[ENTJ] Non-bossy ENTJ?

[sincerelysasquatch]

Hey. I have been interested in the MBTI for a few months and as I do some self-analysis and discover new things about myself I am getting some new ideas about my MBTI, since I seem to get a different answer on different tests. I have, all of my life, very strongly considered myself an introvert. My therapists, everyone, has considered me an introvert. But after my husband, and our marriage counselor, commented that I am an extrovert, I realize more and more that they are absolutely right. Over the last year or so I have become incredibly extroverted.
I don't believe I was an introvert. I believe depression and social anxiety, which I have struggled with since a child and have only left me in the last year, caused me to avoid social interaction.

ANYWAYS. Through my current self-analysis and increasing understanding of MBTI, that would put me at an ENTJ. I feel the ENTJ profiles are spot-on... except that they focus so much on careers and leadership. I have never gotten above an entry-level position in a basic job, and I am never particularly interested in leadership. I would not be comfortable in it, I guess because I am very critical of myself in the work-place and have never had much confidence in my own work. But in other areas of my life I do not intentionally seek leadership, either. It is not something I actively want. However, I do tend to have a very dominant personality and I tend to call the shots, although it is not a goal of mine or intentional. It's just that often, I am going to do whatever I want to do unless it would be really rude or inconsiderate not to, and I tend not to follow others, and others tend to follow me. I notice I tend to attract quiet people who are kind of doormats or are uncomfortable in public, because when we go places they are more comfortable when they are with me and more confident, and I kind of am their medium to interacting with the social world. So I guess although I do not seek leadership, people who stick around tend to be people who benefit from my lead?

Another problem with the ENTJ profiles I have is it often seems to say is that they do not care about other peoples emotions. I do care about other peoples emotions if they are close to me, I just do not pick up on them well. My husband is, I believe, an INFP, and he is very affectionate and requires a lot of love communicated on a constant basis. He was recently upset that I do not respond very well to his random affection attempts throughout the day, to be honest I don't really know how to respond to them and I find them distracting if I am doing something else. So to resolve this we have set aside a time period every night for affection, a designated affection time. I feel a bit like some kind of robot wife having to do this, but. I do prioritize his emotions, and often I prioritize his feelings over my wants. If I want to do something but it will upset him, I do not do it. He does the same for me. Thankfully, this does not happen much.

Anyway, I was wondering if any other ENTJ's out there had issues with being profiled as bossy and insensitive? I have read threads about ENTJs being unpopular and when people complain about them it seems to be for these two reasons, but I believe having a "leading" personality doesn't necessarily mean you want to control others, and a tendency not to prioritize emotions ourselves in the thought process doesn't mean we aren't ignorant to the fact that emotions matter to our loved ones, right?

 

[JClassic]

Yes, I am always considered very bossy, dominant, with a " my way or the highway" attitude. The problem is, people in general don't like being told what to do. Naturally, people will follow an ENTJ no matter what, but will resent that your in command. Kind of like how people often resent their rich and domineering bosses but yet still follow. A good way to approach this is to fein that you relinquish your control, and instead of control people give them options, the cards you deal only. I noticed that ENTJ personality has to descend on someone else very gradually than they will accept.

But you should avoid others who are dominant as well, seek submissive friends and a submissive gf /bf. As far as you not caring about others emotion, its true you simply don't. This is not a bad thing, but a mature ENTJ will falsely empathize with others in order not to appear to be insensitive. But, if your an ENTJ man, know that women like jerks at least hot women do. Its sort of like a big "Neg" throughout courtship (negging is a technique in talking to beautiful women that works great).