[NT] Wah wah

[SlytherinD]

Am I a dick because I never feel sorry for people? People die, get cheated on, get diseases, loose loved ones, struggle for money, ect. Even if its not their own fault its as if it is based on my emotional reaction. I hate when people expect me to feel bad for them cause their grandma died or some shit I'm like "she was an old fart it was gonna happen " anybody relate??

 

[á´…eparted]

What makes a person a dick is what they do with their feelings, not what they are outright.

 

[Forever]

Asking others to relate to you when you don't care to relate to others? Don't bother. That's an oxymoron.

 

[á´…eparted]

Asking others to relate to you when you don't care to relate to others? Don't bother. That's an oxymoron.

Unless someone relates to no one, it is unfair to make this statement. Even then, it is still fair to ask others to see if and where others relate.

As for the OP, I do relate, so I get where he/she is coming from.

 

[ceecee]

Am I a dick because I never feel sorry for people? People die, get cheated on, get diseases, loose loved ones, struggle for money, ect. Even if its not their own fault its as if it is based on my emotional reaction. I hate when people expect me to feel bad for them cause their grandma died or some shit I'm like "she was an old fart it was gonna happen " anybody relate??

Am I a dick for wondering why you wasted so much time posting how much you don't care? Probably. But I don't care.

 

[hjgbujhghg]

It's natural that not everyone is able to express their feelings and not everyone has a mature level of empathy... If you don't feel like sympathizing with everyone, you don't have to. But if you are really incapable of any empathy at all and you never feel anything about people... well that's kind of an issue.

 

[magpie]

Why do you think others expect you to feel bad for them?

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Am I a dick because I never feel sorry for people? People die, get cheated on, get diseases, loose loved ones, struggle for money, ect. Even if its not their own fault its as if it is based on my emotional reaction. I hate when people expect me to feel bad for them cause their grandma died or some shit I'm like "she was an old fart it was gonna happen " anybody relate??

You're only a dick if you express that opinion when faced with these issues by others.

Just say, "Sorry to hear you have to deal with that" or "That sucks" and move on.

If you are okay with not being able to empathize, okay. It either means you have been blessed with a fairly great life, you are inexperienced or you have a bit of sociopathy. Either way, develop some Fe or fake it.

 

[prplchknz]

usually when someone is unable to empathize or sympathize with someone on a certain thing they've either experienced worse or have yet to experience that issue and may never. or they're a sociopath. or they're a young person trying to appear bad ass by posting on a forum how they don't care about others. any way it's not really something to brag about imo.

 

[geedoenfj]

There's an ENTP that I know who insists on staying friends with me and whenever I meet her or she approaches me on a phone call or whatsapp, all she's talking about is "me me me me my problems my issues.." she keeps comparing her life to mine as she goes on annoyingly talking and talking, and guess what, she's now left with no friends at all, she's complaining that they left her and that I'm the only one who stood up for her, and you know what? I don't reply to her messages pretending that I'm busy all the time so let's say she's left with no one at all..
Bottom line, if you only care for yourself, you'll be left with only that: yourself

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

usually when someone is unable to empathize or sympathize with someone on a certain thing they've either experienced worse or have yet to experience that issue and may never. or they're a sociopath. or they're a young person trying to appear bad ass by posting on a forum how they don't care about others. any way it's not really something to brag about imo.

The bolded is very true. They are still in shock/trauma from those experiences.

It often means they are in for a rude awakening when the impact of what was experienced seeps out in detrimental ways, (drug abuse, acting out sexually and yes, psychopathy) and by acting out in those ways, the person will naturally receive the same lack of compassion or scorn the OP is describing from others. Which will make the person feel even more victimized and continue to use the same bad coping mechanisms or direct that anger outward toward others.

It's a twisted circle.

So, you know...OP get some help for yourself. It isn't a good sign that you cannot feel sympathy for someone you care about expressing grief or sadness.

 

[Galaxy Gazer]

Am I a dick because I never feel sorry for people? People die, get cheated on, get diseases, loose loved ones, struggle for money, ect. Even if its not their own fault its as if it is based on my emotional reaction. I hate when people expect me to feel bad for them cause their grandma died or some shit I'm like "she was an old fart it was gonna happen " anybody relate??

Well, to put it simply... yes.
I'm not even going to bother explaining why; it's been done in several of the posts in this thread already. Yes, it is dickish to associate suffering and grief with childish crying, as you did in the title. It is dickish to be insensitive rather than thinking about how that person might feel.
It honestly sounds like you're proud of lacking empathy, or you think you're above the use of emotion.

 

[XV25]

Like 100 other people already said you are not a dick for never feeling sorry for people, can't really help your feelings right?

The better question is why you would intentionally be so callous to someone who you presumably like. No matter how you feel it's obviously important to them.

That being said, I can certainly relate. I would ask someone "How are you" and they would respond with "Well the cancer kind of hurts today" or something and I would have to endure a grueling conversation that I am absolutely not equipped to deal with. Or when a family member is venting about being abused or bullied. It is in those situations, where people need emotional support and all they have is me that I feel the full weight of not being very developed in that area. Having to carefully think about every. word. and still screwing it up something fierce. Thinking "Should I, like, touch her or something? Would that help?" Generally having no idea how to proceed or how to figure out how to proceed is a miserable experience. I feel like a genuine idiot in those situations and usually resent the person for the entire conversation. So I guess I can actually see why some people would turn callous now that I think about it.

I get over the resentment immediately afterwards but damn are those situations like the worst thing. I feel you right up to the "make fun of dead grandma" part.

 

[SlytherinD]

Asking others to relate to you when you don't care to relate to others? Don't bother. That's an oxymoron.

I'm not asking anybody to relate to me I'm just curious how people handle it if they experience the same things.

 

[SlytherinD]

Am I a dick for wondering why you wasted so much time posting how much you don't care? Probably. But I don't care.

Lol if its a waste of time move along then xD

 

[SlytherinD]

Like 100 other people already said you are not a dick for never feeling sorry for people, can't really help your feelings right?

The better question is why you would intentionally be so callous to someone who you presumably like. No matter how you feel it's obviously important to them.

That being said, I can certainly relate. I would ask someone "How are you" and they would respond with "Well the cancer kind of hurts today" or something and I would have to endure a grueling conversation that I am absolutely not equipped to deal with. Or when a family member is venting about being abused or bullied. It is in those situations, where people need emotional support and all they have is me that I feel the full weight of not being very developed in that area. Having to carefully think about every. word. and still screwing it up something fierce. Thinking "Should I, like, touch her or something? Would that help?" Generally having no idea how to proceed or how to figure out how to proceed is a miserable experience. I feel like a genuine idiot in those situations and usually resent the person for the entire conversation. So I guess I can actually see why some people would turn callous now that I think about it.

I get over the resentment immediately afterwards but damn are those situations like the worst thing. I feel you right up to the "make fun of dead grandma" part.

I never ever show this to anybody unless they are the same way like you said I don't know what to do at all. I'm like" awe *gives hug* then silence.. My good friends don't know I feel this way I do care about them I don't want to hurt their feelings but I just I'm confused about handling it.

 

[SlytherinD]

There's too much quoting that needs to happen so hopefully if this thread interests anybody they come back to visit. The grandma joke was probably a bit over the top but I was giving my raw mental dialogue to show how Mich of a problem it really is. I will cry if I run over a squirrel or a cat but quite a few people I grew up with have been murdered/committed suicide and I didn't cry or feel sad. Maybe because I believe we are never truly gone.

 

[Bush]

Honestly, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. People will 'know what they're getting into,' for a total lack of a better term. They'll learn who sympathizes and who doesn't.

I'm not the handiest person, and so I don't expect anyone to tap into me for nitty-gritty washer and dryer repair. I'd also not make a good spotter. But people do know that they can come to me with their problems, though, and so they do. I can also be a sounding board. (Again, no value judgment here. Just sayin', strengths and weaknesses.)

And people fake sympathy and politeness all the time, though it's usually kept at a stranger-on-stranger level. Cashiers fake their smiles at times. There's nothing really wrong with any of that. While honesty is refreshing, on that level it really doesn't matter. (And if it does to you, then you should give a sound 'hello' to human nature.)

But you shouldn't expect the same in return. If you do, then yes you are a dick. And an emotional leech. A sink. A void.

And if you're manipulative (for the bad), then yes you are a dick. I don't fake being a handyman, you know?

 

[Starry]

Am I a dick because I never feel sorry for people? People die, get cheated on, get diseases, loose loved ones, struggle for money, ect. Even if its not their own fault its as if it is based on my emotional reaction. I hate when people expect me to feel bad for them cause their grandma died or some shit I'm like "she was an old fart it was gonna happen " anybody relate??

I think most people alive today have some grasp...however slight...of the fact that "bad things" do happen. And when they do I think most people share their misfortune...not in an effort to get all the dicks to feel real bad-like for them...but rather as a way to communicate "I'm going through a difficult time right now and am not myself. If you have feelings... don't take my mood personally."

 

[prplchknz]

There's too many quoting that needs to happen so hopefully if this thread interests anybody they come back to visit. The grandma joke was probably a bit over the top but I was giving my raw mental dialogue to show how Mich of a problem it really is. I will cry if I run over a squirrel or a cat but quite a few people I grew up with have been murdered/committed suicide and I didn't cry or feel sad. Maybe because I believe we are never truly gone.

ah so you're the opposite in what you feel bad about compared to most of the world. That's cool I rarely feel upset about death, the first person i felt any real emotion over losing was my dad. I was thinking like you don't feel emotions at all and openly laugh at people who were going through a shitty time. Nah you're good, I can't relate to everyone's experience, and everyone can't relate to mine. Though I don't cry over dead squirrels and raccoons, they destroy duct work in houses and are just nuisances. I'm more likely to cry over someone being treated unfairly or in a lot of pain, but once they're dead i really don't. Because I don't like seeing people suffer, I just don't. But once they're dead their is no more suffering and me crying isn't going to bring them back. and it's mostly selfish for me to want someone who was in so much pain and wasn't going to get out of that pain in life to keep them alive. But nah you're not a dick. You might be, but not because of this. I don't know. I really don't.