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[INTP] INTJ Woman

Sefenvold

New member
Joined
Jun 10, 2016
Messages
3
MBTI Type
INTP
Hello guys,

This is my first post. I am an INTP Male who is close to a INTJ female right now. We actually just begin talking about a week ago, and i didn't know that she was an INTJ until a couple days ago. I actually went out with her twice during this time. The first time, I arranged a fake dinner with a group of friends (who I know couldn't come), at the end I ask her if she want to do a dinner just with me and she said ok. The second time, I drove her to Ikea (I live in other part of the city, but I just told her that I was around her area) to buy something she needs for her school assignment (She doesn't like to drive, so I took this opportunity to get to be around her).

I actually said to her that I enjoy being around her and she said she is happy to know me more. I feel that things are progress very quick and positive and maybe I can start showing my romantic intent to her. But seeing a lot of opinion about INTJ woman who requires a lot of time to know someone first before progressing to a more intimate relationship, I don't know if this the right thing to do. I don't want to ruin this moment if I become more frontal/aggressive towards her. I also don't know if she views me as a potential romantic partner or just a friend with similar intellectual, I certainly don't want to be friendzoned.

What do you guys think? Is she showing interest to me? or she is it just a friend thing? And whats advice for me to get her in a more romantic relationship?

Thank you in advance!
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,230
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Hello guys,

This is my first post. I am an INTP Male who is close to a INTJ female right now. We actually just begin talking about a week ago, and i didn't know that she was an INTJ until a couple days ago. I actually went out with her twice during this time. The first time, I arranged a fake dinner with a group of friends (who I know couldn't come), at the end I ask her if she want to do a dinner just with me and she said ok. The second time, I drove her to Ikea (I live in other part of the city, but I just told her that I was around her area) to buy something she needs for her school assignment (She doesn't like to drive, so I took this opportunity to get to be around her).

I actually said to her that I enjoy being around her and she said she is happy to know me more. I feel that things are progress very quick and positive and maybe I can start showing my romantic intent to her. But seeing a lot of opinion about INTJ woman who requires a lot of time to know someone first before progressing to a more intimate relationship, I don't know if this the right thing to do. I don't want to ruin this moment if I become more frontal/aggressive towards her. I also don't know if she views me as a potential romantic partner or just a friend with similar intellectual, I certainly don't want to be friendzoned.

What do you guys think? Is she showing interest to me? or she is it just a friend thing? And whats advice for me to get her in a more romantic relationship?

Thank you in advance!
I will give you my perspective as an INTJ woman who has been with an INTP man for > 15 years now. Your tactics sound familiar, but don't push it. I don't think you can force a romantic relationship if you are destined to be "just" friends, but you can ruin the chances of one by being pushy, hasty, or presumptuous. If you have real interest in her you need to be patient . . . very patient. Focus on being friends first, and developing the intimacy that close friendship entails. Share raw thoughts, past experiences. Tell her what is important to you, share what you enjoy, and encourage her to do the same. Show her that she can rely on you, that you are as good as your word and genuine. Let her return the "favor". She will be able to gauge your interest by the way you make time for her and give her your undivided attention. For me at least, mental intimacy has to come first, then emotional, and physical/sexual only last, once the other levels have made a firm foundation for it. It will be a long process, but worthwhile in the end - unless you aren't compatible romantically and do end up as friends - which isn't a bad deal either.
 

Rrukel

New member
Joined
May 3, 2016
Messages
10
MBTI Type
INTJ
Nothing wrong with taking it slow unless there's something that happens that would need you to step up a gear(Another guy, she's moving 400 miles away etc.?).
I'd avoid lying/trickery in the future - it might come off as dishonesty and bit creepy if she catches on. As for the friend zone, that's seams to be the trickiest thing in this kinda of interaction, the only advice I could give would be conflicting, once in the friend zone it's hard to get out of, but as said above it's viable and works maybe the best thing to do in this situation.

I'd be tempted to state my intentions at some point say a month in or when feels right, not expecting reciprocation but just to make things clear BUT I think that could backfire very very easily, so maybe don't do that lol.

When comes down to it, your in the situations and only you can gauge how it's going - playing it safe would be waiting for her to show interest in 'that way' which might not happen for long time or never, but could be tomorrow :)

From someone who's INTJ and tried court a INTP and failed most spectacularly recently, I know the pain of not wanting to mess it up. On that note make sure she's is actually single (I got played).

Best of luck.
 

Sefenvold

New member
Joined
Jun 10, 2016
Messages
3
MBTI Type
INTP
I will give you my perspective as an INTJ woman who has been with an INTP man for > 15 years now. Your tactics sound familiar, but don't push it. I don't think you can force a romantic relationship if you are destined to be "just" friends, but you can ruin the chances of one by being pushy, hasty, or presumptuous. If you have real interest in her you need to be patient . . . very patient. Focus on being friends first, and developing the intimacy that close friendship entails. Share raw thoughts, past experiences. Tell her what is important to you, share what you enjoy, and encourage her to do the same. Show her that she can rely on you, that you are as good as your word and genuine. Let her return the "favor". She will be able to gauge your interest by the way you make time for her and give her your undivided attention. For me at least, mental intimacy has to come first, then emotional, and physical/sexual only last, once the other levels have made a firm foundation for it. It will be a long process, but worthwhile in the end - unless you aren't compatible romantically and do end up as friends - which isn't a bad deal either.

Thanks for your reply :)

I was a little bit surprised that I can talk to her like I talk to my other close friend when we did our first dinner. I can see that our minds can connect together. Actually when the first time I met her in a social gathering I wasn't aware of her until she talk to me first, that she have a really great personality and I was hooked ever since. Recently (before the first dinner), a mutual friend of her and mine told her that I might be interested in her. She definitely know that I am interested in her and she is fine going out with me. I wonder if INTJ woman comfortable spending time with a guy who clearly interested in her but not progressing romantically? I thought woman hate this passiveness from a guy.. And also, patient...yes, not my biggest strength...
 

Sefenvold

New member
Joined
Jun 10, 2016
Messages
3
MBTI Type
INTP
Nothing wrong with taking it slow unless there's something that happens that would need you to step up a gear(Another guy, she's moving 400 miles away etc.?).
I'd avoid lying/trickery in the future - it might come off as dishonesty and bit creepy if she catches on. As for the friend zone, that's seams to be the trickiest thing in this kinda of interaction, the only advice I could give would be conflicting, once in the friend zone it's hard to get out of, but as said above it's viable and works maybe the best thing to do in this situation.

I'd be tempted to state my intentions at some point say a month in or when feels right, not expecting reciprocation but just to make things clear BUT I think that could backfire very very easily, so maybe don't do that lol.

When comes down to it, your in the situations and only you can gauge how it's going - playing it safe would be waiting for her to show interest in 'that way' which might not happen for long time or never, but could be tomorrow :)

From someone who's INTJ and tried court a INTP and failed most spectacularly recently, I know the pain of not wanting to mess it up. On that note make sure she's is actually single (I got played).

Best of luck.

Thank you for your reply :)

What a timing on the "400 miles away" comment..:laugh:. Yes, she just told me this morning that in 2 months time she is going to Japan for 14 weeks as a part of study exchange program. I would like to express my intention at least before she left or I will left in an unending limbo :( . She is actually single, and as far as I know there are no other guys that pursuing her right now.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,230
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I was a little bit surprised that I can talk to her like I talk to my other close friend when we did our first dinner. I can see that our minds can connect together. Actually when the first time I met her in a social gathering I wasn't aware of her until she talk to me first, that she have a really great personality and I was hooked ever since. Recently (before the first dinner), a mutual friend of her and mine told her that I might be interested in her. She definitely know that I am interested in her and she is fine going out with me. I wonder if INTJ woman comfortable spending time with a guy who clearly interested in her but not progressing romantically? I thought woman hate this passiveness from a guy.. And also, patient...yes, not my biggest strength...
Insightful, intelligent conversation is an aphrodisiac for INTJs IME. If your minds could not connect in this way, it would bode ill for the future of the relationship, either as friends or romantic partners. What is your idea of "progressing romantically"? From what I have seen/read, most INTJs prefer to take things slowly, especially if they did not initiate the relationship. As I tried to suggest in my previous message, don't push the romantic part of the relationship, though you can certainly reciprocate if she does. Focus instead on the intimacy aspect - the sharing, honest disclosure, showing her she has an important place in your day, and your life and that you would like it to be more. This is where "chemistry" should pick up and fill in the spaces as you go along.

Oh, and don't be surprised by tests. You won't be told they are happening and may not even notice, but it is not uncommon for INTJs to put especially prospective romantic partners through some very specific and significant tests. Heck, I think sometimes even WE don't realize we are doing that, but we are. (My INTP passed with flying colors, obviously.)

What a timing on the "400 miles away" comment..:laugh:. Yes, she just told me this morning that in 2 months time she is going to Japan for 14 weeks as a part of study exchange program. I would like to express my intention at least before she left or I will left in an unending limbo :( . She is actually single, and as far as I know there are no other guys that pursuing her right now.
This is a good idea, and I expect she will give you a straightforward response, provided you give her sufficient time. So, don't bring it up now, but don't wait for the evening before she leaves. A week or two would be good. Even better is if she brings it up herself. There are plenty of ways to stay in touch for 14 weeks, and if you still feel the same way about each other when she returns, it is a good sign for the relationship.

Any chance of going there to visit while she is there? Before my INTP, I was in a long-distance relationship with someone for a little over a year. We spent our first 2 months in the same town (how we met), then he went home, 1000 miles from me. We would then get together every couple months, often in some third location where we could sightsee. Didn't last, but not because of the distance.
 
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