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[NT] Making emotions go away

greenfairy

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I'm posting this thread here because NT's are supposed to mostly not be emotional, or at least usually have good control over their emotions. If I'm wrong about this, please correct.

Anyhow, as I've mentioned, emotions other than happiness and such tend to cause me problems. I have a pretty good handle on anger now, even though it's not perfect, but being upset is hard to deal with. I'm particularly concerned with being emotional at work or in public, or when I have something important to do. I saw a question on some test which asked if you can easily put your emotions aside in order to do your job, and I have to say no. If I feel really anxious, stressed, or upset, the emotions don't go away simply by telling myself they're inappropriate at the time. If I feel like crying it's impossible to stop myself. I've cried at work twice, and I tried my hardest not to.

My preferred strategy is to just not get emotional. Most things don't upset me. I get upset over issues, and 2 in particular- if something happens which tells me I'm incompetent or if I feel like I am deprived of something. Really sad events upset me, so I avoid them. Unfortunately school and work are related to my sense of competence, so I am frequently stressed about school and have a tendency to get upset if I make a mistake at work.

Lately I've been making myself relax and meditate more, and what I discovered is that if I sit still and don't have distractions, I have an underlying sense of panic. I wonder if this panic is there all the time and I just don't notice it.

Anyway; panic, stress, anxiety, etc., sadness, loneliness, and whatever feelings are associated with lack and incompetence really interfere with my ability to do my job and schoolwork sometimes, and I'd really like it if there was some trick to being able to effectively ignore them long enough to get things done.

I wondered what the experience of NT's is in particular with regard to dealing with emotions at inopportune times, and how you do it.
 

greenfairy

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I should say that I like waiting tables, and if I'm able to see things positively enough to not feel like crying and I only feel sort of sad, then the activity of doing my job helps me cheer up all the way. Smiling and giving people food and making them happy makes me happy. (Although if I was just helping people without compensation it wouldn't make me nearly as happy.)
 

Rasofy

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I've been through that... Once I started studying about 8+ hours a day, anxiety became a big concern.

I suggest anxiety meds + moderate cardio workouts at least twice a week.

You can't convince your mind that it's not reacting to things as it's supposed to, so you need an alternative route. And you can drastically improve your emotional health with a healthy lifestyle. Mens sana in corpore sano. :)
 

greenfairy

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I've been through that... Once I started studying about 8+ hours a day, anxiety became a big concern.

I suggest anxiety meds + moderate cardio workouts at least twice a week.

You can't convince your mind that it's not reacting to things as it's supposed to, so you need an alternative route. And you can drastically improve your emotional health with a healthy lifestyle. Mens sana in corpore sano. :)
Thanks for the reply. I know exercising is good for me, and it does relieve stress, but it's hard to fit it in and then I stress about that. :/ I know, excuses. That's probably most of the answer for the anxiety, exercise and meditation. I'd still have the issue of crying in the bathroom or wherever in those rare instances of being sad though...
 

1487610420

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While NT can be logical and detached I'm not sure they excel at being impervious to emotions, when they crawl from the inside. Anyway, numbing it may help you function better to some extent, but to completely remove it requires removing the source, not sweeping it under a rub with artifacts. Excluding external forces/events, more often then not we are our own devil and the inner turmoil is self created. There is professional help outside for this purpose, so in extreme cases, it may be a good idea to seek them.
 

kyuuei

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You can't just damper the emotions you don't like though... I've found that the times I've been detached and cold I have also been unhappy and somber... you end up killing off both sides. I can turn off my emotions for work, as I've done before, but I don't really like things that way.. I'd rather cry at work occasionally, or be angry at work sometimes, and be happy most of the time and pleasant to deal with and work with. Acting like a robot isn't any more convenient than the occasional emotional outburst.

You may have a problem with anxiety and/or depression if you're very emotional but lack sources of happiness, joy, and other positive emotions in your daily life. But I don't think throwing emotions out the window is the answer.

Being in the army, I understand it sometimes sucks to show any sort of weakness or incompetence in your job. Especially now that I'm in a leadership position and it's expected of me to pretty much act like a mechanical robot. But.. I take little joy out of those aspects of the job. I like what I do, and the symbolism behind it, and that it moves my dreams further.. but I talked to my family rarely, my friends even less, and completely submerge myself into that work so that I don't break character and act giddy and happy.. And then.. you just stop feeling that way. You stop being happy. Everything is just very apathetic.. You don't really care if it's dangerous, or if today was a good day, or if the food was prepared wrong, nothing. Its just a day. And then another day. It's convenient for the military, but it takes me a while to shake off that sensation and learn how to be myself again when I get home.. It's hard to be apathetic, so when I finally get it right, it is just as hard to throw that behavior away again and learn to just... be me. I'm still working on that right now, luckily this deployment was much smoother than my last one.
 

Lux

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I understand this. I used to be quite emotionally distant from myself, and then.. I wasn't, random things got to me, and it was not something I could control, which was odd for me, annoying. I think I just bottled everything up and then emotions were released at moments that didn't quite fit. What I do now is I do meditate, but I also have a particular way to deal with emotions. Sometimes I will force myself into situations that will allow intense feelings to surface, I do it while alone though. That seems to release the pent up emotion for me to have a genuine handle on it when I need to. By allowing them and not invalidating them, but on my own terms seems to be what works for me. Maybe it will help, I hope it does. :)
 

greenfairy

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I understand this. I used to be quite emotionally distant from myself, and then.. I wasn't, random things got to me, and it was not something I could control, which was odd for me, annoying. I think I just bottled everything up and then emotions were released at moments that didn't quite fit. What I do now is I do meditate, but I also have a particular way to deal with emotions. Sometimes I will force myself into situations that will allow intense feelings to surface, I do it while alone though. That seems to release the pent up emotion for me to have a genuine handle on it when I need to. By allowing them and not invalidating them, but on my own terms seems to be what works for me. Maybe it will help, I hope it does. :)

That sounds like a really good way to do it. I think my experience is something similar, and arises from the same sources. Feeling the unpleasant emotions is something I've had to get comfortable with in recent years, and so it comes with all the pent up stuff of the past which I haven't released.
You can't just damper the emotions you don't like though... I've found that the times I've been detached and cold I have also been unhappy and somber... you end up killing off both sides. I can turn off my emotions for work, as I've done before, but I don't really like things that way.. I'd rather cry at work occasionally, or be angry at work sometimes, and be happy most of the time and pleasant to deal with and work with. Acting like a robot isn't any more convenient than the occasional emotional outburst.

You may have a problem with anxiety and/or depression if you're very emotional but lack sources of happiness, joy, and other positive emotions in your daily life. But I don't think throwing emotions out the window is the answer.

Being in the army, I understand it sometimes sucks to show any sort of weakness or incompetence in your job. Especially now that I'm in a leadership position and it's expected of me to pretty much act like a mechanical robot. But.. I take little joy out of those aspects of the job. I like what I do, and the symbolism behind it, and that it moves my dreams further.. but I talked to my family rarely, my friends even less, and completely submerge myself into that work so that I don't break character and act giddy and happy.. And then.. you just stop feeling that way. You stop being happy. Everything is just very apathetic.. You don't really care if it's dangerous, or if today was a good day, or if the food was prepared wrong, nothing. Its just a day. And then another day. It's convenient for the military, but it takes me a while to shake off that sensation and learn how to be myself again when I get home.. It's hard to be apathetic, so when I finally get it right, it is just as hard to throw that behavior away again and learn to just... be me. I'm still working on that right now, luckily this deployment was much smoother than my last one.

That's quite an informative ENFP/Fi perspective, and I can see how it would relate to your circumstances. I do hope things get better and you can be happy again.

In response, I don't have a problem with depression, although anxiety is certainly an issue. I have no trouble feeling happy at least 90% of the time. I'm not aiming for neutrality or apathy, only being able to temporarily put things aside for as long as I have something to do; when I'm on my own in my own time I try to take the healthy approach and feel and release my emotions, and remove the causes by changing my negative beliefs and adopting a philosophical attitude. I think Lux hit the nail on the head as to how to deal with it for me at least; of course I'm still curious how others do it, and how it might differ with type.
 
W

WALMART

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Like a cheetah, you're built for it or you're not.


I guess conscious development over a long period of time might work. Or drugs.
 

Pseudo

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Generally I avoid getting emotional because being emotional would be seen as even weaker. I'm not one to cry in the first place but web I do feel stress generally I take a moment to kind of deal with the white noise of my thoughts. I guess just taking a moment to experience and reconize that I'm feeling stress/anger/sadness but in a generally way rather than focusing on specifics. It would probably look like me sitting quietly and closing my eyes for a minute. Then generally I'll just move on with the day.

So I guess just taking a breath and keeping in mind that getting angry/weepy
Won't fix anything
 

kyuuei

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That sounds like a really good way to do it. I think my experience is something similar, and arises from the same sources. Feeling the unpleasant emotions is something I've had to get comfortable with in recent years, and so it comes with all the pent up stuff of the past which I haven't released.


That's quite an informative ENFP/Fi perspective, and I can see how it would relate to your circumstances. I do hope things get better and you can be happy again.

In response, I don't have a problem with depression, although anxiety is certainly an issue. I have no trouble feeling happy at least 90% of the time. I'm not aiming for neutrality or apathy, only being able to temporarily put things aside for as long as I have something to do; when I'm on my own in my own time I try to take the healthy approach and feel and release my emotions, and remove the causes by changing my negative beliefs and adopting a philosophical attitude. I think Lux hit the nail on the head as to how to deal with it for me at least; of course I'm still curious how others do it, and how it might differ with type.

I had responded assuming you weren't under any medical pretenses like depression, but threw the disclaimer out there just in case.

I am unsure of how you feel about things like conscious movements of yourself.. I ended up getting angry at everything because it was easier to deal with one emotion than it was several. If it hurt, I got angry instead.. sad or disappointing led to anger as well. It is harder to look weak and easily broken down if you're angry in comparison to those emotions. Over time, I pushed myself to control my anger with management techniques, meditation, etc. because being angry more often also means being not-so-happy more often. There's got to be a balance there.
I also, frequently, watched shows or movies with awesome stoic people in them, and sometimes visualized them and attempted 'acting' as they would act in the movie. That helped a lot, especially with my overactive imagination. When I couldn't be that way for real, faking it helped a ton. It sort of became a game to me, to pretend to be so-and-so from blank show. It suits me well for short-term issues that I was not ready for.
 

kyuuei

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That sounds like a really good way to do it. I think my experience is something similar, and arises from the same sources. Feeling the unpleasant emotions is something I've had to get comfortable with in recent years, and so it comes with all the pent up stuff of the past which I haven't released.


That's quite an informative ENFP/Fi perspective, and I can see how it would relate to your circumstances. I do hope things get better and you can be happy again.

In response, I don't have a problem with depression, although anxiety is certainly an issue. I have no trouble feeling happy at least 90% of the time. I'm not aiming for neutrality or apathy, only being able to temporarily put things aside for as long as I have something to do; when I'm on my own in my own time I try to take the healthy approach and feel and release my emotions, and remove the causes by changing my negative beliefs and adopting a philosophical attitude. I think Lux hit the nail on the head as to how to deal with it for me at least; of course I'm still curious how others do it, and how it might differ with type.

I had responded assuming you weren't under any medical pretenses like depression, but threw the disclaimer out there just in case.

I am unsure of how you feel about things like conscious movements of yourself.. I ended up getting angry at everything because it was easier to deal with one emotion than it was several. If it hurt, I got angry instead.. sad or disappointing led to anger as well. It is harder to look weak and easily broken down if you're angry in comparison to those emotions. Over time, I pushed myself to control my anger with management techniques, meditation, etc. because being angry more often also means being not-so-happy more often. There's got to be a balance there.
I also, frequently, watched shows or movies with awesome stoic people in them, and sometimes visualized them and attempted 'acting' as they would act in the movie. That helped a lot, especially with my overactive imagination. When I couldn't be that way for real, faking it helped a ton. It sort of became a game to me, to pretend to be so-and-so from blank show. It suits me well for short-term issues that I was not ready for.
 

Istbkleta

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I also, frequently, watched shows or movies with awesome stoic people in them, and sometimes visualized them and attempted 'acting' as they would act in the movie. That helped a lot, especially with my overactive imagination.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for but this caught my eye as interesting. Would you talk a little about this experience when you actually felt like that, not so much when you were faking it for a short period.
What was it like? Have you experienced it before? Could you give an example of a character in a movie?
 

kyuuei

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I'm not sure what I'm looking for but this caught my eye as interesting. Would you talk a little about this experience when you actually felt like that, not so much when you were faking it for a short period.
What was it like? Have you experienced it before? Could you give an example of a character in a movie?

To give an example of using 'fake' acting and visualization to realize something very real:
- Lara Croft, her house burned down in a video game right at the beginning.. instead of going to pieces, of mourning the possessions, she immediately got to work figuring out her next moves and tracked down the people she needed. I thought it was so cool she could just.. do that. I'm quite poor, always have been, so losing possessions was a big deal to me for a while. I didn't understand WHY she recovered so fast... even rich people have expensive things to lose... especially someone with so many one-of-a-kind treasures. I pretended to act like that when something happened to my stuff or something got stolen.. And I realized through pretending that they didn't matter that.. they really didn't. When my car was stolen and wrecked, I immediately went into action and made preparations for replacing it and was recovered from it within 3 days without breaking down emotionally at all. I didn't feel sad, or upset really.. I was just like "Oh shit! That sucks! Lets get to work."

- When GI Jane came into my life, I used her situation a lot to visualize myself pushing through male oppressiveness and physical difficulties.. It helped me a lot during basic training.

- I'm not a very seductive woman.. I'm not smooth, or graceful.. I picture attractive women sometimes when I need some inspiration on being a bit more out of my shell.

Sometimes faking it really does get you through.. In basic, they tell you if you don't have motivation to fake motivation. You get over the top and sarcastic-like about it.. "YEAH!! RUNNING LETS GO EVERYONE!" Even though you're dreading it.. but you can't help but sort of take on that persona even if it is fake and maybe even absurd. It's not for every situation.. but it helps when I need it to help.
 

Coriolis

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Anyway; panic, stress, anxiety, etc., sadness, loneliness, and whatever feelings are associated with lack and incompetence really interfere with my ability to do my job and schoolwork sometimes, and I'd really like it if there was some trick to being able to effectively ignore them long enough to get things done.

I wondered what the experience of NT's is in particular with regard to dealing with emotions at inopportune times, and how you do it.
I will describe several circumstances relevant to your question.

1. On very rare occasion, I just cannot prevent an emotional state from interfering with my work. Then I do not work. I get away from any responsibilities or obligations as soon as possible, and allow the emotion to dissipate enough to resume normal activities.

2. Acute emotional states, for instance brought on by a sudden piece of bad news, are fairly easy to set aside by focusing on practical matters: getting all the pertinent details, taking whatever action is appropriate, much as Kyuuei described. If this action does not itself dissipate the state, giving it space and attention at a later time usually does.

3. Chronic emotional states are a bit harder to deal with as they can slowly start to color my attitude without my realizing it. I will usually note some drop in productivity or other anomalous work pattern, and quickly be able to trace it back to some interfering emotional state, perhaps worry or even transient depression. It often takes just a few minutes to identify the cause of the emotion, then it is back to fact-gathering and taking any necessary action. Often this is more of a long-term solution than what is required in the more acute cases.
 

Istbkleta

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- Lara Croft, her house burned down in a video game right at the beginning.. instead of going to pieces, of mourning the possessions, she immediately got to work figuring out her next moves and tracked down the people she needed.

This is so fascinating! To listen to an ENFP describe how she is experiencing her Te. The role models you find to admire and emulate.

It's a function that comes later in life so it probably feels like "something" rather than "me, this who I am". I believe I am witnessing the assimilation of a tert function in your description; the processing of "adopting" it as "a part of who I am".

Thanks! I've always wanted to see Ti (what the OP is describing) in an ENFP but maybe it feels too foreign to most ENFPs to admit it's a part of them :( Te works just fine though. I'm excited!
Good luck in your career!
 

highlander

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I'm posting this thread here because NT's are supposed to mostly not be emotional, or at least usually have good control over their emotions. If I'm wrong about this, please correct.
.....

Anyway; panic, stress, anxiety, etc., sadness, loneliness, and whatever feelings are associated with lack and incompetence really interfere with my ability to do my job and schoolwork sometimes, and I'd really like it if there was some trick to being able to effectively ignore them long enough to get things done.

I wondered what the experience of NT's is in particular with regard to dealing with emotions at inopportune times, and how you do it.

Ignoring emotions is not something I try to do. They fuel my passion, drive, determination, a sense of urgency to get things done, caring for others, desire to get along, etc. On the negative emotions - anxiety, anger, fear, guilt, frustration, embarrassment, sadness and things like that, I try to channel them to productive ends. For the most part, it works pretty well. Grief is the one thing that I experienced that is very difficult to channel towards productive ends. I have learned that Enneagram 6s tend to be more emotionally expressive than other types of INTJs and so what I experience or do may not be typical of other NTs.
 

greenfairy

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This is so fascinating! To listen to an ENFP describe how she is experiencing her Te. The role models you find to admire and emulate.

It's a function that comes later in life so it probably feels like "something" rather than "me, this who I am". I believe I am witnessing the assimilation of a tert function in your description; the processing of "adopting" it as "a part of who I am".

Thanks! I've always wanted to see Ti (what the OP is describing) in an ENFP but maybe it feels too foreign to most ENFPs to admit it's a part of them :( Te works just fine though. I'm excited!
Good luck in your career!

Yes, very interesting! I think I do that too. I've always thought that kind of getting into other people's heads was Fe, but I suppose since you do it it must be in the realm of Fi as well.

As to tert Ti in the OP: When I am upset or stressed I always ask myself what the underlying thoughts and beliefs are, such as "The boss is annoyed with me" or "I'm going to make a mistake sooner or later" or "I won't have time to get everything done" and then ask myself whether those things are true. Almost every time I'm unconsciously believing things which aren't necessarily true or are exaggerated, and I tell myself that, and then tell myself what is true, and that helps me calm down. I overthink things, but yet that's the way I solve my problems most of the time. I call it giving myself a reality check. Sometimes it helps me solve really complex issues, like being scared of physical intimacy for unidentifiable reasons; I figured out a lot of things about that by being superanalytical, such as I had the underlying belief that if I let someone's energy into myself that it would stay there and they would take some of mine and then we wouldn't be ourselves anymore. Which is kinda crazy, and if I recognize that I can give myself a reality check and find out what the truth is, and then react in a different way.
 
W

WhoCares

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I'm posting this thread here because NT's are supposed to mostly not be emotional, or at least usually have good control over their emotions. If I'm wrong about this, please correct.

I wondered what the experience of NT's is in particular with regard to dealing with emotions at inopportune times, and how you do it.

Yep you're wrong about that. I am a highly emotional being I just express it inside out as it were. Which makes me particularly susceptible to depression and mental loops as my frustration, anger what have you doesn't have an external outlet. My freakish ability to not get upset outwardly creeps my coworkers out as they cannot seem to find my resemblence to humanity...:D The other side of the competence swords is when others think of you as machine-like in your ability to perform and therefore cut you no slack whatsoever when you have less than a stellar day. I am frequently held to higher standards and accountability than my coworkers and actually that pisses me off no-end. I am a fair minded person and I think the standards I am held to should be the same as others so I can exceed them if I wish but am not compelled to. Anyway I digress.

My trick is always to withdraw when I feel the rage building, find an excuse to have a cup of tea, rail at the universe with my mind and come back fake and competent. I just file it in my 'get that shit done later' inbox and use distraction to do something else. It's not I don't have emotions it's that I have a method of detaching from them momentarily for the sake of convenience. My desire for completion of my rant is still there but I can delegate it to another time slot. But then again, sorting, delegating and pidgeon-holing is how I go about my day anyway. Although I'm constantly driven to completion, the simple act of mentally assigning a time slot to a task is a kind of completion in itself and satisfies in the moment.

You sound like the way I get when I forget to do my mental sort and delegate. When I've just got a 100 things on my to do list and none of them have been prioritised. I'm allergic to clutter, especially mental clutter and I do experience heightened anxiety and manic states when I've not done my mental house cleaning.
 
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