Hi, experienced INTJ here. Bear with me while I get my feet more comfortably into my mouth.
(shifts posture).
OK, that's better. The questions will be repeated in bold, followed by my answer.
1. Do you have standards that a potential partner MUST meet and if so what are they?
Honesty and "genuineness" are key. Intellect is a must.
Generally, our partner's core values, or their life goals, must be a decent fit with ours (e.g. a backpacking outdoorsy ENFP would likely not last long with a chess-playing, tanned-only-by-the-computer-monitor INTJ; atheist INTJs will not put up with religious women; and similar).
We need our alone time to recharge. Not a want, but a literal need. If you insist on dragging us out to "meet your circle" be sure to have us back home by 11 PM so we can dive into a book or a computer and recover properly.
2. Can your feelings for someone change as they mature or as you get to know them more?
Tricky question, depends on how you mean it.
INTJs are famous for leading with their Ni -- which, together with Te, causes us to take in situations or people at a glance and categorize them.
Experienced INTJs can be good at this, immature ones can be a royal pain, because they insist they're right, even after being proven wrong...
So your INTJ, *if* he reciprocates your interest, and is pursuing you, has likely plumbed your depths emotionally or socially or values-wise, to make sure you are up to snuff, and he does not foresee any deal-breakers, or anything that is likely to turn *into* a deal-breaker, either.
But -- if something comes up which was unforeseen, and it is, you know, *that* important, they may fade out (if they are tender hearted) or pull one of their infamous INTJ doorslams. (Sorry!)
3. Are any of you NOT into ENFPs? (Objectively because I know type isn't everything)
I had a couple of them flirt with me online, I guess, but I'm not a good INTJ to ask, since I'm already married.
4. For guys specifically, how can a girl steal your heart? ( Don't say I shouldn't want to, because I do. You're cuddly teddy bears whether you like it or not)
First -- be cute.
Second -- be intellectually engaging, or interesting.
(sigh) Sorry, you might not like this, but Imma spell it out.
The way to an INTJ man's heart is through his brain. There are two ways to do this.
One is to be a brainiac yourself: if you are an expert on something the INTJ does not know, but still respects, you are granted "honorary human" status.
Another way is *sincere* interest in something the INTJ knows about -- INTJs have great BS detectors and can tell if you're faking it.
If you don't know about his topic, sure, go ahead and ask: but ask *intelligent* open ended questions, showing that you are trying to build your own take on things even while he's busy explaining to you.
The other way -- and this is by far the best for initial attraction -- is to use Ne to do seemingly-random subject changes -- think of one of those pieces of origami where the paper is folded into impossible shapes, each part of the shape is connected to the next by sharing an edge along a fold of the paper.
Your subjects should be like that -- something where you have to take a step back and look at the big picture, or the abstract, or word-puns, to see the jump to the next topic. INTJs will follow this around like a cat chasing a laser pointer -- your fellow NFPs, that is, the INFPs, tend to excel at this.
Loyalty is key too: the INTJ likes their alone time, but they can be like a cat sulking: just because your INTJ has stalked off into a corner and is busy kneading the sofa cushions with his hands (err, typing on a computer, that is...), that DOESN'T mean he doesn't want to see or hear from you.
He wants to know you're still thinking of him, he just doesn't want to have his train of thought interrupted for too long while you tell him.
5. How do you show attraction?
INTJs usually show attraction through (think love languages) "acts of service".
If an INTJ has the hots for you, you will find that they love to find ways to make your life easier...but if you're not already dating them, your INTJ will go to great lengths, to *disguise* his acts of service for you, either by doing the same thing for everyone within 12 square miles of you, but making yours just a *little* nicer, or by saying "it was something they were doing anyway, and they happened to notice that you...would you be able to use this?"
6. Does it typically take you a long time to make up your mind about your feelings for someone?
Seemingly forever, while we're in data-gathering mode about you. But once we've decided you're a possible romantic options...
well, INTJs are notorious pessimists. We're scared of confirming our worst fears by asking you out.
So it's not unusual for an INTJ to carry a torch for a girl for up to two or three years, but never make a move.
BUT -- should the unthinkable happen, and you somehow begin dating?
The INTJ can make up their mind about "LTR-->scope for marriage" in just a couple of months.
(Good luck peeling them off if you don't like them: they tend to be like superglue. Unfortunately, the only way to drive off an infatuated INTJ is to hurt them: by being obvious that you are permanently with someone else, and that the INTJ doesn't have a prayer even if they are the last man on earth.
If you *do* try this approach, be sure to avoid all the haunts the INTJ hangs out at -- or be prepared to face remorseful, sad-angry robot eyes capable of burning a hole through the door of a bank vault, locked on you for up to six months after the breakup.)
The best way to approach an INTJ is to establish yourself as a friendly presence; if they turn around and talk to you when they're on the computer, you are at *least* tolerated, likely a friend; possibly a romantic interest. (That last is confirmed if they randomly saunter by where you hang out, and attempt sarcastic conversations, or offer food, drink, or help.)
After they INTJ is used to you, and you have confirmed positive vibes from them, either a direct question "Would you hypothetically be open to the possibility of going on a date with me?"
The INTJ will give you a surprised "Yes" or go all thoughtful. Thoughtful *might* be the INTJ figuring out how to let you down gently, or it might be the INTJ panicking, as an actual girl asking *him* out is clearly too good to be true, there must be some mistake.
If he hems and haws, like he's embarrassed, or thinks it can't really be happening, light physical contact (touch on the arm, or lean over and kiss his nose) and saying, "So it's a date, then, meet you at XXX place at YYY o'clock" ought to seal the deal. Be prepared for at least one questioning text between the kiss and the time of the meet-up.
Good luck!
