[MBTI General] Trouble Understanding this NT Lady

[AzulEyes]

I wouldn't waste anymore time. She is not interested. She admitted she was using you- and based on the actions you described, sounds about right. Time to move on before you get any more attached.

 

[digesthisickness]

Yeah, love has a rock bottom. If there's a problem, people have to realize it on their own.

 

[idkman24]

She is confused about what she wants. Afraid to be "weak", to be vulnerable. Intimacy (and peculiarly, NOT sexual intimacy) is awkward for her. I'm sure she feels like a bull in a china shop when trying to respond to another's intimacy. And she's emotionally immature. And, you have become the outlet.

It may translate to "games", that she doesn't even know she is playing with you, because her reaction to things are out of fear (illusionary bravado) rather than self-confidence/self-awareness.

If you keep engaging with her, as you have, you both will keep going in circles.

She needs to grow up, own who she is, what she wants - and if you're there during this phase, when you're a contributing factor to her confusion - you will enable her.

You should not have to put up with this. And I don't think she's ready for you at this point in her life, to receive you as what you are (offering).

I agree with this, but I am prepared to take her as she is. Flaws and all. I think in the past she thought I thought she was flawless and she had to live up to my grand expectations. Now she is aware that I'm fully aware of her flaws and I still like her for it, no less.

It's her move, I guess.

 

[Redbone]

I agree with this, but I am prepared to take her as she is. Flaws and all. I think in the past she thought I thought she was flawless and she had to live up to my grand expectations. Now she is aware that I'm fully aware of her flaws and I still like her for it, no less.

It's her move, I guess.

This isn't a flaw. Re-read [MENTION=5645]Qre:us[/MENTION] post. She's not emotionally ready. Doesn't matter if she really likes you. Probably does. What matters is if she's ready to act on that. Nothing you can do about that. If you've given her a safe-space to be close to you, you've done all you can do. She can either choose to walk into that space or not.

It sounds good that you've left it alone for her to decide what to do. Good luck!

 

[idkman24]

Is there some reason why you don't ask a question like a question? Instead of attaching yourself to it? Example: Why does...? or Are you...?

Just wondering.



You do tend to speak in concrete ways like an S, but that's just based on here, so I don't know. Hey, do you think you may be a bit attached to being an INFJ instead of ISFJ because you think that's what she wants? Hope not as that would never work and would only slow your progress, if it exists, down.



You think you know more about her than she thinks you know about her, you mean? Possibly, if you know her social security number and she didn't give it, but otherwise, it doesn't seem like holding back what you think you know when talking to her is something you do, so she probably knows exactly how much you know. And, more importantly, how much you don't. How much no one does.

If you're correct and it doesn't bother her, then that's cool, but I'd probably have to hear that from her. And, by probably, I mean I would have to hear that from her.



HAHAHA!

That's why horoscopes are popular. Everyone puts on some sort of public persona. We all have secrets.

It's a story I've told over and over again to friends. I can see why people would think I use Si, but when I'm writing on, say, my blog, reading a book, watching TV or a movie, or interacting in relationships, I tend to Ni. I don't really wear my Ni on my sleeves though. That's where my friend is confused. I think, because he's probably an xSFP, he has trouble understanding that Ni-doms don't necessarily always show their Ni. If you read my blog, I think you'd definitely agree with me being some sort of flavor of INJ.

I tell this story black and white. Any figurative speech and it's open to interpretation. I want it to be easily understood and exact, not vague.

I've told her that I enjoy talking to her because there's always something new to learn for me. She knows that I think she's a very deep individual, and that I'm very intrigued by her.

They aren't necessarily "secrets." She comes across as the life of the party socially, but she seems rather depressed and down when by herself. Almost an unwarranted disappointment.

One thing I both love and hate about ENTPs is you just never know. Like I said, she could have a shrine in her closet of me, and she could also not even realize we haven't spoken in about 3 days. I can't read her VERY well on this. But the fact that she said she JUST used me as a one night stand, I know she's full of ish. I know she had SOME feelings for me in the past. I just know. Gut feeling.

And I do think that is a flaw, like I think arrogance and narcissism is a flaw of, say, the young INTJ. I do think she's going to grow out of it, I do think she's WAY hard on herself, and I do think she's a bit of a narcissist, but I see her becoming a very healthy, well-developed ENTP who is going to blossom in this world. I've told her this as well. I got a huge "aww."

 

[idkman24]

This isn't a flaw. Re-read [MENTION=5645]Qre:us[/MENTION] post. She's not emotionally ready. Doesn't matter if she really likes you. Probably does. What matters is if she's ready to act on that. Nothing you can do about that. If you've given her a safe-space to be close to you, you've done all you can do. She can either choose to walk into that space or not.

It sounds good that you've left it alone for her to decide what to do. Good luck!

Thanks, man.

I've found ways to occupy time that would usually be filled with thoughts of her, so I'm on my way to, at the very least, dumping some of her out of my mind.

 

[Salomé]

She's a walking defense mechanism. A lot of the things she says I don't initially believe. For instance, she has called me "creepy" before, and after ten more minutes of talking with her, we planned a hangout.

I see no contradiction... She thinks the way you go on is a bit creepy but it's not enough to make her want to stop hanging out with you. I relate.

She even admitted that she knowingly triggers her defenses around guys that she even LIKES. She hates this about herself. I think that's where the attachment issues she told me about come in.

Which suggests she knows the difference between guys she "likes" and guys she's not interested in, yes?

I know she liked me, even though she says otherwise. I just remember having that feeling. I usually can see thru people's BS, and she definitely did like me. Even if just a smidgeon.

Whatever. Since you can't transplant what you "know" into her head, it's moot. No one ever wore anyone else down into liking them by insisting on it. In fact, quite the opposite.

Otherwise, you may be right. She could have absolutely 0 interest in me today. But, as a social experiment and just to see what'll happen, I cut off ALL communication with her. She can still contact me, and if she does, I'll probably come back to this thread for coaching and also I'll take my jolly old time responding.

Either way, she either contacts me, wonders where I've gone off to, and we'll go from there, OR I just lose complete contact with her, and in a month or two am over her.

Win-win.

Good plan. It's always best to treat the other person with respect and courtesy by acting as if what they say is what they mean. If they are playing games, those games backfire (as they should). If they don't know their own heart, it will help them get to know it. And if they do know it, you aren't making a fool of yourself.

Win-win.

Fwiw, I could well believe you're an INFJ. I don't think ISFJs tend to have the same dogmatic insistence on the veracity of their intuitions.

 

[idkman24]

I see no contradiction... She thinks the way you go on is a bit creepy but it's not enough to make her want to stop hanging out with you. I relate.

Which suggests she knows the difference between guys she "likes" and guys she's not interested in, yes?

Whatever. Since you can't transplant what you "know" into her head, it's moot. No one ever wore anyone else down into liking them by insisting on it. In fact, quite the opposite.

Good plan. It's always best to treat the other person with respect and courtesy by acting as if what they say is what they mean. If they are playing games, those games backfire (as they should). If they don't know their own heart, it will help them get to know it. And if they do know it, you aren't making a fool of yourself.

Win-win.

Fwiw, I could well believe you're an INFJ. I don't think ISFJs tend to have the same dogmatic insistence on the veracity of their intuitions.

Thanks for your honesty.

At this point, I'm just going to move on.

I was at a wedding last night, she and I didn't talk for about a week. I was a little drunk, and my best friend was in the wedding, so I told him that I'd live tweet the wedding so he could laugh at my jokes.

I tweeted something like "my wedding song is definitely coming from the 70s. Or John Legend."

She replied "[my first name], do less." She and I connected over the fact that we are the only ones in younger 20s that we know that like MoTown. My stomach dropped. I didn't know what to make of this.

I just replied "[her last name], don't kill my vibe." She knows I'm obsessed with Kendrick Lamar, so I used a lyric of his.

I just didn't see the point of that tweet. I read it over and over and over and over and over and over again. My best friend came over to me, I told him what happened, he physically took my phone away from me, told me "you're at a wedding," gave me a drink, and told me "get up, find a girl, and dance."

The wedding was very sorority party vibe. I would have danced with them if my friend's parents (who were practically like my parents) weren't there. Just how I am. Easily weirded out.

Either way, I'm doing my VERY best to move on from her. If her goal was to implant herself back into my mind, it worked, but no way in HELL am I going to act upon it. If she wants to talk to me, then she can talk to me. I'm not initiating.

 

[ameeker]

My ENTP ex was a commitment phobe, so there might be that, but I don't know if that's the case here. I would describe it as very on/off. When it's on, it's on. And when it's off, it's off.