Say you are having an issue with something and you have a quiet somewhat supportive roommate who you've been going on about this issue with. Suddenly he turns around and tells you to quit bitching or or solve the problem. What's your reaction?
Firstly I'd be surprised to have given someone cause to say that, since 99% of the time the FIRST thing I do is solve the problem and get precious little satisfaction out of talking about it unless it's with a view to solving it.
The reason I might talk about it prior to solving it might be to bounce it off someone else to see what they can come out with that I might not've thought of before. And also to figure things out and put them into perspective by seeing the reactions of the other person to what I say.
When I have a problem I usually start from a default position of thinking it's "just me", and that my feelings are probably irrational and unreasonable and best just rationalized away. If it gets to a point when I'm talking to someone about it, it's usually because I've been trying to rationalize it but it's not working, so I need to hear another person's view as to whether my feeling that this a) is a problem, b) needs to be addressed and c)
can be solved, is actually valid.
I've usually considered every perspective I can think of before I start to talk about it with another person, and am very well aware of the views, feelings and needs of other people involved in the issue. Those awarenesses have been what was holding me back from acting, because my tendency when balancing my emotional needs against those of others tends to be that if someone's gonna make the sacrifice and not be entirely happy with a situation, it's gonna be me because after all I'm the flexible one, I'm the one that can usually find a way to make most situations workable for me whilst others seem to have more particular needs.
So what I don't need is the other person telling me the other people's points of view, and replying to my expressions of my POV things like "but they're probably just feeling like..." and other excuses/whatever for the other people's behaviour. I've already considered all of that. What I'm wondering is whether there's any validity to
my point of view. That's what I need help with.
Until I can get some help with that, I'll hold back from acting and just keep trying to rationalize and flex around everyone else, no matter how much anger, resentment or frustration it causes me to have to keep on blocking and bottling up and ignoring. Cos the alternative is to risk creating a hoo-haa and get people changing things or whatever, on account of my feelings, which might not be valid/reasonable/rational. Which is anathema.
If I have completely driven my friend crazy to the point where they have had enough as you describe in the OP, and they actually say that, then I'd think it's time to close off the P functions and make like a J and say "Okay, quit looking for missing bits of info, it's time to act, it really is. Just make a fucking decision and let the chips fall where they may."
. But if you love him, it would be the right way. Did the thread starter love his entp ? guess not...
