[INTJ] INTJ/ENFP attraction

[Virtual ghost]

I was thinking about opening this thread.


From what I see, it can work in theory. But only if they are both balanced.

ENFP can come in many versons (strenght of the letters) and always things will be somehow solved in the end. (probably)

But in the case where INTJ is very INTJ this combination is doomed.

 

[phoenix13]

It seems to me that the ENFP embodies a similar abstract nature to the INTJ. The INTJ shoots through ideas like lightning- I could never win an argument with an INTJ because I would never be prepared enough. This probably means that I do not understand any subject that requires a lot of contemplation as well as the INTJ. This truth completely deflates me, and I am more jealous of this type than any other. I think that an INTJ may be attracted to or at least curious about the ENFP's thinking plans and order are unnecessary. INTJ's, I hope you read this and give some input.


I want to find a nice INTJ girl and help her fulfill her vision!

Booooooo! Everything about your post makes me cringe, but I admire you for posting it. It takes serious balls to be that honest, and so you rock. Nevertheless, the last thing you wrote completely goes against my definition of a healthy relationship. You guys have to mutually empower eachother. If you feel incapable of "beating" an INTJ in an argument, help her to help you beat her.

I have found that by default I fall into the same spot you're in now... just skimming the surface and not having enough facts to back up my arguments... BUT if you put in the tiniest bit of effort (and really, it doesn't take much effort at all) to look into one of your opinions for holes and patch them up, you'll find yourself sounding oh so smart and confident. You'll kick Ms. INTJ's arse. Take those enormous guts of yours (no pun intended... not that it would apply to you or anything... nevermind) and put it into some research. You go guy! Yeah! Woohoo! OK, I'm done.

 

[phoenix13]

From the perspective of an ENFP:
OK, Ne dominated ENFP won't go well with Mr./Ms. INTJ. Ideally, ENFP will have good use of Te and INTJ will be fluent in Fi. Then they will make a kick-ass team.

Also, the ENFP should be cognisant of their tendencies to over-react to things, to take things too personally, etc. This way, they'll be somewhat immune (emotionally) to INTJ's less flattering comments/ suggestions, and so can benefit from the different perspective. For the more social ENFPs, having a solid friend base to turn to will be essential for the differing social needs.

So, while that was entirely off topic, and I have no relationship experience whatsoever, those are what I predict to be the necessary elements for a rewarding INTJ/ENFP relationship on the part of the ENFP. Otherwise, they (ENFPs) may just be the INTJ's entertainment akin to a talking doll, and that's super lame (ie. the ENFP doesn't get anything out of it).

 

[Into It]

Also how the hell is an ENFP going to help an INTJ with their goals?

I hope you aren't serious! Any human being is capable of helping any other human being - type doesn't have anything to do with it! I should have said though: "to help her vision become realized." Goals aren't my forte, but helping is.

 

[Into It]

I got the vibe that your post was generally "I suck, INTJs don't. I want an INTJ so I can make them even better."

Yeah, I should have put more thought into this post. I don't think I suck, though- but I frequently wonder what life is like in others' shoes. The reason I praise INTJs is not because they are actually better, but because I do not really understand Ni, and I'd like to think that I'm able to. Edit: understanding Ni only in theory is unsatisfactory!) My only brother is an INTJ. He drives me NUTS and vise versa.

I didn't claim to be able to make someone better- my post was meant to imply that I could fill in a lot of the gaps that an INTJ would have, not that I would cause them to change. And I stick by this- I have often thought about my brother: how can someone be so smart, but still not "get it?" The abstract thought is what's so appealing, but he won't ever be able to turn it outward, and I suppose I could never connect ideas in the way he does, though that is more difficult to see.

 

[Haphazard]

Otherwise, they (ENFPs) may just be the INTJ's entertainment akin to a talking doll, and that's super lame (ie. the ENFP doesn't get anything out of it).

It's usually the other way around.

 

[Into It]

It's usually the other way around.

This is the duality I'm talking about! I would side with the ENFP that you quoted 100% (I really can't see it any other way, after all, INTJ's aren't the MOST entertaining) but I bet a lot of INTJs would agree with you. Theres a strong polarity and the other type may be difficult to understand.

EDIT: Ok, you probably meant that an INTJ wouldn't get anything out of that relationship. That makes a little more sense, but is a shame.

 

[DigitalMethod]

Well I think an ENFP friendship would be... constructive. Both parties would gain something.

I just don't think I could personally handle being in a long term relationship with an extroverted person. I am assuming this I have to admit. But anyway the people whom I am attracted to romantically are people who I see as long term relationship material.

 

[Usehername]

When I sport-argue with my ENFP friend, he

a) gives up easily
b) assumes my points are valid before thinking them through clearly
c) lets me misdirect him with a side-issue when he's on to one of the holes in my argument


He could easily "win" more often if he simply harped on a single point and supported it well instead of tangenting all over the place and going for breadth of argument.

 

[kiddykat]

Sometimes ENFPs give the illusion of 'agreeing' when in fact they don't. At times, it's only to preserve friendships/peacefulness on our part, because no matter what, people are entitled to their own opinions. Doesn't mean they're right.

Being that we're high-spirited we tend to brush these little things off and try to move onto other subjects of interest as to *not* kill the mood. At least that's how I am. =P

 

[phoenix13]

It's usually the other way around.

Huh? How so?

(Yeah yeah, it's a narcissistic question, but really, I can't see an INTJ in any relationship that they weren't benefiting from. An ENFP may not be so wise... and no, I'm not such an ENFP.)

 

[Maabus1999]

When I dated my INTJ, he seemed to be far more pushy and lovey than I was. But then again, a lot of the times he didn't get to see how much I loved him. It was during the time where I thought emotions made you weak, so he totally didn't get a good sense of how I felt for him. Sigh.

Nevertheless, there was definitely heaps of potential there. =(

I have found younger ENFP's don't understand an INTJ when he tries to set a pattern that he is comfortable with. And when he does, they do, as you say, keep their emotions in check, so it completely frustrates the INTJ and after awhile, his interest goes away (slowly, he may end the relationship before that, but think for along over what happened). If an INTJ puts out trust and doesn't feel it in return, he feels possibly vulnerable and pulls back like a coiled snake.

 

[Haphazard]

Huh? How so?

(Yeah yeah, it's a narcissistic question, but really, I can't see an INTJ in any relationship that they weren't benefiting from. An ENFP may not be so wise... and no, I'm not such an ENFP.)

Typically ENFPs are the ones who are amused by the INTJ's antics. That's how they find them. INTJs wouldn't go out of their way for ENFPs themselves. If the INTJ is going to stick around, they're likely getting something out of it (possibly food), but the INTJ is usually the one doing the amusing.

 

[phoenix13]

When I sport-argue with my ENFP friend, he

a) gives up easily
b) assumes my points are valid before thinking them through clearly
c) lets me misdirect him with a side-issue when he's on to one of the holes in my argument


He could easily "win" more often if he simply harped on a single point and supported it well instead of tangenting all over the place and going for breadth of argument.

From that short post (which I really have no business judging), it sounds like your friend has no confidence in his brain power and/or is too lazy to challenge someone he regards as superior. This is my worst fear... I don't want to ever EVER feel inferior or hopelessly lacking in intelligence with anyone I hang out with, let alone a mate. By this I don't mean I don't want to hang out with intelligent people (IRL, all of my friends are uniquely intelligent in their respective studies), just not people who make me feel inferior (ie are condescending) or that I for some random reason feel inferior with.

Admiring your mate is one thing, but being with him/her out of insecurity (a perverted form of admiration) is the worst! I hope the dude that started this thread isn't thinking of doing that. Really, get yourself together first, then go knock some INTJ off her feet with your uniquely creative, well thought-out ideas.

 

[phoenix13]

I have found younger ENFP's don't understand an INTJ when he tries to set a pattern that he is comfortable with. And when he does, they do, as you say, keep their emotions in check, so it completely frustrates the INTJ and after awhile, his interest goes away (slowly, he may end the relationship before that, but think for along over what happened). If an INTJ puts out trust and doesn't feel it in return, he feels possibly vulnerable and pulls back like a coiled snake.

Pattern? Are you refering to the exchange of vulnerable expressions of love/feelings/whatever? and that ENFPs stop reciprocating?

 

[SillySapienne]

Typically ENFPs are the ones who are amused by the INTJ's antics. That's how they find them. INTJs wouldn't go out of their way for ENFPs themselves. If the INTJ is going to stick around, they're likely getting something out of it (possibly food), but the INTJ is usually the one doing the amusing.

You amuse me so!!!

LOL!!!!

 

[runvardh]

*wishes he could just start cooking and have the smell bring the hungry INTJs in...*

 

[Kristiana]

*wishes he could just start cooking and have the smell bring the hungry INTJs in...*

Mmmmm do I smell food?

*runs in, and brings her husband, too*

TWO INTJs are here to eat! You got your wish!

 

[substitute]

I tend to share the thought that INTJ/ENFP would take a lot of work to uh, work.

I've sorta had my Te artificially augmented by hanging out a lot with ENTJ's in the past, so i find the Ne/Ni issues get resolved between me and INTJ's usually by our common ground of Te. And my T also neutralizes my E to some extent, meaning that I don't 'require' so much human contact and affirmation as the ENFP usually does, so the INTJ doesn't tend to find me quite so much of a pest as I don't interfere in their 'alone time' (much). I need lots of external stimulation and interaction but it doesn't need to be people at all. Walking around a new town on my own for a day can be enough for me, but ENFP's tend to need more 'together time' which can drain the INTJ.

Just my tuppence worth.

 

[Maabus1999]

Pattern? Are you refering to the exchange of vulnerable expressions of love/feelings/whatever? and that ENFPs stop reciprocating?

INTJ's when younger, and even later, take forever to decide things in a relationship. And they will constantly open and close up during their process. I think indirectly this attracts ENFP's because to them the INTJ is not 100% giving them the validation that they are "super awesome and I love you to death." The INTJ may think it at times but will pull himself back, which may drive the ENFP A.) crazy and try to pull him out more or B.) away.

Not sure if that makes more sense.