Imagine you're in a sort of 'friends (or more) with benefits' relationship with an INTP. Neither of you wants to be in a relationship in that stage of your lives. It is really cool, you understand each other so well you get feelings for each other. Surprisingly, the INTP even tells you he has feelings but in a 'stop making me feel feelings!' manner. He's happy with what you have now and needs no more. You even give each other pet names.
Something shitty (life, job, family) happens to you and you tell him you can no longer continue with the 'benefits' part (lack of time, etc). You assume he will no longer be interested in talking to you as mere 'friends' because till the moment you never called each other friend, just 'being together'. He reacts a bit hurt but understanding. He still talks to you about creative/ common interests and behaves as a good friend. Still, both of you perceive something is missing. You feel guilty because he has expressed how he really enjoyed being with you before.
You still feel very attracted to each other, tease one another, but 'can't happen'. Pet names are gone by this point, seems like all the 'relationship-like' stuff will not work anymore. You eventually agree you missed how it was before and will try to get back to how it was before if possible (when life, family, work not getting in the middle). However, it can take moth, years.
He acts sort of annoyed sometimes and avoids any kind of affection. You understand, of course, he's in his right to be pissed. He assures you he doesn't feel used, but still you can see there is a doubt, you don't know what that doubt is. As an analyst, you think he just wants to know straight what you want from him. So you tell him (only friends with benefits, sharing ideas, if he lets you have his heart you'll probably hurt him and you don't want that). He does not give you a reply to that, just kindly acknowledges it and jumps to another topic. No apparent reaction
Was it a good idea to just tell him what you want from him? Which doubts or negative feelings could he be experiencing?
Something shitty (life, job, family) happens to you and you tell him you can no longer continue with the 'benefits' part (lack of time, etc). You assume he will no longer be interested in talking to you as mere 'friends' because till the moment you never called each other friend, just 'being together'. He reacts a bit hurt but understanding. He still talks to you about creative/ common interests and behaves as a good friend. Still, both of you perceive something is missing. You feel guilty because he has expressed how he really enjoyed being with you before.
You still feel very attracted to each other, tease one another, but 'can't happen'. Pet names are gone by this point, seems like all the 'relationship-like' stuff will not work anymore. You eventually agree you missed how it was before and will try to get back to how it was before if possible (when life, family, work not getting in the middle). However, it can take moth, years.
He acts sort of annoyed sometimes and avoids any kind of affection. You understand, of course, he's in his right to be pissed. He assures you he doesn't feel used, but still you can see there is a doubt, you don't know what that doubt is. As an analyst, you think he just wants to know straight what you want from him. So you tell him (only friends with benefits, sharing ideas, if he lets you have his heart you'll probably hurt him and you don't want that). He does not give you a reply to that, just kindly acknowledges it and jumps to another topic. No apparent reaction
Was it a good idea to just tell him what you want from him? Which doubts or negative feelings could he be experiencing?
