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[INTJ] INTJs and dating

James W

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2013
Messages
57
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Starting a new thread because someone asked me too.

It's my second date with an INTJ tonight and I need your advice so I can completely over analyze the situation.

I met her at a bar. She's an illustrations student who's a few years younger than me. She seemed to have this assumption that I was some douche bag pick up artist until she realized how socially retarded I was. She seemed to enjoy this fact. I had a lot of fun last time chipping away at her cold, judging, cynical exterior and cracking open that warm, gooey Fi that she was reluctant to show. She's a lot more responsive and enthusiastic over text messages now.

She seems to hate neediness so I know straight away we're on the same wavelength and probably shouldn't too concerned over not texting or phoning her for a day or two. (Last girlfriend was an ESFP, total, total, change in battle strategy here.)

Would you say you're low maintenance partners?

Am I right to not worry about being too aloof and taking things slow for the sake of building trust first?
 

Honor

girl with a pretty smile
Joined
Jul 11, 2012
Messages
1,580
MBTI Type
?
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so
Starting a new thread because someone asked me too.

It's my second date with an INTJ tonight and I need your advice so I can completely over analyze the situation.

I met her at a bar. She's an illustrations student who's a few years younger than me. She seemed to have this assumption that I was some douche bag pick up artist until she realized how socially retarded I was. She seemed to enjoy this fact. I had a lot of fun last time chipping away at her cold, judging, cynical exterior and cracking open that warm, gooey Fi that she was reluctant to show. She's a lot more responsive and enthusiastic over text messages now.

She seems to hate neediness so I know straight away we're on the same wavelength and probably shouldn't too concerned over not texting or phoning her for a day or two. (Last girlfriend was an ESFP, total, total, change in battle strategy here.)

Would you say you're low maintenance partners?

Am I right to not worry about being too aloof and taking things slow for the sake of building trust first?
Difficult to say without knowing her personally, but I do know that INTJ women like their distance. I think you're probably doing fine. Just follow your instincts.
 
W

WhoCares

Guest
Starting a new thread because someone asked me too.

It's my second date with an INTJ tonight and I need your advice so I can completely over analyze the situation.



Would you say you're low maintenance partners?

Am I right to not worry about being too aloof and taking things slow for the sake of building trust first?
Short answers....

No. You will have to work at building trust, showing your constancy and developing common interests the same as any other relationship. Sure she wont need a barrage of texts daily but she will require your authenticity which a lot of people find harder to maintain than the other superficial stuff.

Yes. She will want to spend some time with you then go away and think about it. She will extrapolate where the relationship is likely to end up based on these short bursts of companionship and you will either be deemed a long term propspect or not in that time. If she commits to you then you will be expected to display some form of future planning that includes her. If this is lacking the relationship may fail. You cannot tell an INTJ anything you can only demonstrate it in a way she clearly sees. Any kind of flakey behaviour (flippancy, fickleness, inability to make decisions or plan for the future) will be deemed quite an obstacle to the relationships future. Any kind of emotional game playing and I bet she will be out of there quicker than you can blink.
 

digesthisickness

✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
3,248
MBTI Type
ENTP
NO PRESSURE!
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,230
MBTI Type
INTJ
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5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Would you say you're low maintenance partners?

Am I right to not worry about being too aloof and taking things slow for the sake of building trust first?
We don't look for the same things in a partner than many other types do. Our demands/expectations may be fewer, but the threshold for some of them probably much higher. Expect aloofness and distance, and even some measure of testing, whether intentional or reflexive. If she has lost interest or decided you are just not for her, you won't hear from her at all, so continued if intermittent contact is a good sign.
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
Joined
Oct 18, 2013
Messages
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4w5
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sp/sx
Oh she will like him.

So OP, any updates? Come now, keep us in the loop.
 

James W

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2013
Messages
57
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Oh she will like him.

So OP, any updates? Come now, keep us in the loop.

Things are going pretty smooth brah.

But right now I have to see a man about his dog, so I'll fill you in all the gory details later on.
 

Crescendo

New member
Joined
Jan 12, 2014
Messages
1
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sp
Intj's while they don't show it on the outside, are really sensitive. They might not necessarily be sensitive to others, but are sensitive themselves. this is in part of emotional immaturity.

I tend to avoid relationships because the last guy I dated was really emotionally dependent on me, and we didn't see eye to eye when it came to the future, but I MISS him a lot. He was a drifter and I was a challenger. Buy you know what? While all of his friends labeled me as a jerk, he saw me as the moon. I really, really liked him, and regret having left him in favor of my parents expectations. In fact, I was really childish around him, and softened my unusually cold exterior when I came to trust him.

Just make sure to be decisive in your choices, persistent, loyal, open-minded, caring and in-tune to her emotions. Hope this helped ;)
 

James W

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2013
Messages
57
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Intj's while they don't show it on the outside, are really sensitive. They might not necessarily be sensitive to others, but are sensitive themselves. this is in part of emotional immaturity.

I think this sums up my experiences with INTJs quite well. When it comes to joking around, they're happy to be critical of other people, but when it's their turn, they get all on the defensive, not in an volatile way, but in a cold, "I will burn your house down with a blank expression on my face if you push me any further" kind of way.

I feel burned out. Probably because it's been just over a month and we're in this weird limbo where the passion's died right down and I don't see a future with us together. Feels a little sad, but hey, that's dating I guess.

I'll talk to her tonight, been blunt about everything else so far. Hopefully, she'll feel the same. I like my house better when it's not on fire.
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
Joined
Oct 18, 2013
Messages
4,413
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Intj's while they don't show it on the outside, are really sensitive. They might not necessarily be sensitive to others, but are sensitive themselves. this is in part of emotional immaturity.

I tend to avoid relationships because the last guy I dated was really emotionally dependent on me, and we didn't see eye to eye when it came to the future, but I MISS him a lot. He was a drifter and I was a challenger. Buy you know what? While all of his friends labeled me as a jerk, he saw me as the moon. I really, really liked him, and regret having left him in favor of my parents expectations. In fact, I was really childish around him, and softened my unusually cold exterior when I came to trust him.

Just make sure to be decisive in your choices, persistent, loyal, open-minded, caring and in-tune to her emotions. Hope this helped ;)

I also submitted to my parent's expectations. Although now, I tend to shock them constantly :D
 
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