This is totally just my perspective as a very strong INTJ woman of nearly 50.
There may or may not be past hurts or a significant wall because of such. INTJs have a natural wall anyway - of sorts. We are guarded in our relationships until we are very sure of our footing. Two significant factors of analysis and emotional drain may be at work here which mean you need to give her two significant things of time to sort it out and distance to focus.
First, analysis - which she is most likely doing on a subconscious and intuitive level without any doubt, but if she is really into you, she is also doing on a very conscious level. A lot of re-playing of conversations, body-language, etc. is going on while she tries to make all the logic fit the feelings because we INTJs have to do that. As women, we have this paradox of high-level analysis and logic that has to find a balance with our hearts. Our heads and emotions have to come to agreement, and this takes time because it often is not a conscious effort as much as an internal struggle. We cannot make a decision based on emotion no matter how strong the emotion happens to be. The emotion has to fit the logic. So... give her time to sort it out. Once she has worked through it, if she's good on all levels about having a further relationship with you, she will probably respond or even initiate it.
Second, emotional drain - if she has a lot of things going on in her life, especially if it is "drama" of any type, she does not have the mental or emotional energy to spend on a budding relationship. If problems have arisen in her life, that is mind-consuming. As an INTJ, if a BIG, emotional thing is in my life, that is ALL that is in my brain. The emotional drain is an even bigger deal if there is "drama" in her life. So... give her distance (space), but keep the lines of communication open to let her know you are still interested. Once the drama has passed, she may have time to bring you into focus and spend her mental and emotional energy on building a relationship.
Be a bit OBVIOUS about your interest, but do not push. She needs to feel secure in knowing that if she puts herself out there you won't reject her. INTJs seem really confident because we rehearse everything a million times in our brains, but we do not always act those things out if we are unsure they will not work out like we rehearsed them. We can't stand to look stupid, especially when relationships are involved. Being embarrassed in some way will kill it, so look out for that. If you want to give her something to show you care, make it practical, something you know she likes, but not silly/sweet. My husband (of 29 years) is super romantic, but I'm not. He loves to give me flowers, but he alternates those with house or garden plants because I think flowers are impractical and a waste of money. (I'm a gardener.) See where I'm going with that?
Well... best of luck. I hope that helps you out. -CLEO
