[INTJ] INTJs and tacit affection

[Opal]

I dug 15 pages into the NT threads and didn't find an appropriate place to drop this. I keep retyping myself, but invariably the remark at 6:37 rings true. I remember multiple times in the last several years when I had to explain that my presence is a compliment in and of itself, that because we're friends (or potentially more) I look twice at them.

Anyone else relate or find this enraging?

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

I dug 15 pages into the NT threads and didn't find an appropriate place to drop this. I keep retyping myself, but invariably the remark at 6:37 rings true. I remember multiple times in the last several years when I had to explain that my presence is a compliment in and of itself, that because we're friends (or potentially more) I look twice at them.

Anyone else relate or find this enraging?

Absolutely. I've tried to explain that to my ISFP wife. I still don't think she completely understands though.

I'm generally not a very touchy-feely person at all, so I really have a problem with people wanting to touch me. There's an older woman where I work who is always flirting with me. She came up behind me once and tickled my back and I immediately tensed up and nearly spilled my coffee.

When I was about 14 I brought my ESFJ father to tears when I got mad at him for touching me. I think it was something trivial like a pat on the back or a quick headrub, but it caught me off guard because it came from behind while I was doing dishes. I used to think something was wrong with me for being this way, because most people are not like this.

Edit: I laughed because the way she suddenly and awkwardly ends the video so abruptly with "So yeah, thanks, bye" seemed like a classic INTP maneuver.

 

[Opal]

Absolutely. I've tried to explain that to my ISFP wife. I still don't think she completely understands though.

I'm generally not a very touchy-feely person at all, so I really have a problem with people wanting to touch me. There's an older woman where I work who is always flirting with me. She came up behind me once and tickled my back and I immediately tensed up and nearly spilled my coffee.

When I was about 14 I brought my ESFJ father to tears when I got mad at him for touching me. I think it was something trivial like a pat on the back or a quick headrub, but it caught me off guard because it came from behind while I was doing dishes. I used to think something was wrong with me for being this way, because most people are not like this.

Edit: I laughed because the way she suddenly and awkwardly ends the video so abruptly with "So yeah, thanks, bye" seemed like a classic INTP maneuver.

Oh man, I can picture the scene with your coworker. Props on not spilling your coffee. I would probably jokingly inhale angrily and reprimand her... after spilling my coffee.

I haven't accurately typed my father, maybe an ENTJ, but until a few years ago we never really physically interacted. It's strange--superficial, expected hugs and handshakes are fine, but any emotional background triples the size of my bubble.

Haha, I didn't watch it through before posting it. I love that about INTPs though, I find it very endearing.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

Oh man, I can picture the scene with your coworker. Props on not spilling your coffee. I would probably jokingly inhale angrily and reprimand her... after spilling my coffee.

I haven't accurately typed my father, maybe an ENTJ, but until a few years ago we never really physically interacted. It's strange--superficial, expected hugs and handshakes are fine, but any emotional background triples the size of my bubble.

Haha, I didn't watch it through before posting it. I love that about INTPs though, I find it very endearing.

I don't even particularly like handshakes. Fistbumps will suffice, if people must touch me

I could be wrong about my father's type. He's only tested once, and it was a Keirsey test. I'm very certain he's SJ, but he might be ESTJ, although his general dislike for having more than a few close friends could suggest ISTJ or ISFJ as well. However, the Keirsey and Myers Briggs descriptions for ESFJ do fit him very closely.

 

[Opal]

I don't even particularly like handshakes. Fistbumps will suffice, if people must touch me

I could be wrong about my father's type. He's only tested once, and it was a Keirsey test. I'm very certain he's SJ, but he might be ESTJ, although his general dislike for having more than a few close friends could suggest ISTJ or ISFJ as well. However, the Keirsey and Myers Briggs descriptions for ESFJ do fit him very closely.

Haha, you could just go with air-fives, make up reasons why your hands are dirty. To be fair, I hug someone roughly once every two months, so maybe my bubble is so obvious no one even tries. My response definitely depends on the nature of the touch, though; if it's a "good job bud!" pat on the back I'll probably have to close my eyes for a few seconds, but in parting with good friends I would be a little put-off if there were no physical gesture.

My father's difficult to type... I see Te and Ni, probably in that order (if I'm typing him relative to my INTJ supposition, at least). He's extremely charismatic but only keeps a few close friends. Probably a 369 if I had to guess.

 

[Coriolis]

I disagree with what the speaker says around 1:45, about INTJs arguing for a position they don't actually hold only to troll. Indeed, this can be a good way to make an idiot show his true colors, but this is hardly the only or even the most common motivation.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

I disagree with what the speaker says around 1:45, about INTJs arguing for a position they don't actually hold only to troll. Indeed, this can be a good way to make an idiot show his true colors, but this is hardly the only or even the most common motivation.

Agreed, and she should've made it clear that immature INTJs might do this. However the same is probably true for immature INTPs and especially for immature ENTPs

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

I disagree with what the speaker says around 1:45, about INTJs arguing for a position they don't actually hold only to troll. Indeed, this can be a good way to make an idiot show his true colors, but this is hardly the only or even the most common motivation.

Agreed, and she should've made it clear that immature INTJs might do this. However the same is probably true for immature INTPs and especially for immature ENTPs

 

[ndovjtjcaqidthi]

I disagree with what the speaker says around 1:45, about INTJs arguing for a position they don't actually hold only to troll. Indeed, this can be a good way to make an idiot show his true colors, but this is hardly the only or even the most common motivation.

I do this occasionally.

It's a fun exercise.

 

[Opal]

I disagree with what the speaker says around 1:45, about INTJs arguing for a position they don't actually hold only to troll. Indeed, this can be a good way to make an idiot show his true colors, but this is hardly the only or even the most common motivation.

I did this mercilessly in early junior high... there was one girl who got me, but after she drifted away there wasn't much point.

If what you were getting at, though, is there are better motivations than "trolling" I think you're right.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

I do this occasionally.

It's a fun exercise.

you immature fucker.

j/k

I'd be lying if I said I've never done this. Usually on facebook.

 

[ndovjtjcaqidthi]

you immature fucker.

j/k

I'd be lying if I said I've never done this. Usually on facebook.

Heh.

Nice Floyd avi.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

I've always had a love/hate thing for Waters.

 

[ndovjtjcaqidthi]

I've always had a love/hate thing for Waters.

Ditto.

 

[grey_beard]

I disagree with what the speaker says around 1:45, about INTJs arguing for a position they don't actually hold only to troll. Indeed, this can be a good way to make an idiot show his true colors, but this is hardly the only or even the most common motivation.

Agreed. I don't think I've *ever* done that. Too inauthentic.

 

[Opal]

Agreed. I don't think I've *ever* done that. Too inauthentic.

I've only done it after giving up on constructive conversation...

 

[Zarathustra]

Wow...

That was actually an excellent video.

I think she nailed a whole bunch of very true things about our differences and non-differences.

Loved the bit at the end where she said the folk typology confidence and cleanliness claims are bs (cuz they are).

As for the tacit affection thing: yeah, it's extremely true for me.

If I choose to spend my leisure time with you, that's huge.

That's time I could otherwise spend with the most important person in my life: me.

I don't know how much that only applies to INTJs, tho.

I think a lot of introverts would say as much.

Oh, and fuck you people about it being immature to play devil's advocate.

I totally do this at times (albeit usually just to help show the person how they don't really know what they're talking about).

(And that sounded way meaner the way it came out... my point is that there's usually compassion behind it.)

(I'm not doing it -- at least not often -- to simply troll the other person, like an ENTP would)

(I have done that in the past, tho, and, frankly, the people probably deserved it.)

(Hmm... don't know how often I've really done it, tho...)

(And probably not since my early 20s...)

 

[Coriolis]

Oh, and fuck you people about it being immature to play devil's advocate.

I totally do this at times (albeit usually just to help show the person how they don't really know what they're talking about).

I often do this when I am truly undecided about an issue. I will pick the side I am tending to disagree with, to see how well I can defend it, and how well the other person can poke holes in it, thus supporting the position I tend to favor. There is no malice in this, or desire to make the other person look like a fool. Of course, plenty of people don't need any help to appear so.