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[NT] When Enough is Enough? ENTP/ENTJ dynamics

Millis

New member
Joined
Nov 24, 2011
Messages
15
MBTI Type
ENTP
I have been in ENTP/ENTJ relationship for about 7 months now. It started out as it usually does with ENTP/ENTJ's fantastic, adventures, full of exiting intellectual discussions, amazing chemistry and complete infatuation with each other. But I guess that now we began to run into the typical ENTP/ENTJ problems.

I was reading a lot of forum threads her and other places, and the future doesn't seem very bright to me... I was trying to prove that we can make our relationship work against the ENTP/ENTJ odds, and I was ready to work for it and go on computerizes.

However, I got to the point now, when I'm asking myself a question when enough is enough and whether I should keep trying to make it work or just give up.

We are not arguing a lot (maybe it happens every 2 or 3 week), but it seems to be too much for my ENTJ. He cant really tolerate the imperfectness of the relationship. In his world there is NO place for unwelcome arguments or basically any other imperfections, and I'm afraid that there is even no space to giving it a chance by trying to work things out.

He now attempted to break up with me 2 times, but shortly after (same or next day) he changed his mind.

I'm willing to put all the work it needs to make it work, but I can't stand a boyfriend that breaks up with me every now and then.

We are having a bit of a time out now after 2 break up, and he wants to try it out again, give it another chance. He says that he seriously want's to make it work this time.

But I'm in doubt. How many times I'm willing to put my heart in a blender? I have very strong feelings for him and get hurt real bad each time. Does it make sense at all trying one more time?

Does anybody know/have herd of a ENTP/ENTJ relationship that worked out???

I would really appreciate advice or any comments on this, as I really profoundly care about this guy but I don't want to be self-destructive and keep banging my head in the wall, if that is what I'm doing...

Is impossible possible???
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
We are not arguing a lot (maybe it happens every 2 or 3 week), but it seems to be too much for my ENTJ. He cant really tolerate the imperfectness of the relationship. In his world there is NO place for unwelcome arguments or basically any other imperfections, and I'm afraid that there is even no space to giving it a chance by trying to work things out.

Would you really want to be in a long term anything with someone like this?
 

Millis

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Joined
Nov 24, 2011
Messages
15
MBTI Type
ENTP
Would you really want to be in a long term anything with someone like this?

Hell no...

The reason why I'm still thinking now is, if ENTJ says that he wants it to 'work out', he means that. And I asume that he is also going to make an effort and change something.. Hmmm, or I'm not really sure what that means. I guess this means there is a chance, but if the probability is 1 to 100 I don't know if I'm going to take it. It is so fucking painful

ps as an ENTP I'm used to take break ups pretty easily, and usually land on my feet a couple of days after. But this guy got under my skin, and it hurts like hell and he breaks my heart. And if not for THAT, I would defiantly not even consider giving it another go...
 
S

Society

Guest
So:
1. Guy who breaks up every couple of conflicts
+
2. Hurts more then regular breakups
=
3. Wanting to go back to him more?

Lady, I believe you are being negged. Possibly unintentionally, but still the same mechanism at work.

Thats being said, in your situation I would absolutely not take my advice on the matter...
 

Jaguar

Active member
Joined
May 5, 2007
Messages
20,647
Millis said:
this guy got under my skin, and it hurts like hell and he breaks my heart. And if not for THAT, I would defiantly not even consider giving it another go...

Because he breaks your heart, it hurts like hell, you want the relationship. Get serious.
 

Millis

New member
Joined
Nov 24, 2011
Messages
15
MBTI Type
ENTP
So:
1. Guy who breaks up every couple of conflicts
+
2. Hurts more then regular breakups
=
3. Wanting to go back to him more?

Lady, I believe you are being negged. Possibly unintentionally, but still the same mechanism at work.

NOPE
He is not negging me. He gives A LOT, but hell jah, he also demands A LOT.

I guess some of the problems were coursed by the fact that I was not giving him a positive recognition, which such a GRAND man expects (LOL). Though he IS really cool...but I prefer when people can both be cool and humble, I respect that a lot. So I tend to tease him and provoke him, instead of giving him what he expects from a partner. Usually its in a joke form or in a form of intellectual discussion, and he does except my points once in a while but when it comes to daily life routines he cant take it.
 

Millis

New member
Joined
Nov 24, 2011
Messages
15
MBTI Type
ENTP
Because he breaks your heart, it hurts like hell, you want the relationship. Get serious.

Well, that just means that I have real feelings for him and I'm willing to go further than I otherwise normally would go. But I'm not self-destructive and I'm considering it carefully.
 

Jaguar

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Joined
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Messages
20,647
Well, that just means that I have real feelings for him and I'm willing to go further than I otherwise normally would go. But I'm not self-destructive and I'm considering it carefully.

I think not. But keep telling yourself that. ;)
 
S

Society

Guest
What I meant was the core mechanism: he dumps you, you feel like shit for not meeting his expectations and somewhere in the back,of your Fe question wether you are good enough, he offers to give it (you) another chance, and that part in the back of your head wants to prove that you are good enough.

Am I picturing if wrong?
 

Millis

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Joined
Nov 24, 2011
Messages
15
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ENTP
I think not. But keep telling yourself that. ;)

Well... I guess you have a really grounded reason to come with this comment.

Maybe you know anything at all about me and my partner? Or you think that knowing that I'm ENTP and he is ENTJ is a profound enough basis to make all the conclusions and make such judgements? So you figured out the whole world with MBTI? Well congrets.
 

Millis

New member
Joined
Nov 24, 2011
Messages
15
MBTI Type
ENTP
What I meant was the core mechanism: he dumps you, you feel like shit for not meeting his expectations and somewhere in the back,of your Fe question wether you are good enough, he offers to give it (you) another chance, and that part in the back of your head wants to prove that you are good enough.

Am I picturing if wrong?

Jep, you are picking it wrong.

I don't really take it personally, in sense of been good enough. I know I'm good enough and I don't need to prove it to anybody. I just want to make things work, as that is what I want. And if that involves learning and adjusting to my partners needs I'll do that, not all the way and maybe not exactly the way he contemplates it, but i'll make an effort. However it is not going to happen in one day, it will take an effort from my partner too, and he would have to cope with some failures on the way. But can ENTJ's deal with that? That frightens me most... His extremely low tolerance of any imperfections:unsure:.
 

Jaguar

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May 5, 2007
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20,647
Well... I guess you have a really grounded reason to come with this comment.

It's about your reason>>>>>>>> "this guy got under my skin, and it hurts like hell and he breaks my heart. And if not for THAT, I would defiantly not even consider giving it another go..."

For your sake, I hope he never reads it. " It hurts. It hurts. It must mean I really care! Really! Really!"
Like I said, get serious. And frankly, your comments do sound self-destructive.
 

Millis

New member
Joined
Nov 24, 2011
Messages
15
MBTI Type
ENTP
It's about your reason>>>>>>>> "this guy got under my skin, and it hurts like hell and he breaks my heart. And if not for THAT, I would defiantly not even consider giving it another go..."

For your sake, I hope he never reads it. " It hurts. It hurts. It must mean I really care! Really! Really!"
Like I said, get serious. And frankly, your comments do sound self-destructive.

Ha,ha ok, I don't mind him reading that. He is into MBTI and we have been discussing that many times with him (we both love analysing :D)

well, the point her is that I deeply feel for this guy (if you don't think that ENTP girl is capable of that is your problem), and If you have any constructive suggestions about ENTP/ENTJ relationship you are very welcome to come with them. Otherwise, I'm good thanks. I'm not self-destructive :)
 

Millis

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Nov 24, 2011
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ENTP
^ Still doesn't get it.

Basically that tells more about how you think, than about how I think.

Don't read yourself blind into one sentence but get a bigger picture
 

Millis

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Nov 24, 2011
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ENTP
I can see why you two have problems. ;)

I expect the problem to be, that his tolerance to potential adjustment problems to be too low to be able to cope with them. As jah, it does take an effort and some rounds... And I'm trying to gauge right now whether ENTJ is capable of such an effort...
 

Millis

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Nov 24, 2011
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ENTP
^ Still doesn't get it.

For a person arrogant enough to think he can decode other peoples feelings from online forums: the pain of breaking op is not the reason for having feeling but it is an indicator of the strength of the feelings (sorry I sort of assumed anybody could get it). If that doesn't work for you, I guess you are lucky.
 

rav3n

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Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
NOPE
He is not negging me. He gives A LOT, but hell jah, he also demands A LOT.

I guess some of the problems were coursed by the fact that I was not giving him a positive recognition, which such a GRAND man expects (LOL). Though he IS really cool...but I prefer when people can both be cool and humble, I respect that a lot. So I tend to tease him and provoke him, instead of giving him what he expects from a partner. Usually its in a joke form or in a form of intellectual discussion, and he does except my points once in a while but when it comes to daily life routines he cant take it.
If you really want to make this relationship work, stop poking at him to make him change to your values.

If he really wants this relationship to work, he's going to have to stop trying to change you too.

That said, the ENTP/ENTJ dynamic is one fraught full of issues. Both extrovert control of their surroundings, in order to maintain autonomy. Can you both stand down, accept and respect each other?
 

Millis

New member
Joined
Nov 24, 2011
Messages
15
MBTI Type
ENTP
If you really want to make this relationship work, stop poking at him to make him change to your values.

If he really wants this relationship to work, he's going to have to stop trying to change you too.

That said, the ENTP/ENTJ dynamic is one fraught full of issues. Both extrovert control of their surroundings, in order to maintain autonomy. Can you both stand down, accept and respect each other?

Thanks, that was a useful peace of advice :)
I only can speak for myself, I think I can.
 
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