wildwaterfallcurlsss
New member
- Joined
- Dec 25, 2015
- Messages
- 3
- MBTI Type
- INFP
Started a profile for this situation especially. I'll try to be as detailed as I can but Jesus, I don't really want to. Too many to tell.
My INTP and I have been in an exclusive fwb-type situation for the last 7 months (both our firsts). Reason I describe it that way is because there have been many (many) ups and downs with him, with lots of pushing forward and pulling back. At one point, as summer was ending, he was coming on so strong I thought he was going to ask me out. We had a misunderstanding that night after his frat threw a party and he cut contact, saying he didn't want to be anything with me, not even friends because "it would be too hard" after our past. It felt and looked like he used me. Flash forward two months later, we got back in touch and got into a very serious, life-changing situation that I am still currently physically recovering from. He didn't want to talk much after that, or so he said, and reiterated for the second time that he didn't want a relationship.
Fast forward to two weeks ago, when, after a few weeks of not talking, I initiated one vent sesh because I was so frustrated with my regular environment and knew only he out of my immediate small circle of trusted individuals would understand. (Believe me, I exhausted all my friends, even my childhood ones, and their lack of insight only made me angrier. Thinking I couldn't possibly lose much else, I texted him, not expecting a response.)
The next day, at the end of the night, he started opening up to me right as I fell asleep (which I wasn't surprised about, even though he never told me much about himself, I could see and feel the roots of why he is the way he is and understood that within two months of meeting him. I am only now finally getting confirmation for my suspicions about his actions, albeit very hesitantly). He mentions things like needing someone who can put up with him and that he's just a tough nut to crack, saying he doesn't mean to put an impenetrable wall up (alluding to the goodbye letter I left him the day we cut contact back in the summer). Of course, out of concern and the slowly growing love/care I have for him and have been trying to get rid of for the last few months, I respond as soon as I wake up, saying if he needed me, I'd continue to be there for him. No response. I text the next day, saying "Hi, I know you like your space but you seemed really down last we talked and I just wanted to check in on you."
He starts responding again, and towards the end he tells me he wants to drive up (he's on winter break, so he's about an hour or so away) to blaze with me on Wednesday (four days later). We plan for the next few days, as both our schedules are busy. Wednesday comes and he can't make it because his family decided to leave earlier than scheduled. I tell him I'm here if he needs me and to have fun. He responds with a "Be safe please," which, in my 7 months of knowing him, is a lot. Actually, all of this is a lot, especially for him. Anyway, fast forward to a few hours later in which he calls me on his own (!!!) for the third time ever (!!!!!) and essentially demands that I spend NYE with him. He uses specific words such as "date" (again since our first plan that fell through) and "lock it down" which amuse me but also make me a little wary. He was rambling about how he initially didn't want to set his sights on me, "and now we're here" and that he was "glad" I was "still here." I didn't pry and just said I wasn't sure what he meant, but that we could either spend it with my friends, or go elsewhere together. He kept saying he didn't care and he'd go anywhere and he was free and could drive back up earlier etc. Except he's an introvert so if he spent time with my friends at a party he wouldn't feel comfortable not knowing anyone but would be down to drive anywhere else with me to party. I balk because I don't know him well enough as a friend to know what to plan and feel tremendous pressure, knowing LA party scene and what little I know of him, not to mention it's NYE. I'm borderline INTP myself, my test results only show slight preference for F.
Anyhow, I text him today telling him everything is $40+, and that we could just do something low key together if it was that important to him. He takes several hours to respond; knowing him, he was deliberating. Finally, he texts back "Alrightttt let's do it then lol screw it", meaning he was willing to throw down, not what I was expecting at all. Part of me still doubts he'll make it to NYE at all (which he has been heatedly assuring me he will), but the other part recognizes how much it took for him to even bring these things up with me and of course I appreciate it. I know how exhausting that can be. He's been hinting all throughout our convos, I think, and although I am hesitant to even assert that, I just assume his statement of not wanting a relationship still stands and say things like "we'll find you someone" because that's what we initially said we'd do and he keeps saying he's not down or some other effect that I think would mean he wants ME. At one point, I teasingly said if he wanted to find someone he'd have to figure out what he wanted first, since he's so indecisive that that's the ultimate struggle for him. He responds, "we'll figure it out
"
Also, he's spent a lot of his time off drinking with his family, which is probably why he gets all the courage to say these assertive things all of a sudden. He's pretty much an old man on the inside (he just turned 22), part of the reason I have these unwanted feelings for him, so I'm 99% sure I'm the only girl on his radar. He's also brutally honest with me when it comes to those kinds of things, which I do appreciate. It's just the emotions that he's terrible about using his words with, or whatever practical decisions actually need to be made in the moment. The communication thing can be a bit draining. I always have to poke and prod him to talk to me. Not that I mind, but I mean.. I had been actively trying to get over him right before this happened. I like him so much as a person I don't mind what we are. I'm just trying to be healthy about it. Not to mention all this pressure with him wanting me to be his date on NYE but me knowing he's so picky and indecisive and all the other crap that comes with going out in a big city on the holiday of the year. Thought of power tripping security guards and drunken masses makes me want to crawl under a rock, so him wanting to brave it with me and me not knowing him well enough to know how to handle this is ultimate pressure for me. If I do brave that shit it better be with a dope ass partner/group and a VIP table because screw that.
Anyway.
His behavior doesn't seem typical for an INTP right now, but I know each person is unique and I just can't find the answers I want on any of the forums or threads online. Sorry in advance for the long convoluted ineloquent post. I'm normally very articulate, but a near-week of loop after loop is starting to catch up, even for an incessant thinker/solver like me. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated. Especially with what to do for NYE. I sent him our options but knowing him, it'd be best for me to weigh out the situation and make an executive suggestion/decision. Clearly, I feel ill-equipped to do that as of this moment. Also, how the fuck do I proceed from here????? If he does try to step it up I'd be a more than a little frightened in all honesty. I spent 7 months wanting him and now that I'm exhaustedly thisclose to possibly having him I don't know what to do to ensure this procedure (HAH! it's all over the place at this point) stays healthy. I've never had a bf that I wasn't good friends with first so I'd want to take it slow. BEING ANYONE'S DATE FOR ANY HOLIDAY IS NOT TAKING IT SLOW. But I don't want him to withdraw anymore, either. Do I step back, do I let it flow, where this goes, I don't know..
tl;dr My on- off-again roller coaster of a 7-month INTP essential fwb who twice told me he "didn't want a relationship" and "got over" liking me suddenly wants to spend time with me for the holidays. Asked me out all on his own with subtle hints at wanting me and only me and insists on locking me down for NYE. Too much pressure. I don't know what to do with myself. Halp.
***very close to rocking myself in a disintegrated ball on the floor. I am a reasonable logical person most days, I don't need any lectures about anything apart from the prompt thanks. Much fragile already, pls be gentle OTL
My INTP and I have been in an exclusive fwb-type situation for the last 7 months (both our firsts). Reason I describe it that way is because there have been many (many) ups and downs with him, with lots of pushing forward and pulling back. At one point, as summer was ending, he was coming on so strong I thought he was going to ask me out. We had a misunderstanding that night after his frat threw a party and he cut contact, saying he didn't want to be anything with me, not even friends because "it would be too hard" after our past. It felt and looked like he used me. Flash forward two months later, we got back in touch and got into a very serious, life-changing situation that I am still currently physically recovering from. He didn't want to talk much after that, or so he said, and reiterated for the second time that he didn't want a relationship.
Fast forward to two weeks ago, when, after a few weeks of not talking, I initiated one vent sesh because I was so frustrated with my regular environment and knew only he out of my immediate small circle of trusted individuals would understand. (Believe me, I exhausted all my friends, even my childhood ones, and their lack of insight only made me angrier. Thinking I couldn't possibly lose much else, I texted him, not expecting a response.)
The next day, at the end of the night, he started opening up to me right as I fell asleep (which I wasn't surprised about, even though he never told me much about himself, I could see and feel the roots of why he is the way he is and understood that within two months of meeting him. I am only now finally getting confirmation for my suspicions about his actions, albeit very hesitantly). He mentions things like needing someone who can put up with him and that he's just a tough nut to crack, saying he doesn't mean to put an impenetrable wall up (alluding to the goodbye letter I left him the day we cut contact back in the summer). Of course, out of concern and the slowly growing love/care I have for him and have been trying to get rid of for the last few months, I respond as soon as I wake up, saying if he needed me, I'd continue to be there for him. No response. I text the next day, saying "Hi, I know you like your space but you seemed really down last we talked and I just wanted to check in on you."
He starts responding again, and towards the end he tells me he wants to drive up (he's on winter break, so he's about an hour or so away) to blaze with me on Wednesday (four days later). We plan for the next few days, as both our schedules are busy. Wednesday comes and he can't make it because his family decided to leave earlier than scheduled. I tell him I'm here if he needs me and to have fun. He responds with a "Be safe please," which, in my 7 months of knowing him, is a lot. Actually, all of this is a lot, especially for him. Anyway, fast forward to a few hours later in which he calls me on his own (!!!) for the third time ever (!!!!!) and essentially demands that I spend NYE with him. He uses specific words such as "date" (again since our first plan that fell through) and "lock it down" which amuse me but also make me a little wary. He was rambling about how he initially didn't want to set his sights on me, "and now we're here" and that he was "glad" I was "still here." I didn't pry and just said I wasn't sure what he meant, but that we could either spend it with my friends, or go elsewhere together. He kept saying he didn't care and he'd go anywhere and he was free and could drive back up earlier etc. Except he's an introvert so if he spent time with my friends at a party he wouldn't feel comfortable not knowing anyone but would be down to drive anywhere else with me to party. I balk because I don't know him well enough as a friend to know what to plan and feel tremendous pressure, knowing LA party scene and what little I know of him, not to mention it's NYE. I'm borderline INTP myself, my test results only show slight preference for F.
Anyhow, I text him today telling him everything is $40+, and that we could just do something low key together if it was that important to him. He takes several hours to respond; knowing him, he was deliberating. Finally, he texts back "Alrightttt let's do it then lol screw it", meaning he was willing to throw down, not what I was expecting at all. Part of me still doubts he'll make it to NYE at all (which he has been heatedly assuring me he will), but the other part recognizes how much it took for him to even bring these things up with me and of course I appreciate it. I know how exhausting that can be. He's been hinting all throughout our convos, I think, and although I am hesitant to even assert that, I just assume his statement of not wanting a relationship still stands and say things like "we'll find you someone" because that's what we initially said we'd do and he keeps saying he's not down or some other effect that I think would mean he wants ME. At one point, I teasingly said if he wanted to find someone he'd have to figure out what he wanted first, since he's so indecisive that that's the ultimate struggle for him. He responds, "we'll figure it out
" Also, he's spent a lot of his time off drinking with his family, which is probably why he gets all the courage to say these assertive things all of a sudden. He's pretty much an old man on the inside (he just turned 22), part of the reason I have these unwanted feelings for him, so I'm 99% sure I'm the only girl on his radar. He's also brutally honest with me when it comes to those kinds of things, which I do appreciate. It's just the emotions that he's terrible about using his words with, or whatever practical decisions actually need to be made in the moment. The communication thing can be a bit draining. I always have to poke and prod him to talk to me. Not that I mind, but I mean.. I had been actively trying to get over him right before this happened. I like him so much as a person I don't mind what we are. I'm just trying to be healthy about it. Not to mention all this pressure with him wanting me to be his date on NYE but me knowing he's so picky and indecisive and all the other crap that comes with going out in a big city on the holiday of the year. Thought of power tripping security guards and drunken masses makes me want to crawl under a rock, so him wanting to brave it with me and me not knowing him well enough to know how to handle this is ultimate pressure for me. If I do brave that shit it better be with a dope ass partner/group and a VIP table because screw that.
Anyway.
His behavior doesn't seem typical for an INTP right now, but I know each person is unique and I just can't find the answers I want on any of the forums or threads online. Sorry in advance for the long convoluted ineloquent post. I'm normally very articulate, but a near-week of loop after loop is starting to catch up, even for an incessant thinker/solver like me. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated. Especially with what to do for NYE. I sent him our options but knowing him, it'd be best for me to weigh out the situation and make an executive suggestion/decision. Clearly, I feel ill-equipped to do that as of this moment. Also, how the fuck do I proceed from here????? If he does try to step it up I'd be a more than a little frightened in all honesty. I spent 7 months wanting him and now that I'm exhaustedly thisclose to possibly having him I don't know what to do to ensure this procedure (HAH! it's all over the place at this point) stays healthy. I've never had a bf that I wasn't good friends with first so I'd want to take it slow. BEING ANYONE'S DATE FOR ANY HOLIDAY IS NOT TAKING IT SLOW. But I don't want him to withdraw anymore, either. Do I step back, do I let it flow, where this goes, I don't know..
tl;dr My on- off-again roller coaster of a 7-month INTP essential fwb who twice told me he "didn't want a relationship" and "got over" liking me suddenly wants to spend time with me for the holidays. Asked me out all on his own with subtle hints at wanting me and only me and insists on locking me down for NYE. Too much pressure. I don't know what to do with myself. Halp.
***very close to rocking myself in a disintegrated ball on the floor. I am a reasonable logical person most days, I don't need any lectures about anything apart from the prompt thanks. Much fragile already, pls be gentle OTL
