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[NT] NTP's and long LASTING relationships

Are you a NTP and in a relationship?

  • I am a male NTP and in a 20+ year relationship

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • I am a male NTP and not in a 20+ year relationship

    Votes: 2 25.0%
  • I am a female NTP and in a 20+ year relationship

    Votes: 1 12.5%
  • I am a female NTP and not in a 20+ year relationship

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Someone said there'd be hookers and blow?!

    Votes: 5 62.5%

  • Total voters
    8
  • Poll closed .

SpankyMcFly

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The few real life NTP's I've known, 5 approx., have all had issues with long lasting relationships. Question, are you a NTP in a long lasting relationship? Long = 20 years+

I'm pretty curious about this as I've personally known a few INTP chicks (online, in a different community) that have a low boredom threshold but whom I found "appealing". If I had the data I'd like to look into being able to answer the following questions:

Question 1: What is your "opinion" on the likelihood of this being 'type' related.

Question 2: Any correlation to gender?

Question 3: Find out the avg. happiness rating

P.S. After considering the low sample size I am likely to find given the community demographics I'd like to know if anyone would like to share anecdotal stories about any/all NTP's they've known, i.e. parents, siblings, aunts/uncles etc., who meet the criteria of 20+ years in the same relationship.
 
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baccheion

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Too young to have been in a relationship that long. Maybe you should've said 2+ years. That said, I have no plans to sleep around or play the field. I just want to find one good woman, then call it done.
 

cafe

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I've been married to an INTP for 21 years. He appears to be in it for the duration, as am I.

I'm not sure how much of the duration of our relationship is related to his type.
It's not impossible that it's easier for a male NT to stay in a LTR than for a female due to societal gender expectations.
You can't read another person's mind no matter how well you know them or how much you love them, but my INTP seems at least contented with our relationship. I consider our relationship happy. I love him very much and enjoy his company the vast majority of the time.
 

SpankyMcFly

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I've been married to an INTP for 21 years. He appears to be in it for the duration, as am I.

I'm not sure how much of the duration of our relationship is related to his type.
It's not impossible that it's easier for a male NT to stay in a LTR than for a female due to societal gender expectations.
You can't read another person's mind no matter how well you know them or how much you love them, but my INTP seems at least contented with our relationship. I consider our relationship happy. I love him very much and enjoy his company the vast majority of the time.

Thanks for sharing [MENTION=4]cafe[/MENTION] :) I agree with your assessment about the male NT fitting societal expectations of "maleness" and consequently being a factor.
 

anticlimatic

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I've never ended it with a partner, ever, though 8 years is the longest I've been with someone before getting dumped. Before that it was a 6 year relationship. Before that a 2 year one (but that was high school).

Most of the time women get fed up with wanting "more" out of me than I'm willing to give, and finally hit the road...but commitment on my end is never wanting.
 

chubber

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I've never ended it with a partner, ever, though 8 years is the longest I've been with someone before getting dumped. Before that it was a 6 year relationship. Before that a 2 year one (but that was high school).

Most of the time women get fed up with wanting "more" out of me than I'm willing to give, and finally hit the road...but commitment on my end is never wanting.

:hug:
 

entropie

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I dont really think that it is a measurement of quality being 20+ yrs in a relationship, you can feel alone like a single in even such a relationship. Plus one could say that people being in a long relationships are just too lazy to go hunting and rather settle for comfort and security than a life of challenge.

On the other hand tho, being a flighty typus who is just in it for the initial challenge and after having made the kill, bails out is no proof of character aswell. Thats more a guy with low self-esteem who needs to push his ego via his accomplishments.

I have been to both worlds with the longest relationship lasting 10 years. I must say the wisdom I took from it, ranges from relationships are like health problems to relationships help you grow. The problem for me is, as likely it may be that enthusiasm switches from one to another person in a day, as likely it is that enthusiasm changes myself so much that I merge with my partner leaving all my own intrests and my self behind. When a relationship ends then, its like loosing your legs changing your life in such a drastical way, you wont recognize yourself no more.

Nowadays I am 30 and quite cured from relationships and woman. They are work and limit your freedom a lot and all you get is a little cuddling in the evening and sex you dont have to pay for.

I dunno, I am convinced a man can live perfectly without a woman and still get everything he needs until old age. :)
 

Totenkindly

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Well, I'm about to be divorced after 21 years. That was never the plan when we got married, and I take my commitments very very seriously; this is more because of a dealbreaker that we couldn't find a way around, and neither one of us could have been content / had a deep relationship the way things were.

I think through all of my commitments and tend to be pretty wary. I haven't dated very many people, and anyone I actually considered an SO is someone I was very serious about. So if I actually do something like live with you, then I'm really serious, and there would have to be some really large, unfixable reason for me to bail. I like to live with coherency, and I like to think everything through ahead of time, so if I make a commitment, it's pretty rock-solid. I also don't usually waste time being in a relationship if I know it will only last a few months anyway, I am more interested in long-term in general.

That being said, after being in my last relationship, I am more aware of what things I can live with and what things I cannot, and I don't see the point in wasting time and energy in doing something unworkable. Now that I have had experience, if something becomes evident in the relationship that is going to make one or both of us miserable, I don't see the point in prolonging the inevitable. I don't think the ending of a relationship is the worst evil; I think one or both people being in a destructive relationship is worse in the long run.
 

digesthisickness

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That being said, after being in my last relationship, I am more aware of what things I can live with and what things I cannot, and I don't see the point in wasting time and energy in doing something unworkable. Now that I have had experience, if something becomes evident in the relationship that is going to make one or both of us miserable, I don't see the point in prolonging the inevitable. I don't think the ending of a relationship is the worst evil; I think one or both people being in a destructive relationship is worse in the long run.

Huh, I didn't know you were getting divorced. If you ever need to talk, you know where I am.

What you said rang true with my reasoning on things too. Once you figure out what you can live with and what you can't, what will never get better, things become so much clearer. My problem has always been loyalty (taking my responsibilities seriously) and the extreme ability to adapt to almost anything. It's harder to find your boundaries when they combine. Foresight helps. Having faith in the ability to see the logical conclusion of where a problem will take you.

If it's inevitable that it won't work, best to cut losses (and end the pain sooner) than stick around, drawing it out, wasting time that could be spent finding a closer match.
 

Lady_X

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My bf's dad is an intp who's been with his mom since they were like 16 or something.
 

SpankyMcFly

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I dont really think that it is a measurement of quality being 20+ yrs in a relationship, you can feel alone like a single in even such a relationship. Plus one could say that people being in a long relationships are just too lazy to go hunting and rather settle for comfort and security than a life of challenge.

On the other hand tho, being a flighty typus who is just in it for the initial challenge and after having made the kill, bails out is no proof of character aswell. Thats more a guy with low self-esteem who needs to push his ego via his accomplishments.

I have been to both worlds with the longest relationship lasting 10 years. I must say the wisdom I took from it, ranges from relationships are like health problems to relationships help you grow. The problem for me is, as likely it may be that enthusiasm switches from one to another person in a day, as likely it is that enthusiasm changes myself so much that I merge with my partner leaving all my own intrests and my self behind. When a relationship ends then, its like loosing your legs changing your life in such a drastical way, you wont recognize yourself no more.

Nowadays I am 30 and quite cured from relationships and woman. They are work and limit your freedom a lot and all you get is a little cuddling in the evening and sex you dont have to pay for.

I dunno, I am convinced a man can live perfectly without a woman and still get everything he needs until old age. :)

Thanks for sharing [MENTION=4109]entropie[/MENTION] :) I appreciate you taking the time to not only answer but to expand upon related relationship concepts.

For the record I am not implying:

1) a relationship is required for happiness
2) 20 years is the magic number (I think of this number like a baseline)
3) NTPs are committment phobes

This inquiry is mostly an exercise in curiosity and an attempt to understand a pattern I am seeing in the "wild" hehe

P.S. I am ending my 2nd marriage myself and I'm hardly the one to judge, be it "type" related or not
 
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SpankyMcFly

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Well, I'm about to be divorced after 21 years. That was never the plan when we got married, and I take my commitments very very seriously; this is more because of a dealbreaker that we couldn't find a way around, and neither one of us could have been content / had a deep relationship the way things were.

I think through all of my commitments and tend to be pretty wary. I haven't dated very many people, and anyone I actually considered an SO is someone I was very serious about. So if I actually do something like live with you, then I'm really serious, and there would have to be some really large, unfixable reason for me to bail. I like to live with coherency, and I like to think everything through ahead of time, so if I make a commitment, it's pretty rock-solid. I also don't usually waste time being in a relationship if I know it will only last a few months anyway, I am more interested in long-term in general.

That being said, after being in my last relationship, I am more aware of what things I can live with and what things I cannot, and I don't see the point in wasting time and energy in doing something unworkable. Now that I have had experience, if something becomes evident in the relationship that is going to make one or both of us miserable, I don't see the point in prolonging the inevitable. I don't think the ending of a relationship is the worst evil; I think one or both people being in a destructive relationship is worse in the long run.

Hello [MENTION=7]Jennifer[/MENTION], I hope things work out for you and "it" ends well. Your post resonated with me as I share similar perspectives. I'd say it's highly age/experience related. We learn to overlook the little/stupid shit and distill things down to the nitty gritty when it comes to mate selection.
 

ptgatsby

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I don't think any type has an easy time getting through 20+ years of marriage. It's not a natural state.

NTPs, being a small amount of the population, AFAIK, would be about or slightly higher than average.
 

INTP1W2

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I've never ended it with a partner, ever, though 8 years is the longest I've been with someone before getting dumped. Before that it was a 6 year relationship. Before that a 2 year one (but that was high school).

Most of the time women get fed up with wanting "more" out of me than I'm willing to give, and finally hit the road...but commitment on my end is never wanting.



I'm too young for a 20yr marriage as well but have been married 3 times. Longest was 7 years although she moved out at 5yrs and it took me awhile to get stable and file my own divorce. Best marriage where I actually felt someone being in love with me (and I in love with her) was with someone I knew for 2 1/2 years...a Sagittarian like me who was 5 days older than me. Out of that 2 1/2yrs, we were married for 1 yr and just about a week after that 1 yr anniversary she suddenly passed away. Currently in a marriage 3yr marriage with an ENFJ and it absolutely sucks. No connection, very little chemistry.

Lot of strikes against me for successful marriage with such longevity but I'm not buying it. Supposedly people with stable IT careers struggle in relationships and marriages too.

Like Anticlimatic, my mates always want more. But the more they want is materialism which I'm always providing. What I'm seeking is more connection which is always a struggle in my relationships. In situations where mates want to get more (materialism) and not give more (connection), they always end and by my doing. In the past 8 years of relationships for me, I've started ending them whereas I was always always getting dumped and left before.
 
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