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  1. #1
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    Default ENTP relationship advice: warning it's a bit long

    To make this easy and simple I've had a more than friends but still friends relationship with an ENTP friend of mine. We've known each other for 2 years and he has always been supportive of the important things in my life. Listening to me and giving straight forward advice. He's talked to me almost everyday for the past 2 years, with a few breaks here and there in between. I am a late bloomer and have no dating experience. He's supported me during my stress and helped me with figuring out how to catch up to everyone and he's openly told me he feels like a big brother to me. Yet he has told me before that he is sexually attracted to me also and we've discussed many aspects about it. I told him I loved him in January of this year but I was in Japan, a silly thing to do, and he rejected me but he continued to talk to me and support me. We've discussed and talked about numerous things and I still love him even though he rejected me. I've told him that I still have feelings and he said he would try not to betray the responsibility. I know ENTP's are logical and they consider all aspects of a situation as possible. So he has also told me that he would leave if necessary. I understood.

    Now to the point. This past month I finally returned home from a year of being overseas. He invited me to go to a wedding and we hit it off as if I hadn't been gone. Had fun and talked and joked around. But he doesn't drink and I do socially, so i got a little drunk. Not enough to be a burden but enough to not read the air as clearly. We hung out with our friends until 2 am and then he took me to my sisters, where i was staying. On the way I realized that I my sister always locks the door and I could't get into her house and would be stranded. So i had him drive 40 min out of the way to my dad's even though he was tired. On the way, I asked him to go to his place for the night. But he refused. After dropping me off at home he texted me and said he was livid with me and we would talk later. over the next week I kind of forced him to talk about it and he told me I was inconsiderate to him and am oblivious to the situation.

    I know this is a long explanation but basically I am confused as to why, after all this time, such a simple mistake would set him off. Normally ENTP's are pretty level headed. So I'm wanting to ask the ENTP's out there if they have any advice or insight into why, after talking to me consistently for so long, he would explode on such a small thing. I have a few ideas please tell me what you think.

    1: I forced my one sided feelings on him for too long and facing it in person was too much so he decided to back peddle.

    2: He has found some of my tendencies to be annoying but has always told me to be myself and to do what I want. But after that night he said I was too inconsiderate and couldn't be trusted because a bunch of small inconveniences happened all at once. I think I might have pushed him past his breaking point and now he is considering whether the relationship is worth it.

    These are a few of my theories. I know you can't give the most accurate advice without all the variables and not all ENTP's are the same, but I would like to hear any insight from the the ENTP thought process or ideas of what could be happening. Or if I'm pretty spot on. Let me know.

  2. #2
    Senior Member StrawberryBoots's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 5footshort View Post
    I asked him to go to his place for the night. But he refused. After dropping me off at home he texted me and said he was livid with me and we would talk later. over the next week I kind of forced him to talk about it and he told me I was inconsiderate to him and am oblivious to the situation.

    I know this is a long explanation but basically I am confused as to why, after all this time, such a simple mistake would set him off. Normally ENTP's are pretty level headed. So I'm wanting to ask the ENTP's out there if they have any advice or insight into why, after talking to me consistently for so long, he would explode on such a small thing. I have a few ideas please tell me what you think.
    I'm ENTP, but I don't know if what you're describing with your friend is type related.

    What I can relate to is your friend's stress response and his strength of character. He may have over-reacted because he perceived you were encroaching on an important boundary, which he communicated and thought you understood.

    If you dig deeper, you might find he's stressed, stretched too thin with school, a career, a move, an illness in his family, or maybe, just maybe, he's realized he's in love with someone else.

    He may consider you a trusted friend, but because he's aware you want more than friendship and he's a man of integrity, he will probably avoid emotional intimacy with you, which means, when you try to dig deeper, he may get upset, shut down, or avoid you entirely.

    In my opinion, the possibility of the two of you being a couple, depends on who you are (having a complimentary personality), your strength of character (and constructive decision-making), and meeting his needs (reciprocated).

    His needs might include giving him plenty of space, allowing him to lead, giving him positive affirmation, having long conversations about his ideas and being supportive of those ideas, no matter how incredible they seem. Also, respecting his boundaries; stop pushing him for more and surrender to the moments you have together (led by him). He sounds like a man that prefers to lead.

    Remember, if the relationship's not what you want and he's not on-board with what you want, you have other options.

    To make this easy and simple I've had a more than friends but still friends relationship with an ENTP friend of mine.
    What does "more than friend, but still friends" mean?

  3. #3
    Buddhist Misanthrope Samvega's Avatar
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    I hate typing so I'm going to be short but I have dated an ENFP for a time and have been romantically interested in a few others always with the same theme. I really don't enjoy how experience based you guys are, I value it, I think it's beautiful and I even envy it but I certainly don't feel safe or secure hitching my emotional wagon to it. One thing to note about ENTPs, for how insane and silly and spontaneous we appear we're very very calculating and thought out. We see potential outcomes and take informed risks based on that where as I don't get that feeling at all with ENFPs as your so in pursuit of the experience. Anyway, like I said I value ENFPs and love you guys but you're way too mercurial and illogical for me to see as a long term partner and I would be pretty blunt about that. I also hate drunk girls, like I find it highly annoying and would never sleep with one as it's way too hug of a turn off.
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