[INTJ] INTJs and the 13 Habits of Exceptionally Likable People

[highlander]

Interesting article from Forbes on the Thirteen habits of exceptionally likable people. Which ones apply to INTJs? How do we do on these?

1. They Ask Questions - Not sure. Maybe we do ok here? I think they tend to be those penetrating uncomfortable questions though...

2. They Put Away Their Phones - Irrelevant to type probably

3. They Are Genuine - INTJs are nothing but genuine.

4. They Don’t Pass Judgment - Hmm.... That's a tough one. Do we give off an air of passing judgments?

5. They Don’t Seek Attention - We're a winner on this one. :

6. They Are Consistent - We are probably pretty consistent Two in a row!

7. They Use Positive Body Language - What kind of variation of rigid do you want? Do you want us to move an arm? An eyebrow?

8. They Leave a Strong First Impression - Uhh.. Not doing so well here. We don't care about those so much.

9. They Greet People by Name - Damn who can remember names??? Come on this list is unfair.

10. They Smile - You want us to smile now? And be genuine at the same time?

11. They Know When To Open Up - Huh? We're the pistachios that never got cracked open right.

12. They Know Who To Touch (and They Touch Them) - Oh sure, just call us the "love bunnies"

13. They Balance Passion and Fun - I actually think this is true of INTJs. The trouble is a lot of people never get a chance to see the fun side


Bringing It All Together

Likeable people are invaluable and unique. They network with ease, promote harmony in the workplace, bring out the best in everyone around them, and generally seem to have the most fun. Add these skills to your repertoire and watch your likeability soar!

 

[Coriolis]

Is it really that important to be an "exceptionally likeable person"? Isn't it enough to be courteous, dependable, and good at what we do?

The second half of that list is more like a list of pet peeves. I do think we are less likely to have our phones out, simply because we tend to be more focused and less prone to multitasking (perhaps due to I and J?) Also, we usually do make a strong first impression, though not always a positive one. Finally the problem with 13 is that our idea of fun often differs significantly from that of others, so they don't recognize that we really are having fun.

 

[Cellmold]

Kind of arbitrary list.

 

[Virtual ghost]

I will play.


1. They Ask Questions - True. But that often turns into too many question and/or question that shoot too close to the core.

2. They Put Away Their Phones - I do not like to use my phone too much anyway because I consider that to be the waste of time.

3. They Are Genuine - The end justifies the means so I do not have the problem with idea that certain distortions are sometimes ok. Actually people tend to like more the distorted version of me than the geniune me.

4. They Don’t Pass Judgment - I will not even comment this one.

5. They Don’t Seek Attention - Yes, but this is often more of a "Why didn't you .... ?" kind of attention. (at least that is how other people tend to see it)

6. They Are Consistent - Yes.

7. They Use Positive Body Language - Positive body language !?

8. They Leave a Strong First Impression - I guess this is true.

9. They Greet People by Name - And what is the alternative ? "HEY YOU THERE !!!!" ?

10. They Smile - My parents told me that I look twice as evil when I actually smile. (true story)

11. They Know When To Open Up - Ok, but the real question is will the other person like what they see.

12. They Know Who To Touch (and They Touch Them) - *does not compute*

13. They Balance Passion and Fun - Passion is double edged sword and fun is a subjective term

 

[INTJ123]

Is it really that important to be an "exceptionally likeable person"? Isn't it enough to be courteous, dependable, and good at what we do?

The second half of that list is more like a list of pet peeves. I do think we are less likely to have our phones out, simply because we tend to be more focused and less prone to multitasking (perhaps due to I and J?) Also, we usually do make a strong first impression, though not always a positive one. Finally the problem with 13 is that our idea of fun often differs significantly from that of others, so they don't recognize that we really are having fun.

I don't have my phone out because I have no friends, or if an old friend calls I don't answer it.
But I'm sure this is all in a sense of a corporate/professional/white collar environment, where they are trying to institute a snobby culture, and they probably want to be like real people, who value real authentic interpersonal communication, and yadda yadda snobby snob talk, yea they still can't stop being snobs though I'm afraid.

 

[Coriolis]

9. They Greet People by Name - And what is the alternative ? "HEY YOU THERE !!!!" ?

No, the alternative is to make do with a nameless "good morning", or better yet - to dispense with a greeting altogether.

10. They Smile - My parents told me that I look twice as evil when I actually smile. (true story)

I've been told this a couple times.

12. They Know Who To Touch (and They Touch Them) - *does not compute*

Most people need to learn the opposite - whom not to touch.

13. They Balance Passion and Fun - Passion is double edged sword and fun is a subjective term

Exactly.

 

[ceecee]

Most people need to learn the opposite - whom not to touch.

This.

I also like nothing more than a nod in the am.

 

[grey_beard]

Interesting article from Forbes on the Thirteen habits of exceptionally likable people. Which ones apply to INTJs? How do we do on these?

Time for a well-deserved fisking from a fellow member of the INTJ armoured regiment...

1. They Ask Questions - Not sure. Maybe we do ok here? I think they tend to be those penetrating uncomfortable questions though...

Our questions are impertinent because they go to the core of the issue, leaving no room for political safety, alliances, or messy emotions. "Truth at ALL costs" costs the INTJ friends. Sad but true.

2. They Put Away Their Phones - Irrelevant to type probably

INTJs do not know how to use their phone to gossip, obviating 95% of the features on it.

3. They Are Genuine - INTJs are nothing but genuine.

Like Lieutenant Keith Drummond in Chesterton's The Club of Queer Trades, we come off badly because we always tell the exact truth:

[

QUOTE]"No, he's extremely fond of change of scene," replied Basil
dispassionately, "and of living in odd places. That doesn't
prevent his chief trait being verbal exactitude. What you people
don't understand is that telling a thing crudely and coarsely as
it happened makes it sound frightfully strange. The sort of things
Keith recounts are not the sort of things that a man would make up
to cover himself with honour; they are too absurd. But they are
the sort of things that a man would do if he were sufficiently
filled with the soul of skylarking."

"So far from paradox," said his brother, with something rather
like a sneer, "you seem to be going in for journalese proverbs. Do
you believe that truth is stranger than fiction?"

"Truth must of necessity be stranger than fiction," said Basil
placidly. "For fiction is the creation of the human mind, and
therefore is congenial to it."[/QUOTE]

4. They Don’t Pass Judgment - Hmm.... That's a tough one. Do we give off an air of passing judgments?

The death glare makes us look like we've ALREADY passed judgment, and found the rest of the human race wanting.

5. They Don’t Seek Attention - We're a winner on this one. :

But boy, do we garner attention behind our backs!

6. They Are Consistent - We are probably pretty consistent Two in a row!

Precisely so.

7. They Use Positive Body Language - What kind of variation of rigid do you want? Do you want us to move an arm? An eyebrow?

That would be...highly illogical. (SWIDT?)

8. They Leave a Strong First Impression - Uhh.. Not doing so well here. We don't care about those so much.

When people *do* notice us (usually after we've summed up a half-hour phone meeting between eight people, in just three sentences), we leave a *very* strong impression.

9. They Greet People by Name - Damn who can remember names??? Come on this list is unfair.

Unfortunately, we often compound this by getting the name wrong, but just close enough that the mistake is comprehensible, but without the grace to blush and ask, "And I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name?"...adding insult to injury.

10. They Smile - You want us to smile now? And be genuine at the same time?

An INTJ smile, properly executed, looks like this:
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net...Calvin.jpeg/revision/latest?cb=20131009203849

11. They Know When To Open Up - Huh? We're the pistachios that never got cracked open right.

Only the ENFP and the INFP have the power to melt INTJ armour.

12. They Know Who To Touch (and They Touch Them) - Oh sure, just call us the "love bunnies"

it Once we've found "The One"...take the relentless drive towards optimization, the fearsome intellect, combine them with Ni which can detect the slightest *hint*...and put it all at at the command of Fi unleashed in the service of sensual desire... it really is the best-kept love secret in the MBTI.

13. They Balance Passion and Fun - I actually think this is true of INTJs. The trouble is a lot of people never get a chance to see the fun side

The now-retired [MENTION=5494]Amargith[/MENTION] had a good bit on this once, about her INTJ going on a bender to unwind after a stressful projector something. And a lot of the pun involves verbal banter and horseplay, which non-intuitives don't always seem to like as much...

Bringing It All Together

Likeable people are invaluable and unique. They network with ease, promote harmony in the workplace, bring out the best in everyone around them, and generally seem to have the most fun. Add these skills to your repertoire and watch your likeability soar!

http://www.21st-century-christianity.com/images/dream-the-impossible-1-9.jpg

 

[Coriolis]

Our questions are impertinent because they go to the core of the issue, leaving no room for political safety, alliances, or messy emotions. "Truth at ALL costs" costs the INTJ friends. Sad but true.

Just the standard cost/benefit analysis.

 

[highlander]

it Once we've found "The One"...take the relentless drive towards optimization, the fearsome intellect, combine them with Ni which can detect the slightest *hint*...and put it all at at the command of Fi unleashed in the service of sensual desire... it really is the best-kept love secret in the MBTI.

Now that is very true.

 

[TSDesigner]

You guys should listen to "Conquering Social Anxiety" by Think Right Now. It's an audio recording of affirmations. It's not only about social anxiety, it teaches you to be social and likable. The first time I listened to it, I was shocked by how many things I didn't do that it said I should do. But I listened to it recently again, and this time everything it said was things that I now do.

I think this whole INTJ's being hated on has been grossly exaggerated on this forum. I think *STJ's are much more hated on in real life. People kill cops, and most cops are *STJ's. The amount of hate that cops get on the internet is incredible. Nobody kills INTJ's or wants to. I've gotten lots of shit in my life from other guys because they're assholes, but girls liked me, sometimes quite a lot, in spite of me not being social. Also remember almost all ENFP's love us. How can you forget about that? We're the only type that has an entire other type that act like we're rock stars and they're our groupies. At worst, we INTJ's often get indifference from people because we're indifferent and uninterested in them. But we INTJ's are great at just about anything if we put our minds to it. We can easily get other people to like us if we feel like it's important.

Here's my list of things you can do to be likable, off the top of my head:

1. take an interest in people
2. be interested in the things people talk about
3. never say anything rude or insulting
4. be empathetic
5. have a pleasant facial expression and attitude. Be positive.
6. Master small talk
7. compliment people occasionally.
8. be in a good mood. enjoy your life. have a job or business that you enjoy
9. be relaxed and non-judgmental
10. echo back to people their own words and personal values.

 

[Virtual ghost]

You guys should listen to "Conquering Social Anxiety" by Think Right Now. It's an audio recording of affirmations. It's not only about social anxiety, it teaches you to be social and likable. The first time I listened to it, I was shocked by how many things I didn't do that it said I should do. But I listened to it recently again, and this time everything it said was things that I now do.

What makes you think that we behave as we do because we have social anxiety ?

 

[JocktheMotie]

14. They don't post vapid listicles.

 

[TSDesigner]

What makes you think that we behave as we do because we have social anxiety ?

That's NOT what I said. You are making false assumptions.

 

[Cygnus]

I'm really hoping highlander is actually an ISFJ. A lot of people seem to suspect mistypes in the old moderator base and I think he could fit the bill.

 

[Jaguar]

10. echo back to people their own words and personal values.

Great advice for people who are considering a career in selling used cars.

 

[Poki]

You guys should listen to "Conquering Social Anxiety" by Think Right Now. It's an audio recording of affirmations. It's not only about social anxiety, it teaches you to be social and likable. The first time I listened to it, I was shocked by how many things I didn't do that it said I should do. But I listened to it recently again, and this time everything it said was things that I now do.

I think this whole INTJ's being hated on has been grossly exaggerated on this forum. I think *STJ's are much more hated on in real life. People kill cops, and most cops are *STJ's. The amount of hate that cops get on the internet is incredible. Nobody kills INTJ's or wants to. I've gotten lots of shit in my life from other guys because they're assholes, but girls liked me, sometimes quite a lot, in spite of me not being social. Also remember almost all ENFP's love us. How can you forget about that? We're the only type that has an entire other type that act like we're rock stars and they're our groupies. At worst, we INTJ's often get indifference from people because we're indifferent and uninterested in them. But we INTJ's are great at just about anything if we put our minds to it. We can easily get other people to like us if we feel like it's important.

Here's my list of things you can do to be likable, off the top of my head:

1. take an interest in people
2. be interested in the things people talk about
3. never say anything rude or insulting
4. be empathetic
5. have a pleasant facial expression and attitude. Be positive.
6. Master small talk
7. compliment people occasionally.
8. be in a good mood. enjoy your life. have a job or business that you enjoy
9. be relaxed and non-judgmental
10. echo back to people their own words and personal values.

I think that a cop is very STJ stereotype career, but I don't think most cops are STJ. I see a wide variety, NFP, STP, STJ, I would say NTJ would probably be the desk cop or analyst. I would say probably SFP and NTJ would be the least likely type. That's off of what I see though. No scientific proof or study done.

Other then that, I agree that's a decent list of sociable things. Now...whether or not I wanna be that sociable or another INTJ wants to be that sociable is a different story.

 

[Rambling]

I'm exceptionally likeable. Just that I don't like it so much... So I stay quiet.
[MENTION=20856]grey_beard[/MENTION]'s list was pretty funny. I'm so tempted to start a thread for people who want to 'open up' [MENTION=8936]highlander[/MENTION], now!

 

[EcK]

At op:
Sorry. I don't give interviews

 

[EcK]

10. echo back to people their own words and personal values.cars.

Great advice for people who are considering a career in selling used cars.

Yea that is great advice for people considering a career in selling used cars.