[INTJ] INTJ flirting

[Zhash]

Does that mean INTJs don't flirt with their spouses? Because that would be really no fun.

INTJs flirt intellectually by manipulating words using puns and metaphors. Once physical connection has been established and the relationship is in full swing, INTJ women can flirt so seductively that most partners exclaim, "THANK YOU, THANK YOU, LORD!"

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

I have a few thoughts about this, especially about the original poster's position.

I'm an INTJ, and I really am not very good at flirting. I'm really not very good at talking to women at all. Occasionally I'll be able to do the intellectual flirting thing. But I really don't think there is a difference between "flirting" and "intellectual flirting". I think it's a difference of method, and that's all. It's still putting on a show, it's just putting on "King Lear" instead of "Grease". I think any difference is that the NT in question has a pejorative opinion of someone else's method.

Flirting, aside from being fun if you can do it, isn't the provenance of sluts and manwhores. Remarking on someone's physical attractiveness isn't crass, it's a compliment. And the MySpace come-ons you see aren't flirting, they're advertisements for sex products. It's the difference between brandishing a gun and shooting someone.

Finally, whether you see it as uncouth or unproductive, the truth is that we do have to sell ourselves a little if we want to attract the opposite sex. I'm like the OP...I don't like the idea of selling myself, I think it kind of queers the deal. But that's just the way it is. Flirting is like selling a product in the supermarket...it puts you on a shelf at eye-level and makes you visible. If you refuse to flirt at all, you're putting yourself on the top shelf in the back where no one can see. Which is fine, if you want to hold on to your principles (in fact, my behavior can be seen as exactly this.) But the rub is that no matter how good that product is, no one is going out of their way to come look for it.

 

[MacGuffin]

Ok, this thread keeps reinforcing my theory that INTJ men lean towards being asexual.

Thanks for the lack of competition! :hi:

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Ok, this thread keeps reinforcing my theory that INTJ men lean towards being asexual.

Thanks for the lack of competition! :hi:

The guys I've known who have declared little-no interest in sex are generally INT's, but there have been both J's and P's in that mix. Somehow, I've never been entirely convinced of it. Certain personalities may wish to not disclose their needs for other human beings.

 

[htb]

Thanks for the lack of competition!

Why bother? Nobody can flirt as badly as you. Har!

 

[MacGuffin]

The guys I've known who have declared little-no interest in sex are generally INT's, but there have been both J's and P's in that mix. Somehow, I've never been entirely convinced of it. Certain personalities may wish to not disclose their needs for other human beings.

Considering the sample sizes on the two forums:

INTJ men < INTP men

when it comes to sexuality.

Over at INTPc I can find just about 1 asexual INTJ for each asexual INTP. Which is counterintuitive considering there are 10x as many INTPs.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Considering the sample sizes on the two forums:

INTJ men < INTP men

when it comes to sexuality.

Over at INTPc I can find just about 1 asexual INTJ for each asexual INTP. Which is counterintuitive considering there are 10x as many INTPs.

I hadn't taken the tally. I have no comment. You may be taking the whole "lack of P-ness" thing a little too literally, though.

 

[MacGuffin]

I hadn't taken the tally. I have no comment. You may be taking the whole "lack of P-ness" thing a little too literally, though.

My Pness is quite large...




However! It is just something I've noticed. Way disproportionate numbers.





Sorry eyebyte.

(attila isn't)

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Ok, this thread keeps reinforcing my theory that INTJ men lean towards being asexual.

Thanks for the lack of competition! :hi:

It's funny, maybe it's just a matter of perspective. But I'm an INTJ, and I love women and love sex. It's just that I'm virtually incapable of obtaining it. Maybe other INTJs are like me. It's not that I don't care about sex, it just feels like I'm on a lake with a thousand other boats, and all the guys in the other boats have fishing rods and I just have my hands.

 

[MacGuffin]

It's funny, maybe it's just a matter of perspective. But I'm an INTJ, and I love women and love sex. It's just that I'm virtually incapable of obtaining it. Maybe other INTJs are like me. It's not that I don't care about sex, it just feels like I'm on a lake with a thousand other boats, and all the guys in the other boats have fishing rods and I just have my hands.

Yeah, even if INTJ men get past the whole sex-as-a-concept conundrum, they are woefully inadequate to do much about it.

 

[nottaprettygal]

It's funny, maybe it's just a matter of perspective. But I'm an INTJ, and I love women and love sex. It's just that I'm virtually incapable of obtaining it. Maybe other INTJs are like me. It's not that I don't care about sex, it just feels like I'm on a lake with a thousand other boats, and all the guys in the other boats have fishing rods and I just have my hands.

I don't understand. Can't you just work on acquiring the skills needed to have sex (or relationships, etc.)? It's just like learning any other normal type of skill when you look at it that way.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

I don't understand. Can't you just work on acquiring the skills needed to have sex (or relationships, etc.)? It's just like learning any other normal type of skill when you look at it that way.

I really wish I could. I suppose intellectually I could learn to do it, but my absolutely paralyzing shyness wouldn't allow me to put it into practice. It's like learning how to be a skydiver when you're afraid of heights.

And yes, I use analogies constantly. I have to work on that.

 

[Ivy]

I really wish I could. I suppose intellectually I could learn to do it, but my absolutely paralyzing shyness wouldn't allow me to put it into practice. It's like learning how to be a skydiver when you're afraid of heights.

And yes, I use analogies constantly. I have to work on that.

That's N at work. Don't fight it, embrace it.

 

[nottaprettygal]

I really wish I could. I suppose intellectually I could learn to do it, but my absolutely paralyzing shyness wouldn't allow me to put it into practice.

I think the key is making it intellectual and hoping that the emotional will follow. But thinking of sex/relationships as intellectual at least makes the process tolerable.

The shyness is tough though. I have that problem myself. Sometimes I just have to pretend like I'm someone else. . . an actor playing a part in order to get through social situations with the opposite sex.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

I think the key is making it intellectual and hoping that the emotional will follow. But thinking of sex/relationships as intellectual at least makes the prospect tolerable.

The shyness is tough though. I have that problem myself. Sometimes I just have to pretend like I'm someone else. . . an actor playing a part in order to get through social situations with the opposite sex.

I never thought about the "actor playing a part" thing. That holds some promise.

What I REALLY need is a little guy on my shoulder like Fred Flintstone has Gazoo. He can whisper in my ear when a woman is flirting with me, because I sure don't know. Then he can tell me what to say.

Thanks for helping me with ideas that don't involve little green levitating spacemen

 

[Cerpin_Taxt]

I'll elaborate on my previous comment. I understood flirting to be something one does with the prospect of getting layed, but if were including making joke passes at friends and the sought, then yes I guess I do flirt, sometimes so well they think I'm being serious.

As far as anonymous women go, well, is there a way to say 'cram the small talk and get to the point' without sounding like a asshole, can I count that as flirting?



Oh come on, don't look at me like that, don't I even get point's for participation.



Oh screw you guys, this is ridiculous, this is just ridiculous.

P.S- FMWarner nice avater, another T-Shirt idea to add to the pile.

 

[spartan26]

I'm very oblivious to flirting, and it's usually only pointed out to me by friends about 5-10 mins after the fact.

Well, my friend, let me tell you that sure as hell beats your S.O. telling you later in the evening or 3 days after the fact that someone was flirting with you. "Hmpt! Why don't you get your little friend to help you!" I didn't do anyth- "Oh you know damn well what you did!"

What I REALLY need is a little guy on my shoulder like Fred Flintstone has Gazoo. He can whisper in my ear when a woman is flirting with me, because I sure don't know. Then he can tell me what to say.

Wingman. The term is wingman! Someone to fight off the bogeys of jealous girlfriends or spot ravage ex's who can't move on. Someone to do the selling of you for you, who is also adept at reading between bs lines or at least who's brave enough to ask the questions aloud after she says something that makes you think, "Hmmm, I wonder what she meant by that???"

A good wingman can get the conversation flowing or will have no problem getting it started. A wingman can serve as both your cornerman and cut man. Someone who sees the total action, knows where you're losing points in the judging and also spots vulnerable areas you can exploit. The wingman is all about setting it up for you to close.

Maybe someday you'll find your ultimate wingman. The one who'll put himself in harm's way by doing the fat, dumpy friend just so you can have that one magical, night of connection with someone you both realize could be the one.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

I'll elaborate on my previous comment. I understood flirting to be something one does with the prospect of getting layed, but if were including making joke passes at friends and the sought, then yes I guess I do flirt, sometimes so well they think I'm being serious.

As far as anonymous women go, well, is there a way to say 'cram the small talk and get to the point' without sounding like a asshole, can I count that as flirting?



Oh come on, don't look at me like that, don't I even get point's for participation.



Oh screw you guys, this is ridiculous, this is just ridiculous.

P.S- FMWarner nice avater, another T-Shirt idea to add to the pile.

Thanks...I actually did create that image and make a T shirt of it, but just for me. Maybe people would actually want to buy one. That is, unless they're a Rangers or Devils fan

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Yeah, even if INTJ men get past the whole sex-as-a-concept conundrum, they are woefully inadequate to do much about it.

You are such a stinker, but quite eloquent with your insults.

As a person whose communication style has long made me perceived as nearly asexual (while never being even close to matching that assumption), I tend to approach these things in a more simplistic way. Personality types determine the way a person communicates. Sexual desire is based on something much simpler - having the body parts and hormones to trigger it. If you have all your parts and such, you will have a healthy libido, etc. Low libidos are more the result of physiology. Some types are just far more apt to hide their sexual desires. You may be surprised just how much a person can hide.

 

[Usehername]

As a person whose communication style has long made me perceived as nearly asexual (while never being even close to matching that assumption).... Some types are just far more apt to hide their sexual desires. You may be surprised just how much a person can hide.

yeah--me too