A question for all the INTx ladies...

[Angry Ayrab]

Wowl ladies, thank you all for your honest input. I can rest assured now that I should not go after your type since you have already decided for me that I can't love you (manifested in the repeated no one can love me or what do they see in me phrase). Tiss sad, but I guess I shall endure, even though I bet it would have been a fun ride.

[Uytuun]

And the vicious cycle continues.

Prove us wrong. We're always open for other perspectives. :p

As an ExxP you probably have a statistically good chance of belonging to those few people that can totally swipe us of our feet anyway.

[colmena]

That's quite a damaging insecurity.

Certainly something that shouldn't be left to stagnate.

[Uytuun]

Maye it's got something to do with setting such high standards for ourselves in everything that we also want to be the perfect girlfriend? Looks, brains, blaa. The standard for the other person is much more realistic.

TBH, now that I'm back to my normal self, I rationally know that the whole nobody can love me routine is over the top, but that insecurity is still there. It doesn't manifest as normal insecurity, though and it's distorted by layers upon layers of rational attitude. And it contrasts starkly with the confidence we have outside of the interpersonal realm.

We're also still rational beings, though, so I would be very surprised if we really kept holding on to it in destructive ways when the other person's words and actions indicated otherwise. It's why we're so gooey if you wait long enough for the wall to go down. It's not like we turn into NFs, but we're still gooey and sensitive. :p

Speaking of NFs, their love style appeals to me in a way because it seems to be more accepting.

Maybe there should be a thread on this for INTx males.

[booyalab]

Another fun fact: Outrageous over-the-top flirting makes me cringe as I assume sex is the motivation but subtle flirting can go right over my head, seriously I can be oblivious

Same for me. So I guess I don't notice if any "cool guys" hit on me because obnoxious guys aren't cool.

[colmena]

Speaking of NFs, their love style appeals to me in a way because it seems to be more accepting.

I guess when you're attracted to and envious of the opposite, it's always going to make you feel inadequate. I guess an SF wouldn't feel this so bad, but it would be highly self-detrimental to an INTx.

[Uytuun]

What do you mean by the opposite in that sentence? I'm not incapable of accepting them.

I also don't feel inadequate or envious per se because my self-worth isn't generated in the context of intrapersonal stuff, it's what Trinity meant when she said it wasn't meant in a self-depricating way, I guess.

[colmena]

Maybe it's got something to do with setting such high standards for ourselves in everything that we also want to be the perfect girlfriend? Looks, brains, blaa. The standard for the other person is much more realistic.

The bane of not meeting your logically constructed ideal in the present. Although you are aware development is possible, the constant state of growth and transition is disorientating. I expect this is worse for Ps.

I rationally know that the whole nobody can love me routine is over the top. But that insecurity is still there. It doesn't manifest as normal insecurity, though; and it's distorted by layers upon layers of rational attitude. It also contrasts starkly with the confidence we have outside of the interpersonal realm.

I understand the sentences, but my brain can't put this paragraph together. 'interpersonal realm' through me right off.

We're also still rational beings, though, so I would be very surprised if we really kept holding on to it in destructive ways when the other person's words and actions indicated otherwise. It's why we're so gooey if you wait long enough for the wall to go down. It's not like we turn into NFs, but we're still gooey and sensitive. :p

My ideals trump my rationalization.

My Te trumps my Fi.

I'd rather the opposite were the case, or they actually worked together a little. That way, I could live my life.

[colmena]

What do you mean by the opposite in that sentence? I'm not incapable of accepting them.

T/F - opposites attracting..distant, romantic ideals etc.

I also don't feel inadequate or envious per se because my self-worth isn't generated in the context of intrapersonal stuff. It's what Trinity meant when she said it wasn't meant in a self-deprecating way, I guess.

Sorry. I'm projecting.

[Totenkindly]

The bane of not meeting your logically constructed ideal in the present. Although you are aware development is possible, the constant state of growth and transition is disorientating. I expect this is worse for Ps.

Hell, yes. (the open-ended thing hooked with endless imagination means you'll never reach your imagined ideal.) At times it is not just disorienting, but devastating.

(Which is funny, because often I feel much more forgiving of others. The best way around it, I have found, has been to say, "Look at how forgiving of others you are when they don't meet the ideal, if you know they can't do better at the time and if you know they really are trying. Now.... is it logical to treat yourself any differently or more harshly?")

I rationally know that the whole nobody can love me routine is over the top. But that insecurity is still there. It doesn't manifest as normal insecurity, though; and it's distorted by layers upon layers of rational attitude. It also contrasts starkly with the confidence we have outside of the interpersonal realm.

I understand the sentences, but my brain can't put this paragraph together. 'interpersonal realm' through me right off.

i took it to mean:

1. Thinking that I'm utterly unlovable is extreme/dramatic, the truth is far more moderate.
2. It doesn't mean I don't feel that way sometimes anyway, even if I know it's extreme.
3. however, that attitude often disguises itself to look differently, and the way I rationalize things helps cloak it further. often I realize it's there only because of the end-product of my thoughts and the behavior I indulge in... and I have to "be a detective" and work backwards to realize it's part of my foundational assumptions about myself.
4. The fact that I can feel and LOOK confident in areas outside the interpersonal (like academic matters, or creative matters, or something else related to my ability to use my head outside of relationships) also makes it harder for others to perceive that I consider myself fatally flawed in some way.