[NT] How do NTs experience crushes?

[Wolf]

Has only happened once fully, but totally secret and very long term. I am prone to slight obsession about those I'm interested in, but I never approach them, I just wait. They never tell me they like me, of course, so I've learned how to let it fade and talk myself into believing they're no longer available and therefore no longer safe to be interested in. I guess they're merely lighter and I don't let them fully develop anymore. Relationships also die hard, usually taking at least a few years to pass sufficiently for another attempt.

 

[substitute]

Very quickly. It either happens very soon after meeting them or never. If I've known someone for six months and haven't felt 'that way' about them, then I never will.

There are different kinds of crushes though for me. There's the one that's definitely quite infantile - sorta adoring, worshipping, needing to earn the respect and trust of the person but not wanting to deal too closely with them for fear of making an ass of myself.

Then there's the 'in love' one, which is where I can see all the ways that them being the way they are compensates for me being the way I am, and vice versa, and I figure we'd make the perfect team and feel impatient for us to get together and conquer the universe. Strangely, I tend to feel this one most often without any sexual aspect to it. The last thing on my mind is wanting to sleep with them - the first thing is all the things we could achieve by putting our heads and resources together, and what a pleasure it'd be to work with them.

Once or twice when I have worked with someone I've felt like that about, and the working relationship has been so successful and 'clear', there's been this feeling of simbiosis, like we're exensions of each other's minds and bodies, and the thrill and pleasure of this situation has made me just love and adore them so much, for the great pleasure and meaning they give to my life, the things they enable me to do that mean so much to me, I have felt that I would burst if I couldn't find a way to express it physically - and that's when I start to 'notice' how beautiful they are, and everything about them becomes beautiful to me, and I want to explore and touch every inch of them in every possible way.

Been a long time since that's happened though!!

 

[Usehername]

Strangely, I tend to feel this one most often without any sexual aspect to it. The last thing on my mind is wanting to sleep with them - the first thing is all the things we could achieve by putting our heads and resources together, and what a pleasure it'd be to work with them.

Yeah, I can certainly relate there.

 

[themadness]

I'm very obsessive about the people I feel crushes on (immature Fe alert). These crushes have previously lasted a long time, meaning that I have only had a few crushes - one for a few years and a couple for a period of roughly 6 months.

I have found that my crushes often flow and ebb depending on how much time I spend around the person in question. I recent example would be a girl I met while working who I hadn't seen for a while and who I had caught up with for coffee. The feelings had died down after I had stopped working with her but they returned with a vengeance.

I also find that I often idealise the people who I have crushes on. I make them out to be absolutely perfect - they can do no wrong!!! For this reason and my fear of rejection I have a lot of trouble asking people out. I'm also the typical INTP in that I am very good at hiding my feelings (mostly) and when I have asked girls out (all two of them) it has often been completely out-of-the blue.

I also seem to be attracted too people who would probably never go out with me .

 

[Opivy1980]

Crushes are non-existant for me now, I either like someone for what they are or I am indifferent to them.

When I was younger I had crushes and I just ignored them entirely, I tried to avoid being around the other person except in one on one situations so I could gauge whether the attraction was mutual, but I never acted on anything.

And now as I stated I have control of my emotional faculties and am able to differentiate whether or not someone is worth my time or not regardless of internal and external influences.

 

[spirilis]

After pondering this a short while, I believe I've experienced 3 types of crushes:

1. Shallow. Usually based on physical attraction, this may result in me looking at her often, but seldom thinking about her outside of that. If her name comes up in conversation, I may listen in just to take in more facts about her. Thinking about her imparts a pleasant feeling to me, although it doesn't go any further than that.

2. Romantic. Usually based on personality compatibility and mutual attraction, this results in me holding a "special place for her" in my heart, so to speak--she is my one, I am exclusive to her and think of no other women. We exchange our desires, thoughts, viewpoints, discuss deep topics as well as shallow topics, laugh together, drive together, etc.

3. Magnetic. Had this maybe 4 times in my life and it's always turned out bad, with one of us diffusing the situation by lack of contact. It tends to happen with EFJ (Fe-dominant) types. Starts out as an intense hands-off chemistry, where I am bitten by the 'bug' but to maintain my facade, I pull back and try not to show my feelings or reveal my thoughts to her, and I deliberately hide my feelings from others, denying them if someone calls me out. I maintain infrequent contact with her, primarily because each encounter, platonic as they might be, are too overwhelming for me to sustain. I idealize her to an obsessive extent, and often lose sleep thinking about her, blind to the fact that I am making things worse by staying out of touch. These begin quickly and die slowly; oftentimes I fantasize about she and I talking or walking together or being in different environments (work, encountering each other at random outside of work, etc.) In my head, a lifetime relationship has already begun and ended by the time we lose contact, months later, when I finally realize we might never speak again. The feelings fade away and I find myself empty for some time, quickly recovering my sense of normalcy.

With romantic relationships I may experience some of the "magnetic" effects for a time (several months), even if they don't start out as such. But women who invoke the "magnetic" crush get that treatment right away.

I am pretty much NT, but I often wonder if I have a bit of NF in my nature too.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I'm very obsessive about the people I feel crushes on (immature Fe alert). These crushes have previously lasted a long time, meaning that I have only had a few crushes - one for a few years and a couple for a period of roughly 6 months.

My crushes are intense, but with maturity I've learned strategies to balance them. My first crush at age 9 lasted a good two years, even in the absence of the little boy. There was typically some one person who filled that spot of longing, rarely fulfilled. Crushes always felt embarrassingly obsessive. It hurt my self esteem to feel so vulnerable to another person, longing for their acceptance, feeling that yet again I cared more for someone than they cared for me.

I still get silly crushes on a regular basis, but Martoon knows about it. Sometimes he laughs at me about it, sometimes he just says, okay. He does it too, but is pretty detached from most people. For me it's just nice to know someone thinks you're appealing. I think crushes have a lot to do with our emotional holes. For me it's about feeling like i'm worth being noticed. I'll go ahead and be confessional here... There a part of me that can't believe any man could view me as a complete woman, sensual, smart, fun, all that. There's just some deep, stupid part that can't accept that as a possibility (mainly the sensual part - they know i'm smart, even when they don't like it.).

 

[Yomama99]

I dated an INTJ girl once. Never again.

 

[runvardh]

I dated an INTJ girl once. Never again.

Duuuuuuuuude! You should like, totally toss her my way, ^____________^

 

[htb]

To the original question: like a descent into quicksand.

Dammit!

 

[Ferdinand]

I frequently experience a slight interest in someone, but an actual crush is quite rare. However, when I do experience a crush, it is extrrrrrrrremely intense. When I do not act it can last for more than a year; the first "real" crush I had took about 18 months to fade. I can be quite obsessive about my limerent object, but usually only within my own mind; I have never actually stalked someone.