I spent forever typing you a great reply and the system timed out on me and I lost it. Oh, crap.
I originally said that I wanted to have a life-long friendship and asked what were some things ENTPs valued in friends.
Let me explain a little. See, Mr. ENTP and I are both a part of a group of martial artists and the very nature of our group is that we are "spiritual" brothers [except I'm the only female] and the connections are supposed to be for life. I take that seriously and I take my commitment to friendships very seriously. In my world, this is far more important than romantic partners. I don't know how to describe our relationship...League of a Assassins?...just kidding, but you get the idea. I do "love" this guy, but not in the way that I want to sleep with him. It's deeper than that, if that even makes sense. Anyhow, some people within our circle were supposed to be his "brothers," comrades, etc. and they managed to hurt him. It came out in anger, but it was hurt. And that is why I ask what ENTPs value in friends. I genuinely want to know what it is that he values and I don't want to do something to mess with those values because I respect him and he's important to me.
So, that is at the root of this thread. I have an ENTP friend that I care for very much and I want to be able to convey to him that I respect him and value him and I don't want it to sound insincere or patronizing. I want to be that person he calls when he's sixty-five to tell me that he lost his dentures or whatever. Nah....he's kind of kinky. He'd probably call to tell me that he was selling Viagra on the black-market or something like that.
I can't say that I relate to the specifics of your league dynamics, but I understand your given con-text reasoning. Thoughts, first with a qualifier, for better delivery: I think it's fine and nice and everything spice re your concerns about your friend, they indicate empathy and nice personthy and all that about you.
Now, with that out of the way and without bruising ur ego too much...don't ask us, ask him. Be there. Not in a [typology] enneagram 8 control freak police interrogation way[/typology] but as a person, as that friend, that is, the embodiment of all these nice attitudes and values that you shared to have towards friends and such.
The biggest trigger for me, in all of this, is that of a duality I see in the difference between:
a) the idea behind the story - which you shared with us, but also before that, with yourself - about who and how you are, and, how you want to be, towards this person-friend, in order for how you want him to be towards you, up until when he's 65 and beyond, comes to be.
b) the being that way which will result in the same thing.
To me the trigger part lies with the control aspect of it. This might not be very evident to you at all, because of your belief in your own story. Not that having a belief means it's a bad story, but, it's a story we all have. And we believe in our story and then play our role in it, IRL. And that's the problem that can/will lead to inadvertently causing hurt, to others and ultimately ourselves.
So how do you do that thing you describe wanting to do that will give you those results you want to have? No idea. That is, of specific steps. But as per the above, it strikes me your biggest challenge will be to divorce yourself from expectation, which might be the hardest part, right AFTER being able to see it in the first place, and find the answers that you seek here, by BEING, as in show up, and in the moment, with your friend, to get to know what his story is, why it is, why it hurts, how, and how not to hurt, and achieve your results through this exercise with and towards him, and not asking the internet. I know the latter might be additionally challenging, specially in the context of this forum, and all the implications that has, towards the stock put on the yet another belief system of typology.
I wadge that 98% of the above isn't what you sought out for by starting this thread, but I hope my effort isn't entirely wasted, and that after stripping it off of my own story, the remnants can still be of positive use to you.
