[NT] NTs and their kids

[murkrow]

Will you try to promote NTness in your children?

 

[mippus]

A very tough question.
Knowing I gave my parents a hard time, as an NT-child, having such a kid myself is not something I look forward to. My kids give me the space to get in touch with my suppressed F-side.
But then again, I like being an NT a lot, and I wish my kids all the benefits and joys it brought me.
I guess, by just being there, I will promote it enough, so I won't make any extra efforts...

Tnx for the question.

 

[murkrow]

I guess, by just being there, I will promote it enough, so I won't make any extra efforts...

Would your presence involve challenging the ideas of your children and stopping them from developing a more dogmatic approach to thought?

I would never expect or support the suppression of a feeling instinct in a child, but I think I would have a hard time not pushing my kids to be more intuitive.

 

[FDG]

I wouldn't care less, being NT is no better than being any other temperament.

 

[murkrow]

I wouldn't care less, being NT is no better than being any other temperament.

That's absolutely ridiculous.

Are you saying you will take no part in the development of your children?

Or will you reinforce whatever their first impulses are?

Being NT might not be "better" than any other temperament, but it's still your temperament and one that you must value somehow.

 

[FDG]

That's absolutely ridiculous.

Are you saying you will take no part in the development of your children?

Or will you reinforce whatever their first impulses are?

The latter; if my children were not to show any "NT" inclination and were not to care about intellectual topics I would not feel any discontent.
Of course, if the opposite situation were to happen, he'd be welcomed to ask me questions and I'd be willing to give him access to the information sources I've found and consider worthy.

 

[animenagai]

my father did and it worked out well for me. as a child i had a respect for intelligence and intellectual pursuits. i do consider myself intelligent. i could've been driven away if dad was a militant J like my mother though. he's an easy going P and so am i. that made it easier to communicate. being with him was therefore not a chore, but a pleasure, and the NT stuff came naturally. granted, i am not an NT, but i still have that respect for logic and intelligence.

 

[murkrow]

The latter; if my children were not to show any "NT" inclination and were not to care about intellectual topics I would not feel any discontent.
Of course, if the opposite situation were to happen, he'd be welcomed to ask me questions and I'd be willing to give him access to the information sources I've found and consider worthy.

What role do you have as a parent, never one of guidance?

If your child were to begin to develop an irrational or self destructive ideology what would you do?

 

[SaltyWench]

What role do you have as a parent, never one of guidance?

If your child were to begin to develop an irrational or self destructive ideology what would you do?

Trying to turn your kid into an NT would likely make them develop an irrational or self-destructive ideology if that's not how they're naturally wired.

FDG has the right idea. It's best to support whatever the child's natural gifts are.

 

[tinkerbell]

The latter; if my children were not to show any "NT" inclination and were not to care about intellectual topics I would not feel any discontent..

I totally agree, let the child be what the child is and stop placing one type over another in superiority. Parents influence their children, but they need to allow them the persoanl freedom to develop into themselves and not beomce mini me's. Perahps a read of Keirseys section on Pygmailon syndrom may be helpful at explain how disctructive the mini me approach can be

Lis

 

[cafe]

My husband (an NT) encourages independence and critical thought, as do I. But he also encourages respect, consideration, responsibility, etc, as do I. Make of that what you will.

 

[substitute]

I wouldn't promote NT-ness per se, because one of my kids is an ExFJ and the other one is ENTP same as me, so I'd effectively be making one kid feel like they were inferior for not possessing inherently the qualities her sister does. And she already feels that bad enough, bless her, since little one's a certified genius and she's 'only' above average.

I do promote the potential good qualities of NT-ness, such as integrity and rational thinking and enquiry, but I promote as much as possible all good qualities, including those NT's find difficult such as empathy, tact and consideration for others.

It's a simple truth that people who are liked get further in life than people who are just clever but not liked. So whilst I praise them when they do something clever, I also encourage social skills and making an effort to build and maintain a healthy social life. Particularly challenging since little ENTP has Asperger Syndrome.

 

[FDG]

What role do you have as a parent, never one of guidance?

Depends. If my kid will need guidance, yes I will give them of course. If my kid doesn't, no.
I don't precisely know what my role as a parent will be, to be honest. A lot will depend on the personality of my kid.
One thing I'm sure of, I will try to teach him how to pick up girls, if he will need help. That's something absolutely essential in life, life without women is not really worth living. I'd also like to go with him on some adventures like climbing mountains - if he'll be the type that likes this kind of thing. I am not a strong believer in education so if he thinks that school is a complete waste of time - I will likely agree with him.

If your child were to begin to develop an irrational or self destructive ideology what would you do?

That's a bit of a different story: not having NT-alike interests is not equal to developing self-destructive habits. Of course in that case I would try to make my son change his mind. Unfortunately, I've seen such situations coming out of very happy families: I'm of the opinion that predisposition to that type of behavior is mostly genetic.

 

[Mondo]

It depends on how you define NTness.
If my child is an obvious "SF", I wouldn't try to change that.
However, I would encourage my child to enjoy learning and intellectual exploration and to be independent.
It is a lie that only NT's enjoy such things.

 

[Enyo]

Will you try to promote NTness in your children?

My child is already NTJ. I didn't promote it, that's for sure. My child is a mini-me. Aside from gender differences, he looks exactly like me (but with straight blond hair instead of crazy curly auburn hair). He walks like me. He talks like me. He has my impatience and low tolerance for BS. And he's probably going to end up being smarter than me.

However, we both agree that we can't live together because we drive each other insane. We do well when we visit for a week or two at a time, but anything more than that requires a referee.

If I'd had my preference, I'd have had a child that I could live with.

 

[Enyo]

I totally agree, let the child be what the child is and stop placing one type over another in superiority. Parents influence their children, but they need to allow them the persoanl freedom to develop into themselves and not beomce mini me's. Perahps a read of Keirseys section on Pygmailon syndrom may be helpful at explain how disctructive the mini me approach can be

Lis

And then there are people who get mini-me's without trying for one.

I almost believe that a certain amount of personality is hereditary. My grandmother and my father were very much alike, and didn't always live together during his childhood because they couldn't get along and communicate effectively. My father and I were very much alike, and it took my mother refereeing when we'd both gotten our backs up. And now there's my son and me, also very much alike and unable to live together.

And, obviously, family gatherings were great fun, as all four of us were there together. Fortunately, it was a big enough family for us to have buffers for when we got on each other's nerves. There wasn't a lack of love, but there was certainly a lot of communication and temperament issues to deal with.