[NT] Compliments

[messijo]

It's a social interaction you have to go along with (and partake in yourself!) for the sake of harmony! (Fe.....) So something like "oh hey, thanks for that, I just got them last week" or whatever and on a later occasion, "Like your top!!!" or such like. I've found these things are the glue of society...

Edited to add: It isn't talking down to you (unless you have a specific reason to think so). The Ns of the world have a tendency to take things as being "the tip of the iceberg" rather than the whole iceberg.

 

[Litsnob]

Well, I'm an NF not NT but I always had trouble with compliments and would usually respond by telling the person why they are wrong. I had to be taught that this is actually rude or could be perceived as fishing for more. I was all wrapped up in thinking that it would be conceited to accept the compliment because to me that meant agreeing with it. I don't think I was able to really just say 'thank you' and leave it at that until I was in my forties.

 

[CitizenErased]

Well, I'm an NF not NT but I always had trouble with compliments and would usually respond by telling the person why they are wrong. I had to be taught that this is actually rude or could be perceived as fishing for more. I was all wrapped up in thinking that it would be conceited to accept the compliment because to me that meant agreeing with it. I don't think I was able to really just say 'thank you' and leave it at that until I was in my forties.

Same here! Telling people they're wrong may be seen as rude or even false modesty, but it's so difficult (at least for me) to accept something I don't think it's perfect (as it should according to my impossible standards). My "thanks" or smiles are just something I had to learn. Not so much as a genuine response but like an instinct, something I just do while "in autopilot".

 

[RobinSkye]

I've learned just to leave it at thank you to avoid any sort of blunder. People say that meaningless shit all the time, and sure it makes me feel good for a moment, but I'm not going to try to dwell in it.

 

[S16M4]

I learned that a simple Thanks would suffice.

 

[Forever_Jung]

I have been very close friends with an ENFP for the past 15 years or so, and my inability to take a compliment maddened her. I see my difficulties as twofold:

1.) My natural instinct is to evaluate the truth/insight of the compliment, and so I sometimes reflexively challenge them on their compliment if I think it's inaccurate.

2.) And even when the compliment passes the first test, my idea of thanking them used to be exclaiming: "Yes, that's very true!" or "well said", which sounded VERY arrogant. But really, I was just trying to compliment their perceptiveness and ease of expression. As someone who works very hard to hit all the Fe marks, I admire someone who is a natural at it. I have actually used this forum in the past as a compliment giving training ground, and it eventually translated very well into real life.

Over time the feelers on my staff have helped me to see the compliment as a two-way transaction. It takes just as much social skill to be a gracious receiver as it does to be the compliment giver. And so sometimes, if I am unsure what to say, I at least try to muster a sincere-sounding "thank you". I'm getting a little better each day.

 

[Frosty]

I love getting compliments I have to say.

I dont always know how to react to them, and I can look a bit...squirrely about recieving them... But its just because... Its still sinking in. And, up until recently... I didnt really react well to them at all- had trouble believing there wasnt some sort of agenda/sarcasm/whatever behind it.

But yeah. No. Now I like them. Especially when they arent handed out by that person like halloween candy. I mean, even generic compliments will get me a little pink in the face because... Aw, you didnt HAVE TO, thank you- but yeah, the more specific and personalized a compliment the more its going to mean to me.

 

[narcissistic]

I usually respond with:
"That's nice to know."
"Ok..."
"Why so?"
"I'd rather you criticize me."
"Cool."

I find people who are worse than me at something and compliment me as irritating. I'd rather someone better than me compliment me, but not being too sentimental.
Generally I prefer people criticize me and point out my flaws than to praise me since that can blind perfection, as in:
If everyone thinks I did a good job then there's no reason to improve on such since everyone already claims it as perfect, yet I know it isn't. Yet if no one else can see the flaws then why bother being even better if no one can see the different between the already perfect to your better perfect if they're both perfect.