[INTP] Handling breakup from INTP

[gpj411]

I was in a relationship with an INTP for 2 and a half years. We have had a wonderful and extremely loving relationship. He was always extremely thoughtful, kind, affectionate, and always there for me. It's been a rough year for me. A year ago my father passed. He was incredibly helpful and loving while I was going through this. I learned to live and grow from this but for the past few months I have been rather depressed and anxious, having panic attacks and being somewhat distant. While our relationship has still been really great (or seemed so) I haven't been as interested in affection, though still showed it as often as I could. I also liked to talk about my thoughts and feelings to sort them out and he would willfully listen and always told me "it's what I'm here for".

He has always seemed so undoubtedly in love with me. Out of the blue last week he sent me a text saying that things didn't feel the same anymore and that he wanted to be blunt and say he doesn't think we should go on seeing each other. He said he doesn't see a future for us together and wished me well. Then he turned off his phone and hasn't spoken to me since despite me trying to reach out.

Does anyone have advice for how to handle this situation? At first I was bargaining with myself thinking he would come back and we would work it out. Now I see he was likely very serious. At this point I just want to talk to him to gain some clarity and peace of mind, since he didn't allow for that. It just seems like such a cruel way to end such a long loving relationship. Do you think he will talk to me again?

 

[IndigoViolet11]

INTP is a personality type thay welcomes conversation. However there is a catch, that they can, depending on the person, humorous yet serious at intellectual conversations, instead of talking about how they feel. In fact, from what I knew, they eventually het very fed up with "feeler" type arguements and will prefer reasoning, though their theories are very abstract.

If the intellectual exchange fails, they will automatically find someone or something else to do without showing (or even have) much remorse nor showing any emotion. Like INTJ, they portray a rather cold type of emotion, but does not mean they don't have any, but might be rather slow to recognize them until they get fed up.

For the time being giving him some time to rest will be a better option, and see whether he would like to have a meal with you in the future, or just wanted to talk.

 

[INTJMom]

I was in a relationship with an INTP for 2 and a half years. We have had a wonderful and extremely loving relationship. He was always extremely thoughtful, kind, affectionate, and always there for me. It's been a rough year for me. A year ago my father passed. He was incredibly helpful and loving while I was going through this. I learned to live and grow from this but for the past few months I have been rather depressed and anxious, having panic attacks and being somewhat distant. While our relationship has still been really great (or seemed so) I haven't been as interested in affection, though still showed it as often as I could. I also liked to talk about my thoughts and feelings to sort them out and he would willfully listen and always told me "it's what I'm here for".

He has always seemed so undoubtedly in love with me. Out of the blue last week he sent me a text saying that things didn't feel the same anymore and that he wanted to be blunt and say he doesn't think we should go on seeing each other. He said he doesn't see a future for us together and wished me well. Then he turned off his phone and hasn't spoken to me since despite me trying to reach out.

Does anyone have advice for how to handle this situation? At first I was bargaining with myself thinking he would come back and we would work it out. Now I see he was likely very serious. At this point I just want to talk to him to gain some clarity and peace of mind, since he didn't allow for that. It just seems like such a cruel way to end such a long loving relationship. Do you think he will talk to me again?

I am very sorry he left you like that.
I'm very sorry for the difficult time you have been having since your father died.
I think he thought that the information in the text was all that you would need for closure.
I don't know how INTPs think, but they can be very secretive.
If you give him the benefit of the doubt that he was being as nice as he could be breaking up with you the way he did, I'm not sure what good would come out of any further conversation.
You're not in a good place right now, emotionally.
If you get him to talk to you, you might be sorry you asked.
I'm very sorry. Life is hard sometimes.

 

[chubber]

INTP's shy away from emotions and feelings. It's just not for them.

Here is someone who I think is IxTP and is a good example of how they deal with feeler people. She talks fast so perhaps that makes her Ne user, so maybe INTP.

You'll see how she shy away from people and attachment/feelings.

How do you resolve the issue? Stop being yourself? I don't think that works long term. Perhaps accept that he just doesn't want what you can give? Perhaps it is better with someone else that dabbles with Fe in their spare time, e.g. the ExTP. Unlike the INTP that will do Si related tasks, I would guess book reading.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

[MENTION=32880]gpj411[/MENTION] I am so sorry to hear you are going through this right now. It's the contrast between the history you describe of his being loving and attentive and then breaking up with a stark text. I've divorced two INTPs, and when it was over in their mind, they never reached out or tried to fix the relationship. They were always rather distant and emotionally shut-off, so I'm not sure if I can be helpful here, because it is the contrast of behavior that is confusing in your case. My experience really wasn't confusing, but just the continuation of a process, so I had no surprises except that they were even more detached than I thought.

You are left in a position where there isn't much you can do. What I did during painful breakups was to work on establishing some new friendships to focus my attention and to go on a lot of walks. I'm so sorry you are going through this, and whatever happens, it will get better.