[NT] Do NTs often feel that they have too-high expectations?

[Rache]

I'm just wondering if NTs have this tendency: When something goes wrong/doesn't turn out the way you expected/you feel disappointed, you put it down as your fault for having unrealistic expectations that were too high in the first place.

What are your thoughts on this?

 

[ceecee]

No. I keep expectations very, very low for most people. Not all but most.

 

[INTP]

not really like that but kinda. i tend to build these scenarios in my head, for example if we plan to go to city and hit some part with some beers and such with friends the next day and x y and z is coming there, i usually make some expectations of what will happen based on those criteria(which might be bit idealistic sometimes, but is still based on realistic criteria).

 

[citizen cane]

I dont think my expectations are too high, but it seems that most everyone else does. It's not my fault half of humanity is dumber than myself.



Oh wait...I'm also not an NT, as far as I know.

 

[Society]

i build my expectations based on my experience & understanding of people rather then comparing my experience with my expectations, so my expectations tend towards realism rather then idealistic aesthetic merits.

alternatively...

my default expectations of people are so low it's ridicules. which is why...

if you have managed to disappoint me...

do humanity a favor and reconsider your oxygen supply, it has better uses.

edit: i just reread and realized the OP didn't mean people in particular, but things not going my way in general... in which case it is always my fault for not accounting for all the variables and not coming up with a solution, which makes it interesting & meaningful - i need to figure out what goes wrong to be better at having things go my way next time.

 

[Nicki]

No, I don't expect much out of others. Myself, on the other hand... My standards/expectations are not based off of reality so I end up getting disappointed a lot but I don't stay disappointed too long. I just try to look for a solution and make the most of things.

 

[Il Morto Che Parla]

I find one thing very funny.

All the people in this thread are T's, but most misread the OP in an "emotional" sense to think it meant "expectations of others".

To me, the meaning was very obvious, that it could mean events, products etc., not necessarilly people.

Maybe that means something?

Shrugs.

 

[Blackmail!]

I find one thing very funny.

All the people in this thread are T's, but most misread the OP in an "emotional" sense to think it meant "expectations of others".

To me, the meaning was very obvious, that it could mean events, products etc., not necessarilly people.

Maybe that means something?

Shrugs.

And? Does that mean something for you also?

 

[ceecee]

I find one thing very funny.

All the people in this thread are T's, but most misread the OP in an "emotional" sense to think it meant "expectations of others".

To me, the meaning was very obvious, that it could mean events, products etc., not necessarilly people.

Maybe that means something?

Shrugs.

Maybe. I took it to mean people but I have the same feeling about events, products, whatever it is.

 

[Faceless Beauty]

I'm just wondering if NTs have this tendency: When something goes wrong/doesn't turn out the way you expected/you feel disappointed, you put it down as your fault for having unrealistic expectations that were too high in the first place.

What are your thoughts on this?

I've occasionally had this problem in the past, but I've learned to expect very little out of things or to try to go into something with as clean a slate as possible. It saves a lot of headaches in the future. xD

 

[Rache]

Maybe. I took it to mean people but I have the same feeling about events, products, whatever it is.

Eh, my bad. I should be clearer. I think I'm referring more to people and events. Products, not so much.

Ok, some possible scenarios:

People: You agree to meet up with a friend for dinner in two weeks. He/she tells you a few days later that it has to be postponed because something at work has come up. You understand because it's work. But it happens again (the friend needs to have dinner at the in-laws) and again (the friend has to buy XXX or do XXX) and again. After a while, you think to yourself, perhaps your expectations were too high in the first place.

Event: You plan a holiday. You plan how to travel, where to go, what to do. However, you learn when you arrive that the bus service doesn't exist anymore. That restaurant has closed. This activity can only be done in another month. You are disappointed and try really hard to go with the flow, but you can't help but think that perhaps it's easier if you didn't have any expectations in the first place.

I'm just wondering if this is a type thing and I just need to learn what [MENTION=16406]Faceless Beauty[/MENTION] has said. Or am I actually valid in having certain expectations? It's come to a point when i just think, maybe I should just not expect anything from anyone/anything anymore.

 

[Faceless Beauty]

I'm just wondering if this is a type thing and I just need to learn what [MENTION=16406]Faceless Beauty[/MENTION] has said. Or am I actually valid in having certain expectations? It's come to a point when i just think, maybe I should just not expect anything from anyone/anything anymore.

I'm not sure if it is type related or not, but I'm pretty sure that all types have expectations in some shape or form. To say that you won't expect anything is a bit of a stretch, because even when you're going into something without creating an elaborate idea for how things will turn out, you still form some kind of impression of how you'd like things to go. So what I do is find a few different scenarios where I could feel almost equally satisfied.

 

[Redbone]

I remember watching a show on philosophy for modern times. One of the topics was on anger. The narrator/interviewer said that it appeared that anger was the root of expectations but very unrealistic ones. Like expecting your daily commute to be easy, quick, and with sensible drivers when you know good and damn well that it's not going to happen. He wondered why did people get angry when they clearly knew it wasn't going to be any other way.

It's the kaboom when our wishes collide with reality. And they don't have to unreasonable wishes/expectations. They just have to be present.

 

[ceecee]

Eh, my bad. I should be clearer. I think I'm referring more to people and events. Products, not so much.

Ok, some possible scenarios:

People: You agree to meet up with a friend for dinner in two weeks. He/she tells you a few days later that it has to be postponed because something at work has come up. You understand because it's work. But it happens again (the friend needs to have dinner at the in-laws) and again (the friend has to buy XXX or do XXX) and again. After a while, you think to yourself, perhaps your expectations were too high in the first place.

I wouldn't have any expectations of them actually keeping the date. I would tell them to let me know when/if their schedule clears up and drop it.

Event: You plan a holiday. You plan how to travel, where to go, what to do. However, you learn when you arrive that the bus service doesn't exist anymore. That restaurant has closed. This activity can only be done in another month. You are disappointed and try really hard to go with the flow, but you can't help but think that perhaps it's easier if you didn't have any expectations in the first place.

I would think that's fairly par for the course. If it all worked out I would be pleasantly suprised but I wouldn't expect it to and/or be disappointed when it didn't.

I'm just wondering if this is a type thing and I just need to learn what [MENTION=16406]Faceless Beauty[/MENTION] has said. Or am I actually valid in having certain expectations? It's come to a point when i just think, maybe I should just not expect anything from anyone/anything anymore

I think this is a conclusion people come to but I think the ease of accepting it may have to do with type.

 

[Istbkleta]

I'm just wondering if NTs have this tendency: When something goes wrong/doesn't turn out the way you expected/you feel disappointed, you put it down as your fault for having unrealistic expectations that were too high in the first place.

What are your thoughts on this?

sounds like Se - Ni balance question. U r not living enough in the moment, u have expectations and they make u unhappy, blah blah. Se - Ni, all of that imo.

hug?

 

[Rache]

hug?

I really need to go read up on Se Ni Ne Si.

 

[Rache]

I wouldn't have any expectations of them actually keeping the date. I would tell them to let me know when/if their schedule clears up and drop it.

This is interesting to me. That's exactly what some people have told me. My way of looking at it though, is: I care enough to pen the friend into my schedule, and if something else comes up that is not work or unforseen events like sudden illnesses, I would tell the other party that I already have something on. Or carry out my errand on another day. In this way, my friend takes priority. So it is disappointing that it doesn't seem to be the same for others.

Thus, I question if it's because I have unrealistic expectations (I guess you could also say standards?) of them (or of the relationship?).

I would think that's fairly par for the course. If it all worked out I would be pleasantly suprised but I wouldn't expect it to and/or be disappointed when it didn't.

Yeah, but some people seem to get over it faster. I tend to turn it over and over in my mind. Like, maybe I could have done X better.

I think this is a conclusion people come to but I think the ease of accepting it may have to do with type.

Yes, that's what I suspect.

 

[Tamske]

I tend to have unrealistc expectations of myself and my productivity. Example: during the last few days, I had to correct a ton of tests and lab reports. If I could submit all the grades by Tuesday evening, I would have a truly free day on Wednesday. I don't have to teach on Wednesdays, but usually the day is filled with lesson preparations. As the Easter holiday is approaching, however, this Thursday and Friday is filled with teacher meetings, for which no preparation is needed. So I promised myself a whole day writing and drawing.
Of course, I was exhausted and could not bring myself to any creative work. So my 'reward' for working that hard on those grades was... a lost day.

 

[Hetha]

While I set realistic expectations in the first place, my thought is usually (when things fall through or don't work out) to go with plan B,C,or D and not to get discouraged. At that point I can drop plan A without too much disappointment. While my expectations of myself are insanely high, my expectations of others is nearly null.

 

[Rache]

While I set realistic expectations in the first place, my thought is usually (when things fall through or don't work out) to go with plan B,C,or D and not to get discouraged. At that point I can drop plan A without too much disappointment.

So what I do is find a few different scenarios where I could feel almost equally satisfied.

This sounds like a solution - to pre-empt the possible outcomes.
Mmm, much to think about.

Thanks you guys for all the replies!