[INTJ] They say: How are you?

[Norexan]

If someone says to you: "How are you?" can you respond properly? I hate when someone says that question. Why?
Because I am not able to answer properly. And I have seen this problem many time with all people , especially with loving ones (romantic way )
I just stack in thinking procession and then just say "Fine." even I don't feel 100% fine.
I can't express what I feel with words so I just say "Fine" because I am healthy and I feel fine , but deep down not very much and I don't know how to say that...
I can use poems but no matter what happened to me all of them are full of sadness and not so "standard romantic" because they are very very strange...

 

[Coriolis]

People I am close to know better than to ask this, or if they do ask, they really want to know and I am likely to be willing to discuss what is going on in my life. For all others, I have a stock response: "busy". Nearly always true, and noncommittal.

 

[StrawberryBoots]

If someone says to you: "How are you?" can you respond properly? I hate when someone says that question. Why?
Because I am not able to answer properly. And I have seen this problem many time with all people , especially with loving ones (romantic way )
I just stack in thinking procession and then just say "Fine." even I don't feel 100% fine.
I can't express what I feel with words so I just say "Fine" because I am healthy and I feel fine , but deep down not very much and I don't know how to say that...
I can use poems but no matter what happened to me all of them are full of sadness and not so "standard romantic" because they are very very strange...

I don't mind being asked how I am. I see it as a brief and friendly greeting for people of few words. Just say, "fine," and smile. That's what I do. No poetry necessary.

 

[Coriolis]

I don't mind if you ask me how I am. I see it as a brief and friendly greeting for people of few words. Just say, "fine," and smile. That's what I do.

"Good morning [name]" is a greeting. "How are you?" is an empty social ritual, unless you know the other person well enough to embark on an actual discussion of how they, and you, are doing.

 

[StrawberryBoots]

"Good morning [name]" is a greeting. "How are you?" is an empty social ritual, unless you know the other person well enough to embark on an actual discussion of how they, and you, are doing.

I understand and agree. I'm speaking of the 'greater' meaning. For example, some people will ask in passing, "How are you?"... but don't standby for the answer, so I translate that as "Howdy!" Thus, my reply, "Howdy!"

If the question is meaningful, I'll try to give a meaningful reply.

Either way, it's alright with me. When I'm busy, like you, I don't like to talk much, but I'll try to make time for people I care about if I sense it's important for them to know how I'm doing.

 

[Korvinagor]

It's a common courtesy, to say "okay/fine/doing well/etc". If it's any comfort, it means the person asking cares about you.

And that's a wonderful feeling, even if you don't answer truthfully - you have someone there to support you, and so on. On your own terms at a later time.

 

[Norexan]

I know the person care about me but what if that person is someone who you love and you are deeply be hurt? I can't answer. I can't express my feelings. I will always say fine if I am healthy. I am such a robot sometimes.

 

[Tiger Owl]

People I am close to know better than to ask this, or if they do ask, they really want to know and I am likely to be willing to discuss what is going on in my life. For all others, I have a stock response: "busy". Nearly always true, and noncommittal.

I have the same stock, noncommittal response. "Busy" implies that I am well enough as I am still getting my work done, but does not invite further inquiry.

 

[thepink-cloakedninja]

LOL I'm probably going to be in the minority here and say that I love it when people ask me how I am.

I take it as:
1. This person wants to talk to me.
2. This person notices I exist.
3. This person isn't mad at me (because I'm very scared of people being mad at me).
4. This person is treating me like I'm a person instead of a thing.
5. This person cares about me (depending on who is asking and their tone).

I don't really have a problem with answering, either. If I'm not good, I'll just be like "ohhh, stressed ..." or "oh, tired," or say, "well, still kicking!" in a lighthearted, enthusiastic way.

 

[fetus]

I work in retail so I kind of have to ask how everyone's doing and say "good" or "hanging in there" every time someone asks me in return

 

[Forever]

I have troubles with these conversations too. I tend to overthink and I do go back on what Coriolis has said, an empty social ritual. However there is always the possibility the pink-cloakedninja says that the person does actually care about my status of feelings.

I therefore would say it is fine to say fine or well, as those even to those who prefer grammatical correctness. I often make the mistake of saying "good" to adapt to those with those who do not mind or are unaware of the rule. Usually those who do care immensely tend to ask a follow up question anyway.
I have faltered on answering the honest and deep way to the point the situation has been incredibly awkward as they did not in fact wanted an update from me. While disappointing those who did care that I dismissed myself as private.

It is indeed a struggle.

 

[Smilephantomhive]

I juse use a stock phrase, or say something interesting to start a conversation.

 

[Red Memories]

I usually say "I'm alright" whether I am or not... XD

 

[Metis]

I know the person care about me but what if that person is someone who you love and you are deeply be hurt? I can't answer. I can't express my feelings. I will always say fine if I am healthy. I am such a robot sometimes.

Norexan, do you want them to know how you're feeling and not know how to explain? Or do you want to keep it private?
If the first, how DO you feel? If you can explain it to some degree here to us, then you can maybe use your phrasing from here to tell to others.

LOL I'm probably going to be in the minority here and say that I love it when people ask me how I am.

3. This person isn't mad at me (because I'm very scared of people being mad at me).

I'm mad about you!

How are you, pink-cloakedninja?

 

[Population: 1]

I live in Massachusetts and there's a reason they call us Massholes in other parts of New England. If someone asks how are you here it is done with about as much care and sincerity as a lion asks a gazelle 'am I hurting you'. I just say hello and leave it at that and hope the other person does the same.

Interestingly enough if you venture over the border into say New Hampshire you'll meet people who honestly are asking about your current state of being. I was floored the first time it happened. I like New Hampshire.

 

[thepink-cloakedninja]

Norexan, do you want them to know how you're feeling and not know how to explain? Or do you want to keep it private?
If the first, how DO you feel? If you can explain it to some degree here to us, then you can maybe use your phrasing from here to tell to others.



I'm mad about you!

How are you, pink-cloakedninja?

Amused

 

[Metis]

Amused

I said ABOUT!

Knock knock. Who's there? Boo! Boo-hoo? Don't cry, silly! It's only a joke!

 

[thepink-cloakedninja]

I said ABOUT!

Knock knock. Who's there? Boo! Boo-hoo? Don't cry, silly! It's only a joke!

Oh, I see what you did there.

 

[Coriolis]

I live in Massachusetts and there's a reason they call us Massholes in other parts of New England. If someone asks how are you here it is done with about as much care and sincerity as a lion asks a gazelle 'am I hurting you'. I just say hello and leave it at that and hope the other person does the same.

Interestingly enough if you venture over the border into say New Hampshire you'll meet people who honestly are asking about your current state of being. I was floored the first time it happened. I like New Hampshire.

Really? I grew up in Massachusetts and lived there through part of grad school, and never had that impression. If anything, I found the folks in NH (where many of my cousins live) less interested in how others are doing than those in MA. If anything, the MA people could be a bit on the nosy side, especially if they knew you at all.

 

[Population: 1]

Really? I grew up in Massachusetts and lived there through part of grad school, and never had that impression. If anything, I found the folks in NH (where many of my cousins live) less interested in how others are doing than those in MA. If anything, the MA people could be a bit on the nosy side, especially if they knew you at all.

Small world. Smaller state. I suppose it could depend on what part of Mass you lived in. I'm 20 minutes or so outside Boston by automobile in a fairly affluent area. Maybe it's the snobs I live around. A lot of people around here have God complexes. You know because money makes you a superior human being.