[ENTP] ENTP: To hug or hit?

[The_Liquid_Laser]

Heh, I never know what to do with the hug thing. If you come at me with your arms open then I'll reciprocate. If you expect a hug without letting me know then you're going to be disappointed.

 

[digesthisickness]

That's interesting, actually. I'm kind of the exact opposite of that, with a caveat or two. I only touch people I like and respect. Period. If I don't like a person, I will go out of my way not to touch them. However, those that're close to me, I'm basically constantly touching. I've been rather offputting before because of it, in fact.

Then again, I also like biting people.

same here. i've had people lean in to hug me, and i've stopped them with a look and a very obvious step backwards that clearly implied, "yeah, that's not gonna happen."

asshole men who have gotten too friendly too early and touched me have been embarrassed in front of their friends by having me dramatically stop everything i'm doing and reply, "did i say you could touch me?"

however, with those i really like, even at work, i've been known to reach out and hug on a whim (ask ivy), even tackle from behind if that's how it's gotta be. i can't help it.

basically, it boils down to this: i want you to know, good, bad, or neutral, where you stand.

...

unless faking it is in my best interest, but i go way out of my way to make sure i end up in that spot as rarely as possible. i despise feeling fake.

 

[INA]

I give hugs freely! . . . if sometimes awkwardly.

 

[Domino]

I give hugs freely! . . . if sometimes awkwardly.

I'm glad to hear it. I'm glad not everyone is like me.

I don't hug people a lot, I'm kinda standoffish, but I appreciate those friends of mine who are brave enough to break through to me and hug me anyway.

If I've got my arms around someone, it's really important. If I'm seeking out arms, it's really important. We saw this show once about tiger cubs, and one cub was pretty belligerent and getting into everything. His handler was a patient person. One day the cub almost gets bitten by an adult, and immediately the cub retreated to his safe person, his handler, pushes his face against his handler's face and chest, seeking reassurance after that bad scare. My sister says that's like me.

My ENFP sister is contrastingly demonstrative; she hugs me frequently and I have her to thank for keeping me human in that way.

 

[runvardh]

Ah, hugs... If I don't know the person likes them they tend to need to initiate it with me. I'm also stiff for the first second then manage to relax... I like them too though.

 

[Domino]

Ah, hugs... If I don't know the person likes them they tend to need to initiate it with me. I'm also stiff for the first second then manage to relax... I like them too though.

I tend to take physical contact as highly personal.

Aside from just your average goofing around or poking or whatever, anything protracted, like a hug, works powerfully on my Fe, and I get overwhelmed, for better or worse.

When I was hospitalized, I exhaustedly laid my head in my ESFP friend's lap and wailed in frustration. She just sat there with her arms around me, stroking me and rocking until the storm passed by. The world doesn't intimidate her. I needed her to shield me for a little while. That's what got me through the first shock.

I remember a story this hunter told once. He was out in a field somewhere and this deer comes busting through the treeline, clearly distressed and run off it's legs. He said he could hear dogs baying and barking behind her. She stopped in the field in front of him, terrified of what was before and behind her. Finally, he said she came to him, and put her head on his chest, like "HELP ME...." He drove the dogs away, and she calmly left.

I guess we're all animals.

 

[digesthisickness]

i didn't know you guys were ENTPs.

 

[Domino]

i didn't know you guys were ENTPs.

Point taken. We're clogging up the thread, Run!

 

[alcea rosea]

As I wrote in another thread, ENTP's start hugging when drunk. They come out of nowhere and strike. You never have enough time to hide from their attack. I't traumatic and leaves you wondering what the heck happened.

 

[digesthisickness]

As I wrote in another thread, ENTP's start hugging when drunk. They come out of nowhere and strike. You never have enough time to hide from their attack. I't traumatic and leaves you wondering what the heck happened.

one, in all fairness, everyone does that.

two, i'm just as likely to dropkick someone in the throat when i'm drunk.

three, i'm just as likely to traumatize others with my love while sober.

and with that, this test isn't valid.

 

[Shadowrose]

As I wrote in another thread, ENTP's start hugging when drunk. They come out of nowhere and strike. You never have enough time to hide from their attack. I't traumatic and leaves you wondering what the heck happened.

I'm one of two kinds of drunk. I'm either -extremely- friendly, like making out with one of my best friends in the middle of the bar friendly, or I'm a horribly sad, depressing drunk. It's kind of a crapshoot. Anywho, that kind of affection is basically commonplace with me, drunk or otherwise. ^_^

Also, I think I just kind of ignore people I don't like when I'm drunk. I've never noticed myself being annoyed while a bit soused.. so either I avoid them, they run away, or I ignore them. I'm not real sure which.

 

[Samuel De Mazarin]

The best way to interact with me (one ENTP, so I'm not necessarily generalizing here):

1) Don't bullshit me. Just because I'm not an inherent Feeler doesn't mean I can't sense the vibe in a given social situation or how someone else's mood or attitudes are shifting in accordance with their interaction with me. I'm usually very good at telling whether or not someone is humoring me or genuinely interested in my company and conversation. If someone is laying on the bullshit without being transparent (meaning, if we're not both in on a joke) I will become defensive and suspicious of motives. For instance, I hate it when someone patronizes me by agreeing with something I've said merely in order to avoid an argument or to ingratiate him/herself with me, and I can almost always tell when that's the case (face-to-face; internet forums are a different matter).

2) The Place of Argument: many people have picked up on how ENTP's like to argue. Well, there are many caveats here. I enjoy arguments as long as the opposition doesn't get shrill or launch into ad hominems. This might, in fact, be an appropriate time to gesture towards the important difference between an argument and a debate, where I'm provisionally defining "argument" as debate injected with vitriol and a loss of emotional control. So I prefer to debate. That doesn't mean the debate can't be passionate, but I'd rather not have to deal with someone who's quivering with rage at my presumption or butting in every two seconds to argue a half-uttered point. I'm more than happy to admit I'm wrong or, at the very least, concede that I've got a long way to go to providing defeaters for certain points someone has made, as long as the good humor of the situation is not lost. In this ideal sort of debate (I've had many, thankfully), I am able to gauge a lot about a person, his/her ideals, his/her spirit, his/her cogency and coherence of thought, his/her passions. Debate is, ultimately, my favorite way of getting to know someone.

So, 1+2 = 3) Therefore, if you Don't Bullshit me and are able to have a decent argument (viz. debate), I will like you even if you don't agree with me! A healthy respect can evolve from a deftly-danced debating session. I'd rather be respected for losing a hard-won debate than given the impression of respect because someone lay supine to my less-than well-formed arguments.

____________________________________________

In general, I won't appreciate someone instantaneously getting in my face as a challenge. I don't typically do that to other people. I let the relationship progress a few stages beyond the handshake, such as indulging in the pleasantries of getting to know where the other person is from, where they went to school, what's his/her favorite book, what he/she thinks about the role of career in defining one's personality/personhood.

Physicality: even with attractive women, I'm not big into physicality early on in a relationship, whether Platonic or not. I have to decide that I like you. Having someone I'm not decided on embrace me on our fourth meet-up is having my personal space invaded. Allow the dynamics of the relationship to reveal whether or not I'm ready for that. For me, around the same time that I feel like spontaneously calling someone up for a phone chat (and not merely to organize a coffee date) is when I'm ready to start hugging or doling out kisses on the cheek.

 

[alcea rosea]

I wasn't too serious with my ENTP's hug when drunk posts. It's just something that happened to me once and made me like .

 

[Domino]

I wasn't too serious with my ENTP's hug when drunk posts. It's just something that happened to me once and made me like .

The only person who's ever drunk dialed me (repeatedly) is an ENTP. lol Make of that what you will.

Well, wait. Then there's Taco. (But ENFJ guys are certifiable. He was midnight tracer golfing, drinking, driving the cart too fast and being chased by geese while shouting something about being the Highlander.)

 

[ygolo]

I generally like having ENTP coworkers. They are really the only types that consistently cut through the corporate B.S. But even they have limits before they leave and do theur own thing. Other NT can be outspoken from time-to-time, and many SP's will criticise superiors openly, but often only after the flood gates are open. Most SJs and NFs seem to find this sort of activity as unseemly, not a necessity. But, these are, again, just stereotypes.

INTx often have mentally checked-out and are phoning-in work after a few years, so not providing the role that NTs usually fill well.

xNTJs tend be the ones who either leave and start their own thing, or brown-nose their way to the top, and want to keep the corporate B.S. as a sheild.

 

[Fuent]

So I’ve noticed in some of my interactions with (immature) ENTPs that the nicer I am the more abrasive and shocking they appear to be but once I get a little nasty they respect what I’m saying and are more co-operative, is this the case?

What is the best way to make an ENTP stop and reassess their actions when they are out of line?

Don't put up with their bullshit. Tell them what's pissing you off and why. Tell them that you know they're just trying to get reactions out of people.

 

[Fuent]

I generally like having ENTP coworkers. They are really the only types that consistently cut through the corporate B.S. But even they have limits before they leave and do theur own thing. Other NT can be outspoken from time-to-time, and many SP's will criticise superiors openly, but often only after the flood gates are open. Most SJs and NFs seem to find this sort of activity as unseemly, not a necessity. But, these are, again, just stereotypes.

INTx often have mentally checked-out and are phoning-in work after a few years, so not providing the role that NTs usually fill well.

xNTJs tend be the ones who either leave and start their own thing, or brown-nose their way to the top, and want to keep the corporate B.S. as a sheild.

Makes sense.

 

[digesthisickness]

Tell them that you know they're just trying to get reactions out of people.

that's horrible advice.

 

[substitute]

Don't put up with their bullshit. Tell them what's pissing you off and why. Tell them that you know they're just trying to get reactions out of people.

See, this is why I said INTJ's are the type that scare me, though not in a genuinely afraid, bad way but rather in a thrilling, addictive 'gimme more!' way.

Said it before and I'll say it again - the only one that can really needle Q is Picard. ENTP/INTJ. Meant to be.

Notice, it won't make the ENTP shut up though. Cos we know we're trying to get reactions, that's all about how we work, sizing up the world by theorizing (Ti) and then throwing out the results of the theorizing to the cosmos to see what it comes back as (Ne), thereby again allowing Ti to make sense of what comes back, throw it back out to see if we've got it right, and the process goes on.

If you say I'm just trying to get a reaction i won't deny it (but I used to! lol). But I will deny that I'm doing it for attention, which I know is what you're implying. I'm not. I'm trying to get reactions so I can figure out the universe around me. If you can and will explain your reaction rather than just 'have' it and leave me to guess what about what I did was wrong and how to adapt, you're like gold dust to me.

You'll find that the INTJ's tearse "tellings-off" can give an impression of whipping the ENTP into shape. But in fact, it's just that the ENTP really just wanted to get along with the INTJ and understand them, like we do with everyone. The INTJ just gave the most useful information with the least ambiguity, so the ENTP was able to adapt to him and understand him the most quickly. Though sometimes, depending on the maturity level of all concerned, it could just end up with the ENTP prodding the INTJ even harder and laughing his ass off as the INTJ gets all flustered and annoyed.

I've worked closely with an INTJ for many years and when we first met I knew he found me annoying and we used to often argue. But it only took about four months before we were working as though with one mind and we've both often said how we don't know what we'd do without each other sometimes, now, both when working and in our personal lives, as friends.

 

[digesthisickness]

that's where we differ, sub. 90% of the time, i don't consciously try to get reactions. it may be what i'm doing, but it's not usually done with forethought. i don't think to myself, "i'm going to poke this person and see what they do. 'cause i'm all into 'shock value'!" it just... happens. (and that'd seem really stupid if done just for that reason. i'd feel like the guy in class who tries to be funny (but isn't) just to get attention, and then i'd kill myself out of principle).

i don't care what a person's type is. if someone says "i know what you're doing/thinking/etc.", then what was most probably a problem that could have very easily been solved by just mentioning it would turn into an entirely new and much more real problem.

unless i'm attracted to them; that's different. i'd use that remark as a jumping off point to see where it went, but if it turned out that they're seriously that full of themselves, then forget it.