[INTP] Communication issues

[ginniebean]

Of late I'm becoming more and more frustrated in situations where I'm speaking with others. I'm told I'm vague and not straight forward, that if I assume or guess at what someone is meaning that I need to fix these problems. To me, I'm not vague and I'm straight forward. My method of asking for clarification is too vague because I'll use a short hand.

And on the flip side of the coin, I'll say something factual with someone else, and they'll make assumptions about my feelings about these things. "you must be depressed if you've tried everything and are now giving up"


So I'm in a bind here with the ISFJ friend I'm too vague and jumping to conclusions and not just listening for a very straightforward no undertones method.

And on the other hand my other INFP friend makes assumptions and doesn't take what i say in a straight forward way meaning the conversation I start is derailed for often over an hour as I walk thru my reasoning, and all the torturous advice on how I can fix what I've already decided to abandon because clearly the problem is some deep seated issue that will happen every where when that's not been the case prior.

So I have someone saying to me "take what I say at face value" and I have me saying "take what I say at face value" and arghhh so frustrating!

Has anyone else experienced this?




I love my friends dearly, abandoning them is not an option.

 

[renaiziphonts]

As an INFP, I can be held solely responsible (as can all INFPs) for derailing conversations, but I think I understand what you mean. I think.
If you are saying that some people want you to be more logical and orderful in conversation, but you feel like you already are,
and some people think you are hiding emotional cues in what you say, when you don't,
then here's all I can really say to help.

Possibly your not recognizing how other people hear you, and that complicated form of empathy could be difficult to do, so try thinking about your words in retrospect and thinking about what you could have said better.

It's a kind of irritating exercise sometimes, but it might help. Other than that, just be yourself.

 

[Froody Blue Gem]

I can be pretty vague too. I have an idea of something in my head, but I may leave out certain details. Or I may use the wrong word in a certain place and I have to go back and say "maybe that's not the word I was looking for." It's not intentionally trying to be cryptic, but I may fail to mention something. Or I may explain something in a certain way, and I have to keep on rewording it because it doesn't quite match the idea that I had in my head, or people don't understand it as I meant it.

Conversing a lot can be pretty draining, so I may get shorter with people if I've been interacting for a certain amount of time. Or if I need time to recharge and people start conversing with me, my words may come out more incoherent than intended. Sometimes, people make assumptions about how I'm feeling, or put words in my mouth when my actual thoughts or feelings may actually differ from what they project onto me. It takes time for me to process my thoughts and feelings and people projecting things just throws everything at a complete 180.