[INTP] INTP x INTP intense chemistry? Very intellectual, affinity for long distance?

[skgarcia]

Hi everyone!

I was just wanting some new, refreshed opinions on INTP x INTP relationships. I know there are a few threads on this topic elsewhere, but I've read them all and would like some new opinions.

First -- what is with our personality type and a preference for long distance relationships? I am an attractive, college-educated 22 year old INTP female. I love video games, strategy games in particular. I have only ever been in love (that was actually ignited with true chemistry) once; I met him on World of Warcraft and I traveled 8 hours regularly to see him--we dated for years. He was also an INTP (strong dark triad personality). My most recent relationship, not quite official but also charged with chemistry, is a friend I never met in person, is native to my home area, but just moved to Colorado. I'm going to visit him in early April. I can't help but notice the two men I've ever felt true chemistry with, as in "electric" emotions and true, sincere laughter, have been not from my area. Any idea why? Is it our preference for intelligence--an attribute easily projected through the written or typed word?

Secondly, why do I consistently find myself drawn to highly creative, INTP men? Any ideas? Is this normal or common for INTP women? I've done plenty of research, and although INTP x INTP relationships have popped up here and there, it really isn't the predominant type listed for successful INTP relationships. However, I have no doubt these two men share common characteristics. They are both VERY intelligent, absolutely total loners (I score in the 90th percentile for introversion), very witty and hilarious; with both men I can dive deep into 15-minute-long witty banter (through text). Incredibly creative and quick. It takes a sharp mind to engage in 10-15 minute witty banter. I'm very, very sharp for a woman and the only two men that could ever hang with me intellectually and continue to make me laugh in this way are these two INTP men.

Third, I've realized my new relationship has even stronger characteristics of the dark triad personality than my first. He's incredibly attractive; the stereotypical "guy everyone in the zip code wanted but he never dated anyone" type person. He has only had one serious relationship and he is 27. However, like I said, we are both physically attractive--he's been with many women sexually, never dated any of them. Does anyone have any idea why I am attracted to this dark triad personality I'm seeing over and over again? Is this a common condition for INTP males? I find I'm attracted to very dominant, intelligent, and aggressive men. It almost pains me to type that. I don't understand why.

Any insight or comments would be greatly appreciated, and thank you so much!

 

[Alea_iacta_est]

Identity relationships are assumed to be pretty healthy, as there is mutual understanding of each others' psychological mechanisms. The problem arises when one partner surpasses the other in terms of any expertise, especially with the mentally competitive Rationals.

Truthfully however, type doesn't dictate who you should love in life, and it should not be used to calculate optimum matches. Though I will say that in Socionics it would be highly impossible to establish a stable, endearing, relationship with Supervisors and Conflictors.

Also, to be honest, the person you are describing sounds ISTP-ish, but that's from my perception of your description.

 

[skgarcia]

Also, to be honest, the person you are describing sounds ISTP-ish.

What makes you say that?

I've been aware of my type for many years, and I've come to think of myself as a "pro" at identifying types in the wild. This man also played War of Warcraft, Age of Empires, Counterstrike, etc. the same strategy games I was addicted to as a child. He only respects and enjoys people who challenge him intellectually. I have absolutely no doubt, in any aspect, that he is intuitive. He's a writer, poet; he reads in his free time religiously as do I. He is an even more spitting image of an INTP than my first boyfriend.

In fact, I dare say, I am BEST at spotting intuitives over sensory people. Extroverts and introverts, although somewhat simple to spot in theory, I cannot "see" with such confident accuracy. However, as a very intelligent woman, I can spot intuitives without fail. He is an INTP, in my opinion, confidently.

 

[Alea_iacta_est]

What makes you say that?

I've been aware of my type for many years, and I've come to think of myself as a "pro" at identifying types in the wild. This man also played War of Warcraft, Age of Empires, Counterstrike, etc. the same strategy games I was addicted to as a child. He only respects and enjoys people who challenge him intellectually. I have absolutely no doubt, in any aspect, that he is intuitive. He's a writer, poet; he reads in his free time religiously as do I. He is an even more spitting image of an INTP as my first boyfriend.

Usually one does not see "Dark Triad" associated with an INTP, nor do you see "aggressive" or "dominant" really. (This is in reference to the person in the third paragraph) It's possible, but it doesn't seem right to me (pardon my introverted intuition) at first glance.

Don't make the assumption that ISTPs are lacking in intuition either. In fact, ISTP's tertiary function is Ni, which in the case of some really intelligent ISTPs, means they can sometimes use Ni better than some actual Ni dominants.

 

[cafe]

It seems like a combo that could work very well. I'm not an INTP, but I am attracted to them. My own is intelligent but not at all dominant or aggressive. He is very stubborn when something matters to him, but otherwise pretty live and let live, passive, even. I don't normally associate dominance and aggression with INTPs, so I am interested to learn if this is more common than I realized.

 

[skgarcia]

Usually one does not see "Dark Triad" associated with an INTP, nor do you see "aggressive" or "dominant" really. (This is in reference to the person in the third paragraph) It's possible, but it doesn't seem right to me (pardon my introverted intuition) at first glance.

Don't make the assumption that ISTPs are lacking in intuition either. In fact, ISTP's tertiary function is Ni, which in the case of some really intelligent ISTPs, means they can sometimes use Ni better than some actual Ni dominants.

On several typology websites I have seen "in touch with the dark side" listed as a descriptor for INTP personalities. The way he can feel our conversations and move with grace through every single interaction--video chat and text messages combined--I still feel he is an INTP. He just said to me tonight that his last relationship ended because he did not feel intellectually stimulated. I find it hard to believe any sensory type would end an otherwise good relationship over this? To be honest, I believe he is smarter than I am--and my IQ is somewhere around 130. I'm not saying any sensory type can't have an IQ this high, but it seems less probable to me than an intuitive type having an IQ in the gifted range.

My first boyfriend is a confirmed INTP; he took the test 6 months into our relationship. Their personalities are practically identical, however, my most recent man is much, much more confident. Like I said, he fits the more stereotypical description of attractive, so he has a confidence and charisma about him my first did not. Is this confidence not normal for INTP men? I realize it may not be normal for INTP men to be highly, incredibly physically attractive; is this why? Perhaps his unusual physical attractiveness gives him the aura of confidence and dominance not normally associated with INTPs?

 

[skgarcia]

It seems like a combo that could work very well. I'm not an INTP, but I am attracted to them. My own is intelligent but not at all dominant or aggressive. He is very stubborn when something matters to him, but otherwise pretty live and let live, passive, even. I don't normally associate dominance and aggression with INTPs, so I am interested to learn if this is more common than I realized.

I am not at all aggressive or dominant either. He is definitely the dominant force in the relationship, however, I can say with confidence we "like" each other on the same level. He is just dominant.

 

[Alea_iacta_est]

On several typology websites I have seen "in touch with the dark side" listed as a descriptor for INTP personalities. The way he can feel our conversations and move with grace through every single interaction--video chat and text messages combined--I still feel he is an INTP.

My first boyfriend is a confirmed INTP; he took the test 6 months into our relationship. Their personalities are practically identical, however, my most recent man is much, much more confident. Like I said, he fits the more stereotypical description of attractive, so he has a confidence and charisma about him my first did not. Is this confidence not normal for INTP men? I realize it may not be normal for INTP men to be highly, incredibly physically attractive; is this why?

INTPs are socially unconfident typically, as there is an inferiority complex surrounding anima/animus Fe* that needs to be nurtured by Fe-valuing types. Intellectually, however, they should be confident in regards to their subjective technical knowledge (i.e., knowing how things work, Ti lead). Charisma is also somewhat shaky, as INTPs are generally emotionally stolid and regarded as "Phlegmatic" in some theories involving temperament.

The Tests are based on dichotomies, which can cause a steep amount of mistypes. To determine one's actual psychological type, one must venture into Jungian Cognitive Functions. I for instance, test in dichotomies as INTP, but I do not use Ti as my dominant function, and in fact prefer its opposite attitude, Te for auxiliary and Ni for dominant.

No, physical attractiveness has no correlation to type, despite claims on V.I., I was basing it off of general demeanor.

*While the ISTP also possesses Fe inferior, Se helps orient them in terms of social standings and grounds them to create a more confident and highly rational personality in social gatherings.

 

[Alea_iacta_est]

On several typology websites I have seen "in touch with the dark side" listed as a descriptor for INTP personalities. The way he can feel our conversations and move with grace through every single interaction--video chat and text messages combined--I still feel he is an INTP. He just said to me tonight that his last relationship ended because he did not feel intellectually stimulated. I find it hard to believe any sensory type would end an otherwise good relationship over this? To be honest, I believe he is smarter than I am--and my IQ is somewhere around 130. I'm not saying any sensory type can't have an IQ this high, but it seems less probable to me than an intuitive type having an IQ in the gifted range.

My first boyfriend is a confirmed INTP; he took the test 6 months into our relationship. Their personalities are practically identical, however, my most recent man is much, much more confident. Like I said, he fits the more stereotypical description of attractive, so he has a confidence and charisma about him my first did not. Is this confidence not normal for INTP men? I realize it may not be normal for INTP men to be highly, incredibly physically attractive; is this why? Perhaps his unusual physical attractiveness gives him the aura of confidence and dominance not normally associated with INTPs?

IQ also does not correlate strongly with type, even though intuitives have a keener sense for patterns. It might be interesting to note that the person with the highest official IQ right now is generally considered to be an ISTP (Ti + Ni is a formidable mechanism).

 

[skgarcia]

INTPs are socially unconfident typically, as there is an inferiority complex surrounding anima/animus Fe* that needs to be nurtured by Fe-valuing types. Intellectually, however, they should be confident in regards to their subjective technical knowledge (i.e., knowing how things work, Ti lead). Charisma is also somewhat shaky, as INTPs are generally emotionally stolid and regarded as "Phlegmatic" in some theories involving temperament.

The Tests are based on dichotomies, which can cause a steep amount of mistypes. To determine one's actual psychological type, one must venture into Jungian Cognitive Functions. I for instance, test in dichotomies as INTP, but I do not use Ti as my dominant function, and in fact prefer its opposite attitude, Te for auxiliary and Ni for dominant.

No, physical attractiveness has no correlation to type, despite claims on V.I., I was basing it off of general demeanor.

*While the ISTP also possesses Fe inferior, Se helps orient them in terms of social standings and grounds them to create a more confident and highly rational personality in social gatherings.

But can one's physical attractiveness not affect their demeanor? This man is truly beautiful. He is incredibly intelligent and funny. He is literally at the number one position in terms of "mate value." I do think this would affect one's personality. Tall, facially attractive, gifted intelligent, witty and hilarious sense of humor--would this not place him at the top? Even an INTP at the top of social hierarchies would display social confidence?

 

[cafe]

I am not at all aggressive or dominant either. He is definitely the dominant force in the relationship, however, I can say with confidence we "like" each other on the same level. He is just dominant.

Things tend to work out that way, one way or another. I'm an introverted, soft-spoken, gentle NF irl, but I'm the dominant one. I adore him and want to please him. That often means taking charge of stuff so he doesn't have to. He really just wants to be left alone most of the time.

 

[Alea_iacta_est]

But can one's physical attractiveness not affect their demeanor? This man is truly beautiful. He is incredibly intelligent and funny. He is literally at the number one position in terms of "mate value." I do think this would affect one's personality. Tall, facially attractive, gifted intelligent, witty and hilarious sense of humor--would this not place him at the top? Even an INTP at the top of social hierarchies would display social confidence?

Physical beauty should not affect ones' demeanor. I don't doubt his position at the top for you, and I will side with your typing of him due to a lack of substantial evidence to support my insight to appeal to the person with more information on the subject. Even though you are utilizing the more archaic and unreliable dichotomy based method.

In regards to the actual purpose of this thread, your relationship should work out fine.

 

[skgarcia]

Physical beauty should not affect ones' demeanor. I don't doubt his position at the top for you, and I will side with your typing of him due to a lack of substantial evidence to support my insight to appeal to the person with more information on the subject. Even though you are utilizing the more archaic and unreliable dichotomy based method.

In regards to the actual purpose of this thread, your relationship should work out fine.

Thank you. I feel almost hypocritical in acceptance of your opinion--as I so intensely disagreed with your typology comments. However, in light of the true question of my post, thank you.

 

[Alea_iacta_est]

Thank you. I feel almost hypocritical in acceptance of your opinion--as I so intensely disagreed with your typology comments. However, in light of the true question of my post, thank you.

On what grounds do you disagree with?

 

[skgarcia]

I feel very confident that this man is an N. He is very smart, values intelligence, has a quirky sense of humor and demeanor, very "in tune" with me. Far-fetched ideas, abstract thought, metaphorical speech. He enjoys the exact same video games I and my INTP ex enjoyed. Same wit, same deep-seated "disgusted" attitude with society as a whole. Non-conformist. Total loner. Won't answer the phone for anyone nor never calls anyone. Idealistic. Says "what if." Dreamy. Thoughtful, creative, aloof, hard to get close to. Total INTP.

The only reason I bring up the point that physical looks could perhaps alter ones demeanor is because INTPs are known for social awkwardness and hesitation. However, I am a confirmed INTP but am pretty gregarious in social situations; I am jovial, upbeat, enthusiastic and (in my biased opinion) pretty fun to be around. I know this behavior is unusual for INTP types, but I am also a physically attractive woman. I have self confidence. Not arrogant, but just enough confidence to radiate kindness and a lack of hesitation. He's also the same way. He is physically attractive, so is also socially capable and frankly, quite experienced. In essence, our looks make both of us somewhat unusual INTPs--we are not hesitant or second guessing in social situations. I do not seek others or wish to spend time with them on MY time, but if I am in a situation (work related, for example) where I must interact with others I am gregarious and fun. I believe he is charismatic and confident for the same reasons I am. When you get hit on all day, everywhere you go, being an intensely introverted NT is exhausting. With constant, unavoidable, and draining social practice, comes finesse.