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[MBTI General] Surviving in a Feeling-dominant culture

Redkix

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Sep 26, 2013
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INTJ
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How do you do it? I feel like I'm trying to communicate with aliens sometimes, though I've largely given up communicating at all about anything substantial. The worst problem for me seems to be that people assume something's wrong if I don't display enthusiasm. And they expect a certain level of it almost constantly. That's impossible for me. For the most part, I just *do not* express emotion easily (unless the stimuli is extreme), and plus, I don't get excited about the same things that most people do. The difference in my emotional reactions themselves is sometimes even more alienating to them (and vice versa) than my lack of "sufficient" reaction in general.

I don't think I really care, on the whole, but it does seem to put me at a disadvantage, and it's something I'd like to learn to work around, if possible.

Of course, there are many other obstacles to living in an F-dom culture. The hysterical sanctimoniousness of other conservatives generally makes me give them a wide berth, and I'm currently considering leaving the Republican party for the Libertarians. I'm fiscally conservative, but socially and morally moderate-liberal. But I tend to think a vote for the Libertarians is a vote wasted, or effectively, applied to the Democrats. This is just one more example.

What other obstacles have you experienced? And most importantly, have you found ways to deal with them?
 

Pseudo

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I struggle sometimes with polite conversation. It's like a trap. People get very aggressive and there hostility doesn't upset me. But when I match their pace/volume it bothers them and they want to stop talking. They're rejection if the conversation frustrates and saddens me.

Also, and it's hard to explain to some people, It really hate when people use their feelings as justification. Most feelers don't understand that. Especially NFs feel that they and others are entitled to an opinion. I think people are only entitled to opinions they can support with evidence or reason. Calling them out on that mainly result in them thinking your an asshole who is dismissive or a totalitarian. I just want an explanation.

Finally Fe/Fi hve different and equal frustrating ways of putting weight on emotions. Fis are absorbed by their own feelings. iME there's no way to get them out of a mood and they don't care how much they poop a party. Fe is the opposite in that the care so much how other people feel. Either they obsess over others or they obsess over you. Im constantly twlling my two close Fes "who cares what they think?". They also cannot just ignore my feelings. If I get mad they have to know why and make it better. They can't just let me smother it.


All and all though I think feelers and thinkers are good for each other. We each need to learn from one another.


Of you value the feelers on your life maybe you should try bein more emotive for their sake. They are aliens, learn to speak their language. My boyfriend is ENFJ for him it's really important to emote and process things emotionally. When I tried to get him to rationalize so he's be less upset it made him more upset because I guess he felt like it was .... I don't even really know. But he morally is he had to learn to let me process and give him emotional information in a more deliberate way and I has to learn that his emotional superstorms is actually a way for him to process. I'm internal he's very external. Because I care about him, and he cares about open emotional exchange I try to give him more of that than I would normally give out
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
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Problem for me is, that, they simply cut me off. I'm still trying to figure out how to react or at least trying to find something to be enthusiastic about.... but it is difficult. I've come to learn that I am Nerd with a huge side order of dorkiness to me. Dorks aren't considered intellectuals, Geeks and Dweeds are and a bit of Nerds I think. Anything I have that is not of value to the masses, means I'm a dork or unintelligent. I guess that is what I struggle with in my life, well part of it. I'm interested in things they are not interested in.
:doh:
 

hjgbujhghg

I am
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I am inetersted...what do you percieve as feeling domant culture? What signs did you notice, that make you feel you live in the culture of feelers?
 

chubber

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sentimental people, people that are obsessed with political correctness. instead dealing with the issue, they cover it up with ... fill in obscene profanity words.
 

SpankyMcFly

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Hello Redkix,

I feel the same way you do about the Feeling culture, more specifically people making emotional decisions about my well being and trying to "protect" me when what they are really doing is smothering me. All you have to do is look at the laws that are designed to protect a certain class of citizen by limiting the rights of others. I am also a fiscal conservative and I'm quite liberal on social issues. On a twin axis political spectrum I rate as libertarian and to the left.

I am an INFP (one of those ebil feelers) and dare I say that we are similar in that I don't like to emote either, and I dislike feeling pressured to react emotionally to situations and circumstances when I'd rather not. We are very dissimilar in that I actually feel quite a bit and the range of oscillation is moderate.

I'd like to suggest investigating cognitive functions, if you haven't already. Specifically, we both prefer Fi, which is to say introverted feeling. We keep it tucked away when we can. With varying degrees of success.
 

anticlimatic

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INTJs have it rough, socially. Not only is their feeling pushed back into the tert function slot, but it's introverted feeling-- which is absolutely useless as social wheel grease. Inferior Fe is actually more useful than tertiary Fi when it comes to that, despite being a weaker form of feeling. As far as politics are concerned, be a libertarian! You can still vote republican if you want to, when the time comes. Not like your vote means a damn thing anyway.
 

Thalassa

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I've always wondered why INT go on about hating other people, meanwhile wanting to be accepted by said disgusting people.

I also adore when INTJ don't realize they are using their Fi.

And yes a libertarian vote is a vote wasted. If you want to make a statement, throw fake blood on people, don't make symbolic meaningless votes.

Actually, you are a conservative, so never mind, please do make symbolic meaningless votes, immediately and always.
 

Elfboy

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I've always wondered why INT go on about hating other people, meanwhile wanting to be accepted by said disgusting people.
INTs in general do this a this

I also adore when INTJ don't realize they are using their Fi.
yeah, it to my INTJ bestie awhile to come to this conclusion
[MENTION=19898]Redkix[/MENTION] [MENTION=20044]chubber[/MENTION]
you're talking about an extroverted feeling dominant culture, not a feeling culture in general
 

Capsaicin

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Improved nonverbal communication can really help with the "you seem emotionless" thing. It doesn't necessarily need to be expressive, but reactive makes people feel like they're being properly interacted with.

I don't mind the culture so much... until (older especially) F women start in on womanhood and what it means to be a woman. I've honestly heard that a woman as opposed to a girl is supposed to be emotional and not logical. :sick:
 

SpankyMcFly

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...you're talking about an extroverted feeling dominant culture, not a feeling culture in general

BINGO! I was trying to get around to that but didn't want to start an anti Fe derail :devil:, that and I don't know his MBTI background.
 

chubber

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Improved nonverbal communication can really help with the "you seem emotionless" thing. It doesn't necessarily need to be expressive, but reactive makes people feel like they're being properly interacted with.

I don't mind the culture so much... until (older especially) F women start in on womanhood and what it means to be a woman. I've honestly heard that a woman as opposed to a girl is supposed to be emotional and not logical. :sick:

I did try reading a book on body language, to help me read this nonverbal communication, also displaying more friendlier approachable body language. But I still have problems with implied words or indirectly use of words.
 

chubber

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BINGO! I was trying to get around to that but didn't want to start an anti Fe derail :devil:, that and I don't know his MBTI background.
I've noticed that I seem to upset xxFJs the most and they all have Fe... as dominating or secondary. Ok didn't know that. I wonder how to deal with that then.
 

SpankyMcFly

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I've noticed that I seem to upset xxFJs the most and they all have Fe... as dominating or secondary. Ok didn't know that. I wonder how to deal with that then.

Well I work with an ENFJ a ESFJ and an ENFP closely. It took me awhile to get to a comfortable understanding with the two Fe doms but I think what worked for me was to show "feeling", this they understood. By show feeling I mean I discussed things that are important to me and that I have an interest in (Fi values). Naturally I get more animated and can appear "passionate" about these things. This may seem like you are catering to them, but in the work environment it pays off to not have enemies garnering negative consensus behind your back, which is something Fe (don't we all at some time in our life?) is want to do if they don't like you. Look at it as an investment.

One last thing, a quote which I think is appropriate: "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou Tact goes a long way and it's not what you say but how you say it. When in doubt, as my ISTJ grandma used to tell me "if ya don't got nothing good to say, then don't be blabbing around"

Take my advise with a grain of salt (sea salt to be exact) as I'm coming from an INFP perspective.
 

mrcockburn

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You mean an Fe dominant culture. And what culture is this?
 

danseen

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Oct 30, 2013
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INTP
I struggle sometimes with polite conversation. It's like a trap. People get very aggressive and there hostility doesn't upset me. But when I match their pace/volume it bothers them and they want to stop talking. They're rejection if the conversation frustrates and saddens me.

Also, and it's hard to explain to some people, It really hate when people use their feelings as justification. Most feelers don't understand that. Especially NFs feel that they and others are entitled to an opinion. I think people are only entitled to opinions they can support with evidence or reason. Calling them out on that mainly result in them thinking your an asshole who is dismissive or a totalitarian. I just want an explanation.

Finally Fe/Fi hve different and equal frustrating ways of putting weight on emotions. Fis are absorbed by their own feelings. iME there's no way to get them out of a mood and they don't care how much they poop a party. Fe is the opposite in that the care so much how other people feel. Either they obsess over others or they obsess over you. Im constantly twlling my two close Fes "who cares what they think?". They also cannot just ignore my feelings. If I get mad they have to know why and make it better. They can't just let me smother it.


All and all though I think feelers and thinkers are good for each other. We each need to learn from one another.


Of you value the feelers on your life maybe you should try bein more emotive for their sake. They are aliens, learn to speak their language. My boyfriend is ENFJ for him it's really important to emote and process things emotionally. When I tried to get him to rationalize so he's be less upset it made him more upset because I guess he felt like it was .... I don't even really know. But he morally is he had to learn to let me process and give him emotional information in a more deliberate way and I has to learn that his emotional superstorms is actually a way for him to process. I'm internal he's very external. Because I care about him, and he cares about open emotional exchange I try to give him more of that than I would normally give out


I have quite a few INTP traits, but then I sometimes argue on emotion.

I think logic to some extent is overrated, since emotion is IMO just as important.
 

danseen

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As an INTP, I due value reason to judge things, but then probably I have naturally strong emotional capabilities. I think sometimes "i didn't like that because it hurt me" or "I did x because it made me happy" are good enough justifications for anything.

And these even can be broken down into logical points. People don't like pain and generally value happiness over pain.
 

Pseudo

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As an INTP, I due value reason to judge things, but then probably I have naturally strong emotional capabilities. I think sometimes "i didn't like that because it hurt me" or "I did x because it made me happy" are good enough justifications for anything.

And these even can be broken down into logical points. People don't like pain and generally value happiness over pain.

What if their happiness comes from giving other people pain? It woul be find to not apply logic to your decisions if they would never affect anyone else. But they do.
 

Lark

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I've always found it strange that people dont consider libertarianism or fiscal conservatism to be F-Dom, I do, they are totally F-Dom when the possibility of any free loader or free rider problems enter into their minds.

Anyway, in some senses I dont believe that the world is F-Dom at all, at least as a T-Dom I would like to be able to integrate and use F far more, I look at members of the forum who have done or do it well like [MENTION=7111]fidelia[/MENTION], [MENTION=10315]Aquarelle[/MENTION] or [MENTION=4212]Peguy[/MENTION] with, I'll admit it, a little envy sometimes.

I also think the world would be a better place if it was F-Dom properly understood, I agree with Erich Fromm that the world is pretty repressed when it comes to feelings and feeling per se. So you get a lot of sentimentality, phony feelings, feelings on que and its like everyone is a performance artist or actor. That's when its not all spilling out in outbursts, emoting and in a disordered or disorderly fashion.

That. The outbursts and such. That really happens and it really bothers me. Bothers me even more since I've studied it and have a lot of insight into myself and others in respect of it.

I encounter people daily and think "Awh fuck, I'm going to have to co-regulate your emotional state for you and get you back to base line or some sort of balance before we're even going to be able to talk/get anything done" or "Awh fuck, really? Now? You decide an outburst is a good idea now? Right, that'll be a good hour or two before we can get to the point we should have been in to think and problem solve right now".

Its probably part of getting old but I really do think people should get a grip. The world has got a lot of people who've become used to other people doing things for them, it maybe was things like feeding them, preparing food for them etc. but its crossed over into managing their very moods. Madness.
 
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