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  1. #1
    Senior Member Litsnob's Avatar
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    Default INTJ Females and Stereotypes

    I thought I was INFJ but turned out to be INTJ. I thought my partner was INTJ but he turned out to be INTP. I wanted to understand INTJ better so I went to INTJ forums and tried to irritate the INTJs there to see how they would react. Disappointing results. I encounter plenty of idiots online and sometimes the idiots are even INTJ but often if the person online is an asshole (or pretending to be one) they are INTJ. Usually male.

    INTJ females or people who know an INTJ female, how are you like and how are you not like the INTJ stereotypes.
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  2. #2
    Liberator Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Litsnob View Post
    I thought I was INFJ but turned out to be INTJ. I thought my partner was INTJ but he turned out to be INTP. I wanted to understand INTJ better so I went to INTJ forums and tried to irritate the INTJs there to see how they would react. Disappointing results. I encounter plenty of idiots online and sometimes the idiots are even INTJ but often if the person online is an asshole (or pretending to be one) they are INTJ. Usually male.

    INTJ females or people who know an INTJ female, how are you like and how are you not like the INTJ stereotypes.
    1. Are you sure of these new typings for yourself and your partner?

    2. Which stereotypes do you mean?

    3. I have always found myself much more similar to men of my type than to women of much different types, but then the INTJ men I know are not idiots, and rarely act like assholes. (Of course, this is IRL, not online.)
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...
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  3. #3
    Senior Member great_bay's Avatar
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    INTJ females are tomboyish and masculine?
    5w4,4w5,1

    The Researcher
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  4. #4
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by great_bay View Post
    INTJ females are tomboyish and masculine?
    Yes totally, every, single one of them.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
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  5. #5
    Senior Member Litsnob's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    1. Are you sure of these new typings for yourself and your partner?

    2. Which stereotypes do you mean?

    3. I have always found myself much more similar to men of my type than to women of much different types, but then the INTJ men I know are not idiots, and rarely act like assholes. (Of course, this is IRL, not online.)
    I am as sure as I will ever be and I wasn't really intending to get into much detail about that. I'm really having troubles articulating what I am trying to find out because it seems feelings-based and I can't get my head around it. In my offline world I am surrounded by sensors and feelers and have been frequently told that I am not acceptable as I am-think too much, too opinionated, too blunt, too intense, too serious, pedantic, etc. Rarely do I meet other women I can relate to though I do have a few good friends. I suppose I am just trying to find out if there are any women out there who are more like me. It feels a bit pathetic, frankly.

    I think the INTJ female stereotypes are silly and not accurate but they persist. I saw someone telling a woman she couldn't possible be an INTJ because she loves to dance. Stereotypes: tomboyish, cold, masculine, robotic-similar to the male stereotypes except with more restrictions on how they are supposed to dress.

  6. #6
    / nonsequitur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Litsnob View Post
    I saw someone telling a woman she couldn't possible be an INTJ because she loves to dance.
    Paging @uumlau.
    "How badly did you have to break it to make it care about people so much?"
    "That didn't break it. It's what made it work."

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  7. #7
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Litsnob View Post
    I am as sure as I will ever be and I wasn't really intending to get into much detail about that. I'm really having troubles articulating what I am trying to find out because it seems feelings-based and I can't get my head around it. In my offline world I am surrounded by sensors and feelers and have been frequently told that I am not acceptable as I am-think too much, too opinionated, too blunt, too intense, too serious, pedantic, etc. Rarely do I meet other women I can relate to though I do have a few good friends. I suppose I am just trying to find out if there are any women out there who are more like me. It feels a bit pathetic, frankly.

    I think the INTJ female stereotypes are silly and not accurate but they persist. I saw someone telling a woman she couldn't possible be an INTJ because she loves to dance. Stereotypes: tomboyish, cold, masculine, robotic-similar to the male stereotypes except with more restrictions on how they are supposed to dress.
    Tomboyish? Maybe. Just as likely to be ultra-feminine.
    Cold? No. Distant, yes.
    Masculine? No. Strong-willed? Yes.

    "think too much, too opinionated, too blunt, too intense, too serious, pedantic, etc." - yes and yes and yes and yes and yes and yes.

    Why ultra-feminine? My speculation is to fit in, to compensate for thinking too much, etc. If you ever encounter a woman who is very quiet, whose bearing and manners are very feminine, but underneath she is very blunt and intense and opinionated, she's probably an INTJ. Other telltale signs are a great sense of humor (cracking jokes about things in society that just don't make sense, for example), and everyone in her life (especially her family) is kind of intimidated by her, because all the usual things that people do to make other people happy don't really work on her.

    I'm describing my INTJ grandmother, btw.
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.
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  8. #8
    Senior Member Litsnob's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uumlau View Post
    Tomboyish? Maybe. Just as likely to be ultra-feminine.
    Cold? No. Distant, yes.
    Masculine? No. Strong-willed? Yes.

    "think too much, too opinionated, too blunt, too intense, too serious, pedantic, etc." - yes and yes and yes and yes and yes and yes.

    Why ultra-feminine? My speculation is to fit in, to compensate for thinking too much, etc. If you ever encounter a woman who is very quiet, whose bearing and manners are very feminine, but underneath she is very blunt and intense and opinionated, she's probably an INTJ. Other telltale signs are a great sense of humor (cracking jokes about things in society that just don't make sense, for example), and everyone in her life (especially her family) is kind of intimidated by her, because all the usual things that people do to make other people happy don't really work on her.

    I'm describing my INTJ grandmother, btw.
    Thanks for your response, uumlau. I'd love to have met your grandmother!

  9. #9
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Litsnob View Post
    Thanks for your response, uumlau. I'd love to have met your grandmother!
    I'll tell you a story.

    It was the day before I was getting married, and my brother (who was my best man) was nowhere to be found. He hadn't called. He hadn't picked up his tuxedo. And well, I'm about to get married so I'm extremely agitated.

    I was staying with my grandmother at the time, as she lived only a few blocks from the church my fiancee and I were to be married the next day. As usual, about this time, she was in the den, watching her favorite soaps while knitting something or another. I walk in and vent all this anguish at her, all my frustration, all my worry.

    She calmly listened the whole time.

    When I was done, she said, "Your brother can take care of himself. It isn't your job to worry about him. You're going to get married tomorrow. That's your job."

    In print, this sounds so abrupt and terse and maybe even mean. (Also, I'm paraphrasing a bit, since this was years ago, and I remember her message and demeanor if not her words.) But right there, right then, she said it so very calmly. It wasn't just her words. It was clear that SHE wasn't worried about my brother. Moreover, she put pretty much all of the Stoic philosophy into so very few words. Don't worry about the things you can't control, focus on that which you can control.

    When she said those words, I calmed down completely. Everything was all right. The wedding went very smoothly.



    ...

    Now you've met my grandmother. So yeah, if you need an INTJ female to emulate, feel free to emulate her.
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Litsnob's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uumlau View Post
    I'll tell you a story.

    It was the day before I was getting married, and my brother (who was my best man) was nowhere to be found. He hadn't called. He hadn't picked up his tuxedo. And well, I'm about to get married so I'm extremely agitated.

    I was staying with my grandmother at the time, as she lived only a few blocks from the church my fiancee and I were to be married the next day. As usual, about this time, she was in the den, watching her favorite soaps while knitting something or another. I walk in and vent all this anguish at her, all my frustration, all my worry.

    She calmly listened the whole time.

    When I was done, she said, "Your brother can take care of himself. It isn't your job to worry about him. You're going to get married tomorrow. That's your job."

    In print, this sounds so abrupt and terse and maybe even mean. (Also, I'm paraphrasing a bit, since this was years ago, and I remember her message and demeanor if not her words.) But right there, right then, she said it so very calmly. It wasn't just her words. It was clear that SHE wasn't worried about my brother. Moreover, she put pretty much all of the Stoic philosophy into so very few words. Don't worry about the things you can't control, focus on that which you can control.

    When she said those words, I calmed down completely. Everything was all right. The wedding went very smoothly.



    ...

    Now you've met my grandmother. So yeah, if you need an INTJ female to emulate, feel free to emulate her.
    Oh that's a great story! I must quibble over the idea that I need an INTJ female to emulate but still, appreciate the story very much. It actually reminds me of how I really irritated my ex-husband because my response to all his mini-crises was to say "Well, the world will not end so it's going to be okay." He did not appreciate this much. I censor myself constantly but not when I think I am actually giving good advice. LOL

    I'm too old to emulate anyone. I am who I am and who I have always been, but I have been told all my life that I am wrong and need fixing so I am, without a doubt, a little bit wounded by that and seeking to heal my own wounds by proof that I am not defective, though possible alien. ;-)

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