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[INTP] How did you find friends that are similar to you?

mysavior

Permabanned
Joined
Sep 30, 2007
Messages
147
MBTI Type
IT
I'm just wondering, as I've always had acquaintances, but I've never really had more than one or two friends, period. Its a very rare thing for me to get around people that I can trust, and I've realized that I don't get along with most people; either I annoy them, or they annoy me.

I'm just wondering if this is normal and if not, then what's the deal?

I know INTP are quiet by nature, but do you get talkative and etc around friends? I noticed that I always feel pressure to be quiet and not to open up, because WHENEVER I do shit hits the fan, then splatters over my face.

Being so repressed over the years is making me more and more caustic, grumpy, and rude. Also, its making me (physically) ill bottling myself up like I am.

Is it a fear or something? Something cliche that is easy to fix?

And back to the original question: how did you find friends that are similar to you.

PS: I'm an INTP on a forum with alot of INTPs, and for some reason I feel like I have nothing in common with anyone. I don't get the sense that I fit in here at all, which is kinda weird. I'm more of a lurker, but I would've thought that on a forum with so many INTPs, my thoughts/reasoning would resonate, and that I would agree with atleast some of what gets talked about.

Is this a WTF?
 

miked277

New member
Joined
Aug 1, 2007
Messages
343
MBTI Type
INTP
as far as mbtic and intpc, the common theme for the most part is that we all enjoy the discussion that revolves around people and their types. there are further ways of categorizing the things we have in common but, that is it at it's most basic level. and from that common theme springs many friendships, relationships and the like.

i can't say for sure how much you enjoy all this stuff but if you think it's pretty meh then i'd imagine your interest in the topics being discussed and through that, the people, won't be very strong.

so to the main question, how to find people similar to you, the first step really is to figure out what interests you. if you like video games or hunting or biking or programming or art... whatever hobbies or other activities you like that can involve more than just you, those are the first and best places to start looking for friends.

at least that's been my experience thus far.
 

Simplexity

New member
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
1,741
MBTI Type
INTP
For some reason Ive always been friends with the really smart kids who dont achieve as well as they should have. which I guess makes sense since im sort of like that, but in general they're usually pretty funny in a cynical sort of way and at the same time intelligent enough where you can get a humorous serious discussion going.
 

Ander

New member
Joined
Jul 16, 2008
Messages
4
MBTI Type
ENTP
Well, I just found that certain people gravitated towards one another - the trick is learning how to be open to those gravitations. As someone who has always put people off with my quirkiness, a lot of it was just being out there and being relatively quiet, getting to know people, then showing them more of the quirky side. If they meet me and I'm quirky, then I'm the quirky kid. If we get to know one another and then I'm quirky, I'm their friend who is quirky.

College was great because there are many NFs and NTs. Now that I'm running around in something closer to the real world, I'm realizing the struggle involved with getting along with people of all different types.

But the trick is exposure. First strategic principle - break inertia. Go and talk to random people in random situations. Say hi. Be awkward. Who cares. You'll find that certain people will be weirded out and certain people will love it. I personally am moderately extroverted but love INTxs. It just pisses me off because its so hard to find them.

I think to be good at anything, you need to be willing to be bad at it first. Perhaps that's the secret to excellence, because how else do you learn.

At least that's my experience
 

Kristiana

New member
Joined
Dec 28, 2007
Messages
326
MBTI Type
INTJ
I found my husband, who is my best friend, on teh interweb. I also found several of my other close friends on it, too. One of them I met on an INTJ forum, the other on a Christian forum. So I think that seeking out others with similar beliefs and interests is a good idea. Also, you never know who you can meet through friends - my husband and I had a friend in common before we met.

I don't connect with most people on a very deep level, either. I'm able to get along with most, but getting along and truly connecting are two completely different things.
 

substitute

New member
Joined
May 27, 2007
Messages
4,601
MBTI Type
ENTP
The way I do it, I don't think would work for you, because I just have a much higher trust level of humanity in general. I don't look for people who are similar to me, I just look for people and talk to and listen to anyone and everyone. The wider you cast your net, the more likely you are to find what you want. But I pretty much 'want' them all. There are some I click with better than others, and I consider it worth every minute of suffering the idiots to get to them.

I don't consider meeting or knowing anyone to be a waste of time. Even if they're a total ass, they still come in handy for meeting other people through. And if I can get stuck with an ass occasionally, so can other brilliant, shiny people :alttongue:
 

Tallulah

Emerging
Joined
Feb 19, 2008
Messages
6,009
MBTI Type
INTP
I find I tend to compartmentalize with people. There just aren't that many people that I form deep connections with. I really don't like that about myself, but I don't think there's much point in self-loathing. Part of the thing is that if there's not an apparent way to connect to someone, I just don't have a lot of extra energy to dig around until I find something. Being around tons of people saps my energy.

The places where I've found the most connections are in online forums based on a common interest, in activities I like, like music and theatre, in my major department in college, etc. I find that outside of school, it's easiest to make online friends. I've met up with lots of folks I've met online.

I don't think you should expect to have a feeling of "coming home" when you're around other INTPs. I don't. I click with a few. I feel like we're similar beings in the ways we think, but it doesn't mean we're all soul-mates.
 

The Ü™

Permabanned
Joined
May 26, 2007
Messages
11,910
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
In your case, mysavior, I'd go to INTPc to answer your question.
 

Usehername

On a mission
Joined
May 30, 2007
Messages
3,794
At my school (grades 7 - 12) I got along with everyone in my grade (80something people in our year) but I always thought I was just more suited to male friendships, because all of my closest friends were male (but I did have a healthy amount of female friends mostly due to playing on the volleyball team).

About a year after I was introduced to MBTI (probably right when I learned about this forum) it suddenly dawned on me that though generally, being an IxTx female, male friendships came more naturally to me than female friendships, the reason all my closest friends were male was because that's where the Ns were in my grade. (INTP, ENFP, INFP males that I still hang out with.) All of my volleyball friends who were female were ESxP types.

Then, this past year in university, I met my best friend, an eNFJ female, through a Christian club on campus (we were both involved in different facets of running the club). I made everyone on the leadership team take the MBTI over the summer when we were e-mailing and organizing. She told me later she was fuming mad that she was forced into doing it but didn't want to cause ruffles with someone she hadn't met so she took the test and immediately ignored it.
I told her I now feel badly because I wonder if I would've made the effort to get to know her had I not known she was an ENFJ. She regularly assures me now that it would've happened sooner or later due to or regularly seeing and working with each other, but I still feel guilty about forming my best friendship I've had in my entire life through personality profiling. Regardless of type, we clicked, have a lot in common, a lot that we can balance each other with, and are both extremely thankful that we found each other.
 

01011010

New member
Joined
Jun 22, 2008
Messages
3,916
MBTI Type
INxJ
I went to an early college program at 15. There were 50 kids in the program. Most of them were similar to myself. I made a few life long friendships there. That has comprised my friend circle for the last 10 years.

If I'm able to have new genuine friendships, it will mostly be with like-minded individuals from the internet.
 

Ivy

Strongly Ambivalent
Joined
Apr 18, 2007
Messages
23,989
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6
I actually tend not to get along with people like me that well. I meet another me, and we both just wait for the other to initiate things. My most successful friendships have been with extroverts (or more social introverts), with a few exceptions.
 

Parabola

New member
Joined
Jul 16, 2008
Messages
9
MBTI Type
INTJ
I made everyone on the leadership team take the MBTI over the summer when we were e-mailing and organizing. She told me later she was fuming mad that she was forced into doing it but didn't want to cause ruffles with someone she hadn't met so she took the test and immediately ignored it.

Why would you *force* someone to take the MBTI? And secondly, why would they listen to you? I don't respond well when people try to force me to do anything.

But to answer the original question, most of my friends...ok, almost ALL of my friends...are either NFs or NTs. There's one exception who is an SJ. I met most of them at college. I have this habit of making friends with the most extroverted people around (usually the "life of the party" person), and then I always meet tons of people through them. Don't really know why, it just keeps happening that way.

As for why they are all Ns, I imagine it's because I'm a very strong INTJ, and other types just have a hard time connecting with me, or me with them. The exception is the ESTJ friend of mine, I think we connect on a T level.
 

Ilah

New member
Joined
Jul 13, 2008
Messages
274
MBTI Type
INTJ
For me playing D&D and other role playing games - the kinds with paper and pencil and dice, not computer - helped me to make friends. I also go to science fiction conventions and gaming conventions. I don't necessarily make friends there but I find it fairly easy to socialize with people in that situation.

Not only do I share hobbies and interests with them, it seems like many people who like role playing games and science fiction are also NTs. So we share both hobbies and personality types.

I also find it helps to make friendships with other people who are eccentric, even if they are not eccentric in the same way you are. There often seems to be an unspoken rule that you accept their quirks and don't poke fun and them and they do the same for you.

Ilah
 

INA

now! in shell form
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
3,195
MBTI Type
intp
I have not, exactly. We just accept that we are from different planets and enjoy that. Fun times.
 

murkrow

Branded with Satan
Joined
Jul 19, 2008
Messages
1,635
MBTI Type
INTJ
The simplest way to find people like you is to systematically determine the unworthiness of all people you encounter of your friendship, then when you find someone worthy engage them in deep conversation as often as possible.

Whenever you find yourself in a group of people you are unfamiliar with, bring up topics that are important to you, if people respond then you will be in your element and far better able to distinguish those you don't want to be friends with from those you do.

Do not mistake shared interests for compatibility.

Some people you meet would make fantastic friends but have very few shared interests with you, to feel them out bring up topics that everyone has some level of a connection with (take your pick from any of the sensitive topics). If you are able to bring up a worthwhile conversation then people will respond and reveal themselves to you.

INTJs should be able to do this quite easily due to their Te, INTPs might have a harder time with it.

I guess as an INTP who's unwilling to direct conversations you'll need to become very aware of the people around you and be able to spot the signs of a potential ally.
 

Mondo

Welcome to Sunnyside
Joined
Mar 1, 2008
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
EsTP
Enneagram
6w7
I try to be friends with everyone and put more effort into spending time with the people who interest me. It usually works. :yes: I'm good at finding similar interests with others- the thing I feared was that I seemed too nerdy to others. On the other hand, I never met an NT or NF who was intolerant of 'nerds'- so it is just like a force-field that makes many Sensors go away.
 

Mondo

Welcome to Sunnyside
Joined
Mar 1, 2008
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
EsTP
Enneagram
6w7
Nerd: Someone with highly academic/intellectual interests

I'm not sure if this is exactly how nerd is defined but that is how I defined it in my post.
 

murkrow

Branded with Satan
Joined
Jul 19, 2008
Messages
1,635
MBTI Type
INTJ
Oh, I thought it was someone with no social capabilities who feeds on poorly written fiction and knows scripts of TV shows by heart.

The guys who play their D&D characters' alignments to the word of the PHB.

What are those guys called?

I hate them.
 
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