, and promote someone who’s likable but incompetent than someone who’s competent but unlikable. Even the socially awkward computer geeks are likable enough not to fudge an interview. Thus an ENTJ with any hope of doing something other than flipping burgers (all of them) will learn this and will use his or her not too inconsiderable determination to learn some social skills and network with other potential business partners. They aren’t as naturally likable, popular, or socially savvy as ESTPs or ENFJs but they’re a lot more charismatic than INTJs and INTPs.

I've never NOT aced an interview. As a matter of fact, I know if I can get the interview, I have got the job.

Winning someone over isn't the issue with ENTJ's, its keeping them on your side, over long periods of time.

Most people, the longer they get to know us, will start to think we are morally corrupt (since there is no social nicety we will NOT break if need be), manipulative (since we will always spin a situation to incorporate our favor as well, not that we disregard others, but it runs a history of always looking like we are getting our way. The way I see it, we TOO are getting our way), and sometimes down right mean (since we aren't really sensitive beasts, most of the things that come out of our mouth WE wouldn't consider offensive, so we don't assume anyone would, or they are stupid).

So, while we may rock an interview, we tend to suck at longevity unless associated with very intelligent or weak people. Those who are smart enough to see past what it looks like we are doing, to what we are actually accomplishing, or those who like to follow a strong lead, and not ask too many questions....

But you should know that.
 
F

figsfiggyfigs

Guest
I've never NOT aced an interview. As a matter of fact, I know if I can get the interview, I have got the job.

Winning someone over isn't the issue with ENTJ's, its keeping them on your side, over long periods of time.

- Morally corrupt (since there is no social nicety we will NOT break if need be),
- Persuasive Manipulative (since we will always spin a situation to incorporate our favor as well, not that we disregard others)
- Blunt/forward mean (we aren't really sensitive beasts, most of the things that come out of our mouth WE wouldn't consider offensive, so we don't assume anyone would, or they are stupid).

So, while we may rock an interview, we tend to suck at longevity unless associated with very intelligent or weak people. Those who are smart enough to see past what it looks like we are doing, to what we are actually accomplishing, or those who like to follow a strong lead, and not ask too many questions....

But you should know that.

Bolded statement is very true. People either respect you for what you do, or resent you for it.

I just condensed your post. I like what you wrote, however it sort of didn't apply to me.

I don't say anything just to be mean, I say it because it has to be said, and some people might think my honesty is mean and cruel. I also sometimes make jokes that come off as mean, which was not the intent ( pushing my limits )
I don't like the word manipulative, I can be persuasive, but I will not twist the truth to get my way.

I also know that if I got an interview, I'm getting the job. I have no problem with longevity myself however.
 

entropie

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 24, 2008
Messages
16,767
MBTI Type
entp
Enneagram
783
I generally have no issues with entj's, it's a bit of a live and let live relationship. There are some entj's I got to know, primarily on this board, I could easily imagine to be a good friend with. What I like not so much about entj's is when they talk about themselves all the time or enter a room and steal my audience. :) But I think that's a normal thing when egomaniacs meet :)
 
T

ThatGirl

Guest
I was saying that is how others tend to take it, not that it is really how I am. Thats why I say ENTJ's get along with smarter people, who can see through all that crap, but idk....Maybe there is a significant difference in our demographic.

Where I live, I am surprised half the people can learn to tie their shoes, much less, figure out what a collaboration really means for them too. They just see that once again, you have taken initiative on an idea that somehow benefits you. They completely skip how most of those ideas, benefited them too, and write it off as manipulative.

Its weird how, I could do things that just benefited them solely, to gain a level of trust, and in turn, win overall favor for later down the line, but somehow my mind twists that as actually being manipulative.

I am willing to accept the idea that I may have had some big life circumstances change my perceptions on a profound level, so I am probably not a good representation for the typical ENTJ response.
 

bcubchgo

New member
Joined
Jul 29, 2010
Messages
164
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
3w4
The truth, is that ENTJ's are not really likeable people.

The hidden truth is that deep down ENTJ's *want* to be likeable. I have found that (personally) I go through phases where I enjoy being social and attracting attention but - it is usually as a result of having experienced something that creates a need for me to prove myself in some way.. (for instance, if something negative or emotionally difficult happens to me, or if I somehow scare somebody away with my behavior.) I use social activities as an outlet to become more healthy when I am not. I sometimes think that we are unlikeable because we don't give ourselves enough play time. We are always too busy "doing" stuff, and sometimes treat people like they are "getting in the way" of our goals. (which they usually are.. lol)

I have no idea how old you guys and gals are but I'm going to turn 40 next year. It doesn't get any easier, believe me. I am finding more and more often that I need someone to understand me emotionally and also to provide me with flexible options when I get bogged down in details. I think one of the great catch 22's about being an ENTJ is that if they are in supportive relationships and are not feeling like their world is collapsing, then they can do amazing things. But to get to that point is very difficult because one has to learn to be a little less selfish, and a little less of a dictator to attract the right person.
 
Top