Ask an INTJ

[Engineer]

So this being said, how annoying is it for an INTJ to be paired with a cute/sexy/nosey E-type that frequently asks what it is they're thinking about?

What ceecee said. It's often a large hassle to explain what we're thinking about-- simply. For example, I could say I was thinking about an idea for a novel... and then I'd have to have a lengthy and bothersome (since I already know what I'm thinking about) discussion to give you the framework of what it is, and why it is. By that point, I'd be a bit embarrassed for having explained to you the physics of phase space and the diplomatic relationships of two opposing fictional factions... And that's just for that example. This can be applied to so many topics it's not even funny.

However, that's not to say it's always completely annoying. If we have on a happy face (read: not the "angry" thinking face) and are looking at you in a funny way, feel free to ask... probably be pleasantly surprised if you can drag it out of us.

Also, on a related note, if you ask "what's wrong" outside the proper boundaries (i.e. you didn't actually did something to annoy/hurt/confound us) it gets supremely annoying. We won't show it, and usually just answer with an exasperated "I'm fine." (I know several E-types who got my thinking or neutral faces confused with angry or frustrated, and that's just ridiculously silly. I always look that way...) Eventually, we'll avoid talking to you out of sheer frustration. Though, again, that's prolonged use. A few times, here and there, is kind of endearing.

(I just realized I use a lot of parenthetical statements when I'm thinking... So many asides in this conversation it could be a Shakespeare play.)

My mother (ESFJ) said a few days ago that she has to ask me questions (which she knows annoy me) because otherwise she would know nothing about me. The truth is that I would rather talk to her without being interviewed. I told her so before, but apparently that does not really matter.

This is very much true. I hate interrogations, especially ones with broad, and hard-to-define questions.

[Coriolis]

So this being said, how annoying is it for an INTJ to be paired with a cute/sexy/nosey E-type that frequently asks what it is they're thinking about?

My answer depends strongly on what kind of reaction I get if I answer. If I feel as if I am really understood, if the person follows what I am saying without making me connect every last dot, asks insightful questions that cause me to think, etc. etc. I might actually enjoy it. But that is asking a bit much for the type you have described, so odds are, it would actually be horrid.

[NPcomplete]

Dear INTJs,

How often do you voice out your fears and anxieties to people? Also, how does one make you feel better after that admission?

Thanks!

[ceecee]

Dear INTJs,

How often do you voice out your fears and anxieties to people? Also, how does one make you feel better after that admission?

Thanks!

Not often.
I don't know. Maybe a hug or a situation applicable word of wisdom but I really enjoy something that takes the heavy depressing feeling out of it

Wow I can't believe I said that.
Do you feel better?
No not really. Do you have any words of wisdom?
Well let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders, who said..."I'm too drunk to taste this chicken".
Better.

[Malice]

Dear INTJs

When you vent to a person about a problem which you're aware they could never possibly understand or give sound advice on, why do you do this? I find it confusing. Is it to use them as a sounding board to help work this problem out in your own head? Are you looking for sympathy or comfort? :S

[ceecee]

Dear INTJs

When you vent to a person about a problem which you're aware they could never possibly understand or give sound advice on, why do you do this? I find it confusing. Is it to use them as a sounding board to help work this problem out in your own head? Are you looking for sympathy or comfort? :S

I don't like venting for this very reason. I think it's for more of a sounding board, I've never wanted sympathy or comfort.

[Engineer]

Dear INTJs,

How often do you voice out your fears and anxieties to people? Also, how does one make you feel better after that admission?

Thanks!

Almost never. I'll actually keep it to myself so much that I can hurt the relationship in question by allowing my resentment to sit. It's not a good trait, but it's one that I'll admit I do quite a bit. Most times, if I do voice my fears-- most of which revolve around being either used by a person or left-- the best thing I can hear is "Oh, no. I would never do that." Followed by a list of examples that illustrate that particular point. Refute my anxieties with positive facts and I'll appreciate you very much.

Hugs are also good, too.

[Malice]

I think it's for more of a sounding board, I've never wanted sympathy or comfort.

Yeah it was the only conclusion I could really come to that made any sense. :S I mean if you wanted help with it, logically you'd turn to someone with the skills to do so, right? Lol, when it happens though I feel so useless, I have never have any idea what to say/do.

[Coriolis]

Yeah it was the only conclusion I could really come to that made any sense. :S I mean if you wanted help with it, logically you'd turn to someone with the skills to do so, right? Lol, when it happens though I feel so useless, I have never have any idea what to say/do.

I will vent like this rarely, and only to someone very close, like my SO. Part of it is to let my SO know what is on my mind, what I am having to contend with that may be preoccupying my attention, making me stressed out, etc. Part of it is helping me to work it out myself; just the act of putting the issue into words can go far in helping me see it more clearly and reveal its own solution. If you are on the receiving end of this, best options are (1) be a good listener, (2) ask explicitly if there is anything you can do to help (likely no, but you might be surprised), and (3) if appropriate, offer general reassurance, like a hug, or appreciation that the person was willing to share that with you. That's all I would expect.

[Engineer]

Yeah it was the only conclusion I could really come to that made any sense. :S I mean if you wanted help with it, logically you'd turn to someone with the skills to do so, right? Lol, when it happens though I feel so useless, I have never have any idea what to say/do.

When we talk to someone like that, I find it's more to work things out in our own heads. Of course, if we just talked to ourselves, that'd be weird. We don't really expect you to do anything but listen and be supportive (slightly, not a full-on sob session or some nonsense like that...). Just realize that we trust you a lot if we're willing to burden you with that kind of stuff.