Wowl ladies, thank you all for your honest input. I can rest assured now that I should not go after your type since you have already decided for me that I can't love you (manifested in the repeated no one can love me or what do they see in me phrase). Tiss sad, but I guess I shall endure, even though I bet it would have been a fun ride.
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07-17-2008, 02:40 AM #41
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07-17-2008, 06:35 AM #42
And the vicious cycle continues.
Prove us wrong. We're always open for other perspectives. :p
As an ExxP you probably have a statistically good chance of belonging to those few people that can totally swipe us of our feet anyway.
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07-17-2008, 06:39 AM #43
That's quite a damaging insecurity.
Certainly something that shouldn't be left to stagnate.http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/6/68764.png
Ti Ne Fi Ni
-How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
-What are you talking about?
-Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
-Well, forget about him and get to bed.
-Yes, my dear.
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07-17-2008, 07:11 AM #44
Maye it's got something to do with setting such high standards for ourselves in everything that we also want to be the perfect girlfriend? Looks, brains, blaa. The standard for the other person is much more realistic.
TBH, now that I'm back to my normal self, I rationally know that the whole nobody can love me routine is over the top, but that insecurity is still there. It doesn't manifest as normal insecurity, though and it's distorted by layers upon layers of rational attitude. And it contrasts starkly with the confidence we have outside of the interpersonal realm.
We're also still rational beings, though, so I would be very surprised if we really kept holding on to it in destructive ways when the other person's words and actions indicated otherwise. It's why we're so gooey if you wait long enough for the wall to go down. It's not like we turn into NFs, but we're still gooey and sensitive. :p
Speaking of NFs, their love style appeals to me in a way because it seems to be more accepting.
Maybe there should be a thread on this for INTx males.
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07-17-2008, 07:55 AM #45
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07-17-2008, 08:49 AM #46http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/6/68764.png
Ti Ne Fi Ni
-How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
-What are you talking about?
-Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
-Well, forget about him and get to bed.
-Yes, my dear.
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07-17-2008, 08:58 AM #47
What do you mean by the opposite in that sentence? I'm not incapable of accepting them.
I also don't feel inadequate or envious per se because my self-worth isn't generated in the context of intrapersonal stuff, it's what Trinity meant when she said it wasn't meant in a self-depricating way, I guess.
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07-17-2008, 09:03 AM #48Maybe it's got something to do with setting such high standards for ourselves in everything that we also want to be the perfect girlfriend? Looks, brains, blaa. The standard for the other person is much more realistic.
I rationally know that the whole nobody can love me routine is over the top. But that insecurity is still there. It doesn't manifest as normal insecurity, though; and it's distorted by layers upon layers of rational attitude. It also contrasts starkly with the confidence we have outside of the interpersonal realm.
We're also still rational beings, though, so I would be very surprised if we really kept holding on to it in destructive ways when the other person's words and actions indicated otherwise. It's why we're so gooey if you wait long enough for the wall to go down. It's not like we turn into NFs, but we're still gooey and sensitive. :p
My Te trumps my Fi.
I'd rather the opposite were the case, or they actually worked together a little. That way, I could live my life.http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/6/68764.png
Ti Ne Fi Ni
-How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
-What are you talking about?
-Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
-Well, forget about him and get to bed.
-Yes, my dear.
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07-17-2008, 09:09 AM #49What do you mean by the opposite in that sentence? I'm not incapable of accepting them.
I also don't feel inadequate or envious per se because my self-worth isn't generated in the context of intrapersonal stuff. It's what Trinity meant when she said it wasn't meant in a self-deprecating way, I guess.http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/6/68764.png
Ti Ne Fi Ni
-How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
-What are you talking about?
-Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
-Well, forget about him and get to bed.
-Yes, my dear.
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07-17-2008, 09:21 AM #50
Hell, yes. (the open-ended thing hooked with endless imagination means you'll never reach your imagined ideal.) At times it is not just disorienting, but devastating.
(Which is funny, because often I feel much more forgiving of others. The best way around it, I have found, has been to say, "Look at how forgiving of others you are when they don't meet the ideal, if you know they can't do better at the time and if you know they really are trying. Now.... is it logical to treat yourself any differently or more harshly?")
I rationally know that the whole nobody can love me routine is over the top. But that insecurity is still there. It doesn't manifest as normal insecurity, though; and it's distorted by layers upon layers of rational attitude. It also contrasts starkly with the confidence we have outside of the interpersonal realm.
- Thinking that I'm utterly unlovable is extreme/dramatic, the truth is far more moderate.
- It doesn't mean I don't feel that way sometimes anyway, even if I know it's extreme.
- however, that attitude often disguises itself to look differently, and the way I rationalize things helps cloak it further. often I realize it's there only because of the end-product of my thoughts and the behavior I indulge in... and I have to "be a detective" and work backwards to realize it's part of my foundational assumptions about myself.
- The fact that I can feel and LOOK confident in areas outside the interpersonal (like academic matters, or creative matters, or something else related to my ability to use my head outside of relationships) also makes it harder for others to perceive that I consider myself fatally flawed in some way.
"Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"
“Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.†~ H.P. Lovecraft
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