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[INTJ] Ask an INTJ

Redbone

Orisha
Joined
Apr 27, 2010
Messages
2,882
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
For those INTJs that have been or are presently in a relationship with an INTP, what were some of the things you had to learn about getting along with this type? What were some of the challenges you had to face with your INTP?
 

Malkavia

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2009
Messages
289
MBTI Type
ENXP
Enneagram
3w4
One of my best friends (INTJ) was a roommate in college with me for two years. We never fought and got along fantastic.

Upon graduation he told me he didn't want to be friends anymore, which completely sidelined me. He said we no longer had similar interests and he didn't see the reason of us being friends anymore. Turns out there were issues he had for the past couple of years but, "talking about issues is more of my thing, not his."

He went off to his engineering job and about two months later sent me a message telling me he misses how much fun we had rooming together.

I'm assuming this is meant to be some sort of subtle apology? Should I even bother with this kid anymore?
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
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8w9
One of my best friends (INTJ) was a roommate in college with me for two years. We never fought and got along fantastic.

Upon graduation he told me he didn't want to be friends anymore, which completely sidelined me. He said we no longer had similar interests and he didn't see the reason of us being friends anymore. Turns out there were issues he had for the past couple of years but, "talking about issues is more of my thing, not his."

He went off to his engineering job and about two months later sent me a message telling me he misses how much fun we had rooming together.

I'm assuming this is meant to be some sort of subtle apology? Should I even bother with this kid anymore?

No. He's an immature asshole, not someone you need in your life.
 

Engineer

Dependable Skeleton
Joined
Feb 1, 2011
Messages
625
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
One of my best friends (INTJ) was a roommate in college with me for two years. We never fought and got along fantastic.

Upon graduation he told me he didn't want to be friends anymore, which completely sidelined me. He said we no longer had similar interests and he didn't see the reason of us being friends anymore. Turns out there were issues he had for the past couple of years but, "talking about issues is more of my thing, not his."

He went off to his engineering job and about two months later sent me a message telling me he misses how much fun we had rooming together.

I'm assuming this is meant to be some sort of subtle apology? Should I even bother with this kid anymore?

No. He's an immature asshole, not someone you need in your life.

I'm not so sure about that. He might have just been making mental separation before he knew he had to leave. Sometimes it's rough to say goodbye, and I know that I myself get a bit gruff in that regard. Or blunt. Whatever. It doesn't mean we don't care, it means we're pretty bad at communicating effectively with Feeler type (I know this from vast experience). Did he ever elaborate on what those issues were? That might give you some clue as to whether you should let him back in or not. My gut feeling is that he didn't mean to come off as harsh, then regretted it and sent you the message. Feelings take a bit to percolate for me, so it's usually a pretty delayed reaction before I communicate them. My advice? Give him one last chance-- if he fucks it up by being an ass again, drop him like a hot rock and don't look back.

On a side note, this is partially the reason I'm glad my roomie is an ENTP. We actually talk about issues comfortably.
 

Crescent Fresh

Diving into Ni-space
Joined
Mar 17, 2011
Messages
802
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
He went off to his engineering job and about two months later sent me a message telling me he misses how much fun we had rooming together.

I'm assuming this is meant to be some sort of subtle apology? Should I even bother with this kid anymore?

This really depends on if you felt it is worth to have him back as a friend. As the old saying goes, "Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder."

It's really 50/50 scenario you're dealing with here, as he might not initiate the contact back. Though if you can envision having him as your friend for the next few years, then I wouldn't say it's bad for taking a chance.
 

Malice

Boldly Gone
Joined
Mar 3, 2010
Messages
738
MBTI Type
ESFJ
Enneagram
2W3
Here's one I thought I'd never ask: How do I convince my INTJ s/o to book a doctors appointment? :p

About two months ago he came to me and asked me to remind him to book an appointment, I did. Since there's been no progress. I bring it up now and then (not to the point of nagging, mostly in a teasing way) but he still hasn't budged on it. Lol, being an adult I know I can't *make* him do these things, and it's not like he has anything life threatening (just wanted to get some things checked) but as an ESFJ I don't feel like I've done my 'duty' until the 'task' is complete. :laugh: Do I just drop it? Or do you guys sometimes need a bit of a push to get things going? :)
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
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8w9
Here's one I thought I'd never ask: How do I convince my INTJ s/o to book a doctors appointment? :p

About two months ago he came to me and asked me to remind him to book an appointment, I did. Since there's been no progress. I bring it up now and then (not to the point of nagging, mostly in a teasing way) but he still hasn't budged on it. Lol, being an adult I know I can't *make* him do these things, and it's not like he has anything life threatening (just wanted to get some things checked) but as an ESFJ I don't feel like I've done my 'duty' until the 'task' is complete. :laugh: Do I just drop it? Or do you guys sometimes need a bit of a push to get things going? :)

I think this might be more of a "guy" thing than an INTJ thing. I never understood why people would suffer needlessly when sick or injured so I always go to the doctor without prompting. I get my checkups and mammograms in a timely fashion. My ENFJ on the other hand.....it's like pulling teeth to get him to take something for a headache let alone see the doctor. He did go in for a physical this year and he is very healthy but it's frustrating to deal with him and his resistance.
 

Bamboozle

New member
Joined
Aug 29, 2009
Messages
68
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
3w2
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
For those INTJs that have been or are presently in a relationship with an INTP, what were some of the things you had to learn about getting along with this type? What were some of the challenges you had to face with your INTP?

I read this out to my INTJ girlfriend and she said immediately and very drily, 'Be patient. Don't expect any Te decisions. Oh, and sometimes they want to do silly and strange things and it's easier to just to humour them.'

There you go.
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
Joined
Aug 29, 2008
Messages
19,129
MBTI Type
ESTJ
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1w9
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sp/so
A similar question to this may have been asked already, but nonetheless, here it is. And in advance, don't take this poorly, because I say it with love in my heart -- love for my many INTJ friends (and my INTJ roommate).

Almost all of the INTJs I know have a tendency to laugh at people's stupidity instead of trying to fix their stupidity. I mean, they'll still comment on it, but they may not suggest alternatives, because they're too busy joking around about the problem. I've seen this in real life as well as on the forum (and I've seen it with a few ENTJs, too). It always surprises me (even though it shouldn't), because with Te secondary, shouldn't INTJs be more likely to try to fix perceived imperfections?

The closest I can come to an answer is that maybe it comes from a sense of futility; people are going to be stupid no matter what, so you might as well find the humor in it. Is that close to the answer to my question, or am I totally off base?

Note: I have an INTJ aunt who is a very strong exception to this rule; she is without a doubt the most obsessive, meddling, worrying, and EXTREMELY type 1w2 person I have ever met.

Another note: My question is coming from a pretty biased position, since I am also a type 1 and therefore I have a tendency to feel like I'm morally obligated to interfere if something is being done incorrectly; i.e. I have a hard time finding the humor in watching stupid people be stupid. It's like fingernails on a chalkboard.
 
T

ThatGirl

Guest
INTJs are very open minded about your right to be an idiot.

They laugh at situations, but only if it doesn't effect them. Then they will bust in to correct it.


Edit: According to the ones I have known.
 

ultimawepun

New member
Joined
Feb 4, 2011
Messages
92
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
1w2
Almost all of the INTJs I know have a tendency to laugh at people's stupidity instead of trying to fix their stupidity. I mean, they'll still comment on it, but they may not suggest alternatives, because they're too busy joking around about the problem. I've seen this in real life as well as on the forum (and I've seen it with a few ENTJs, too). It always surprises me (even though it shouldn't), because with Te secondary, shouldn't INTJs be more likely to try to fix perceived imperfections?

From what I picked up at INTJf, INTJs tend to be more critical of themselves than to others.

INTJs are very open minded about your right to be an idiot.

They laugh at situations, but only if it doesn't effect them. Then they will bust in to correct it.


Edit: According to the ones I have known.

I can relate to this.
 

ceecee

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Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
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8w9
A similar question to this may have been asked already, but nonetheless, here it is. And in advance, don't take this poorly, because I say it with love in my heart -- love for my many INTJ friends (and my INTJ roommate).

Almost all of the INTJs I know have a tendency to laugh at people's stupidity instead of trying to fix their stupidity. I mean, they'll still comment on it, but they may not suggest alternatives, because they're too busy joking around about the problem. I've seen this in real life as well as on the forum (and I've seen it with a few ENTJs, too). It always surprises me (even though it shouldn't), because with Te secondary, shouldn't INTJs be more likely to try to fix perceived imperfections?

The closest I can come to an answer is that maybe it comes from a sense of futility; people are going to be stupid no matter what, so you might as well find the humor in it. Is that close to the answer to my question, or am I totally off base?

Note: I have an INTJ aunt who is a very strong exception to this rule; she is without a doubt the most obsessive, meddling, worrying, and EXTREMELY type 1w2 person I have ever met.

Another note: My question is coming from a pretty biased position, since I am also a type 1 and therefore I have a tendency to feel like I'm morally obligated to interfere if something is being done incorrectly; i.e. I have a hard time finding the humor in watching stupid people be stupid. It's like fingernails on a chalkboard.

It takes WAY too much energy to correct someone, especially when they think they are absolutely right, than to let them believe something stupid or be stupid. Morally obligated to interfere? Perhaps the idea of interfering is what bothers me most because I don't want to be interfered with. I would go out of my way to make sure that doesn't happen, if necessary. I think every idiot on TV, in politics, in religion is stupid but I'm not telling them that and they wouldn't consider anyone's obligation to interfere worth their time or effort either.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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27,230
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sp/sx
Yes. Interference takes time/effort, and crosses the line of self-determination that I tend to value strongly. I will do this if the stupidity affects me directly, or a project I am involved in (as at work). I will also do it if the stupid person is a close friend or relative, to save them from the effects of their actions. Otherwise, I usually let them be. After all, what looks "stupid" to me occasionally might actually make sense in the other person's situation.

As for the humor, well - that can't be helped. Even if you are my best friend, I may still laugh, but I will certainly intervene.
 

Nicodemus

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I concur with Coriolis' words but would add that the pattern extends to other deep-rooted 'problems' people may have as well.
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
Joined
Aug 29, 2008
Messages
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ESTJ
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1w9
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sp/so
It takes WAY too much energy to correct someone, especially when they think they are absolutely right, than to let them believe something stupid or be stupid. Morally obligated to interfere? Perhaps the idea of interfering is what bothers me most because I don't want to be interfered with. I would go out of my way to make sure that doesn't happen, if necessary. I think every idiot on TV, in politics, in religion is stupid but I'm not telling them that and they wouldn't consider anyone's obligation to interfere worth their time or effort either.
Yes. Interference takes time/effort, and crosses the line of self-determination that I tend to value strongly. I will do this if the stupidity affects me directly, or a project I am involved in (as at work). I will also do it if the stupid person is a close friend or relative, to save them from the effects of their actions. Otherwise, I usually let them be. After all, what looks "stupid" to me occasionally might actually make sense in the other person's situation.

As for the humor, well - that can't be helped. Even if you are my best friend, I may still laugh, but I will certainly intervene.
I concur with Coriolis' words but would add that the pattern extends to other deep-rooted 'problems' people may have as well.
Thanks, all! :) This makes a lot of sense. I guess it isn't so different from how I operate, after all. ceecee, your point about energy really resonates with me, especially combined with what Nicodemus said; if I feel like someone's issues are too deep-rooted to change, I won't want to waste my energy on them. I suppose the key difference is the bolded, which is one of the only things I quoted that I don't relate to. Although I dislike being controlled, I tend to care more about being correct, in the long run, so if someone meddles in my affairs, I might not mind, after the initial irritation.

Where do you think that self-determination value comes from, functionally?

p.s. I can't get over the difference between this and the Ask an ESTJ thread. :laugh: I can only imagine what would happen if there were as many ESTJs to answer questions!
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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sp/sx
I suppose the key difference is the bolded, which is one of the only things I quoted that I don't relate to. Although I dislike being controlled, I tend to care more about being correct, in the long run, so if someone meddles in my affairs, I might not mind, after the initial irritation.

Where do you think that self-determination value comes from, functionally?
Do you mean in terms of MBTI functions? I can explain it only as a combination of several functions, which is how I see the functions working in any case.

I agree that it is better to be correct, even if I didn't come up with the correct answer myself. I prefer, however, that others provide me the information I need to correct my decision, rather than making the decision for me themselves. There may be more than one way to act upon the correction, and there may be factors involved that they do not realize.

This is probably part of my hesitation to interfere with others as well. If I do so, I am assuming that I really do know what is best for the other person in the circumstances. This in turn implies a degree of familiarity with their situation that I might have with a friend or relative, but not for a coworker or casual acquaintance. My likelihood of acting is proportional to how confident I am that I am right, as well as my stake in the situation. If especially the second is low, I will usually confine my interference to a few questions: "have you considered that doing X might lead to problem Y?" Again, I am providing the other person with information, that they can act upon as they choose.
 

entropie

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Apr 24, 2008
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entp
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Every test I am doing recently says I am an intj:

________________________________________________
Jung Explorer Test

Actualized type: INTJ
(who you are)
Extroverted (E) 50% Introverted (I) 50%
Intuitive (N) 51.28% Sensing (S) 48.72%
Thinking (T) 52.94% Feeling (F) 47.06%
Judging (J) 55.26% Perceiving (P) 44.74%

INTJ - "Mastermind". Introverted intellectual with a preference for finding certainty. A builder of systems and the applier of theoretical models. 2.1% of total population.
*The current algorithm breaks the tie randomly so refresh the page to see alternate results

Preferred type: ESTJ
(who you prefer to be)
Extroverted (E) 50% Introverted (I) 50%
Sensing (S) 55.26% Intuitive (N) 44.74%
Thinking (T) 52.5% Feeling (F) 47.5%
Judging (J) 55.26% Perceiving (P) 44.74%

ESTJ - "Administrator". Much in touch with the external environment. Very responsible. Pillar of strength. 8.7% of total population.
*The current algorithm breaks the tie randomly so refresh the page to see alternate results

Attraction type: ISFP
(who you are attracted to)
Introverted (I) 52.78% Extroverted (E) 47.22%
Sensing (S) 52.5% Intuitive (N) 47.5%
Feeling (F) 55.26% Thinking (T) 44.74%
Perceiving (P) 54.29% Judging (J) 45.71%

ISFP - "Artist". Interested in the fine arts. Expression primarily through action or art form. The senses are keener than in other types. 8.8% of total population.
*The current algorithm breaks the tie randomly so refresh the page to see alternate results
___________________________________________________________________________________

Dear intjs, why did you break all these tests ?
 

Nicodemus

New member
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Aug 2, 2010
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Dear intjs, why did you break all these tests ?
Why are you taking these tests? I assume it is to do something different than you did before, because otherwise it would be quite pointless to take them at all. So, considering the perhaps unconscious urge to try something new in answering the questions, one can very well conclude that you are an ENTP-Spielkind receiving funny results to funny answers. Why INTJ and not ESFP? Well, maybe there is calling for greatness in you after all.

:newwink:
 
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